Episode · Apr 10, 2026 · 1 hr 5 min
Hate, Heartbreak, and a Comeback Win
with Kaitlyn Bristowe
Kaitlyn Bristowe is a Canadian television personality who starred on The Bachelorette and won Dancing With the Stars.
“That we're all just the same.”
Summary
Kaitlyn Bristowe grew up in Leduc, Alberta, and moved to Vancouver on a dance scholarship while working nights in a restaurant. When dance work stalled, she followed a hockey boyfriend to Germany and lost her independence. After their breakup, she returned to Canada, went to therapy, and rebuilt her confidence before a friend signed her up for The Bachelor. Bristowe entered the show expecting to leave early, reached the final three, and was eliminated in Bali.
She became The Bachelorette, negotiated her pay with an entertainment lawyer, and says producers shaped scenes around her sex life and relationships. Online shaming and threats made her struggle to get out of bed. After her engagement ended, she took a Broadway role but felt stretched by travel and work; years later, she won Dancing With the Stars despite a cracked rib and other injuries. She discusses protecting her personality from fame and the therapy, Hoffman Process, and self-reflection that help her stay grounded.
Show notes
Kaitlyn Bristowe went from a small town in Canada to the center of reality TV—and paid the price for it.
She opens up about chasing a dance career, hitting rock bottom after a breakup, and rebuilding her life from nothing. Then came The Bachelor and The Bachelorette—and with it, fame, manipulation behind the scenes, and a level of public backlash that nearly broke her.
She talks about being slut-shamed on national TV, dealing with threats, and navigating the pressure of building a career in a space that didn’t exist yet.
But she didn’t stop there.
From Broadway to building a business, writing music, and ultimately winning Dancing With the Stars, Kaitlyn shares how she turned chaos into momentum—and why doing the inner work mattered just as much as the external success.
This is a conversation about identity, resilience, and staying true to yourself when the world is trying to define you.
Transcript
Made from YouTube's automatic captions and lightly corrected, so a few words and names may be off. Click a time to play the video from there.
Ken Rideout
All right, Kaitlyn Bristowe, welcome to the show.
Thank you for having me. A breath of fresh air for a show dominated by dudes.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Well, I have bro energy sometimes, so I'll try and bring it.
Ken Rideout
Great point because I talk to people who've done hard things, overcome adversity, but I think doing hard things is a very broad topic, and when I think about you and I talk about you often with Shelby cuz she's a huge reality person, and I just talk about how impressed I am with all of the things that you've accomplished, and I think when you're in that reality, just to set the stage, when you're in that reality space, it's very easy to get hate from people.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah.
Ken Rideout
In general, people like all reality is this such a negative connotation, but having gotten to know you better now, too, not that I had a negative connotation, but I'm just like, I don't think enough people appreciate and respect all of the things that you've done.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Well, thank you for saying that. I feel like when I was on The Bachelor, season 19, I think that was 2015, maybe 2014, and I remember being like, what is Instagram? Like, what is it It's like, everyone's starting to follow this Bachelor guy that I'm going to go on a season, I'm going to follow him, and I was like, it was starting to become a thing. I used to just think it's for friends, yeah, you know, whatever. You know what The very first time I ever posted on Instagram, I posted a nude because I thought it was an editing app to make it a cool filter to put on [clears throat] it.
Yes, and I posted it, and my girlfriend was like, what are you doing? And I was like, what? She goes, we can see your post, and I just thought it was for me. I thought it was to just put a filter on it.
Ken Rideout
When you say a nude, like you could see your boobs in it?
Oh, yeah. Come on.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah, I mean, I took it down within 10 minutes, but and I had maybe like 10 followers at the time
Ken Rideout
because I had No. No.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
No, but then moving forward, when it was like Bachelor franchise, and then I became The Bachelorette, and I remember going, this could be a business. Like, this could be something, and nobody knew that yet. Nobody knew that you could build a brand or a business on Instagram, so it was fascinating to come off the show with Now, everybody goes on the show with the intention of, oh, this is a money maker, I can become an influencer, where that wasn't a thing when I went on. I went on cuz I was like, who knows what could happen, and I could fall in love, and I could make a name for myself, and I could do I don't know what's going to come from it.
So, then seeing like, I remember a brand reach out to me, and they said, uh we'll pay you, I think it was $5,000 to post that you use the waist trainer that Kim Kardashian uses, and I was like, sold because I thought
Ken Rideout
Five grand? I would've done it for 500.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I literally was like, you're going to pay me to say I wear something, and I came from a restaurant and spin class industry, and immediately one of my girlfriends, who now, looking back, is such a mentor in my life, she was like, take that down. I don't care what they paid you. I don't care what repercussions you have. That is a terrible brand. You don't wear that thing, and you need to build an audience that's going to trust you, and from turning this deal down and a bunch of money down, you're going to get the longevity of bigger brands down the road, I promise you.
And I she has changed my life with that one.
Ken Rideout
Friend.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Great friend. She's brilliant.
Ken Rideout
Cuz it takes a lot to say no, especially like you said, you don't know. $5,000? Totally.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I was like, I thought they were just going to gift it to me, and I was going to post about it. I didn't know, and so it's been really fascinating to watch how the world of Instagram has has turned into such a business.
Ken Rideout
Yeah, it is funny now how many brands who clearly don't know what the hell is going on, and I mean, obviously, you have a bazillion more followers than I do, but when a brand is like, hey, can we send you a free like XYZ, and it's like $200, and like, would you post about it? I'm like, I have friends that like actually pay me and that I use. What would it say to them if I was like, yeah, for $200, I'll do anything that you want.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I'm like, pay a lot here. I know, I feel bad cuz I'm like, majority of people get it now, where this conversation is like could be so not relatable to certain people. They'd be like, well, $200 is a lot of money, you know.
Ken Rideout
Of course it is, but not to the brand that's paying you 5,000.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Exactly, and it's it's such a again, I just keep using the word business. Instagram is such a business that you have to think about those things for your longevity, and if it's going to be your career, because yes, $200 is a lot of money to a lot of people, and to me, it's like, I don't know when my career could end on Instagram. I don't know if Instagram goes away tomorrow, and I need to be really smart about how I show up online.
Ken Rideout
Great segue cuz that's what I want to talk to you about because I I genuinely like, I'm such a huge fan of you.
Like, I genuinely I love you. I mean, we have some other connections outside of this that we don't have to talk about. Um That might have sounded inappropriate. We have we we we have some very close mutual friends. Um but I think you're a total boss. I love what you did, and and like I love what you're doing, and I think Kim Kardashian a lot of the time gets gets like terrible pushback and blah blah. She has a private jet. She's like She's dominating her life.
Like, to me, you're again, not to compare you to her, like, take out all the negative [ __ ] What she's done with her life and in her brand is is masterful. Like, they poll like high school kids, like, what's their dream job? And like, 150 years ago, 100 years ago, it was a doctor, lawyer. Now, it's an influencer, and everybody wants to have to a certain extent, people want to have that life. Like, I want to be flying on a private jet and have all these things, but you're actually doing it.
I love the way that you're building your own personal brand, and for the people that can get past the reality stigma and realize like, no, this girl is dominating. And we're going to get into all the things you've done because it's effing incredible. But let's start at the beginning. Where did you grow up, and what were you doing before all this [ __ ] jumped off?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Oh, man, I grew up in this tiny town called Leduc in Alberta in Canada, so I'm Canadian. Love it.
And the town that I grew up in, it was like, we were so stoked when we got a Walmart. Like, we thought we were a big city. It's like, it's really sweet. I go back and drive through. My sister and my dad still live there. And when I go drive through this town, I'm like, this is so cute. People live here. Like, it's so tiny and just sweet, and I love that's where I grew up because it really forced me to um use an imagination. We really had not much to do.
I feel like I had the best childhood, and my parents and my family, like, they always knew that I was going to do something in entertainment. So, I grew up dancing and singing and doing musical theater. Um and I was always Yeah, theater kid. Oh, I'm a huge theater nerd. I love it so much. I literally was The Fiddler on the Roof in my play that I was in. I love it. And I just I grew up I love to perform, but I was painfully shy in school, which is so funny.
Until high school, yeah, I had like I had really bad OCD. I had like weird things. I don't even know how to explain it. Like, if you touch this shoulder, I'd want to touch this shoulder to be even. Like, I was really weird a weird kid.
OCD? OCD to the max. And then somehow I just like kind of broke out of that in high school, and I came into my own, and then at 19, I was like, I want to No, I was 18. I was like, I want to move out of this small town. I I really want to do big things. I thought Vancouver, British Columbia was like, doing it big. I was like, I'm getting to the big city of Vancouver, and I ended up getting a dance scholarship. And so I moved to Vancouver with a hockey bag full of clothes, Love it.
And I lived four people in a one-bedroom apartment, and I would work at a restaurant in the at night and dance during the day, and I was um dancing with this company, and I just that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to dance. I didn't go to college. I didn't do anything else because I was like, I barely graduated high school because I was like, I will be either like a ballet dancer or I wanted to be a backup dancer for Michael Jackson. That was my ultimate dream.
Ken Rideout
That's what I hope people here are taking away from this. Like, college isn't the answer. I think kids unless unless you know what you want to do. You knew what you wanted to do. Why would you even waste the money? Truly. But when you know what you want to do, if I had a kid that was a master woodworker, and all he wanted to do was make [ __ ] in a wood shop, I'd be like, don't waste the money. Yes, you can learn about how to run a business and all those things, but if you have a clear passion for something, which you obviously did, chase that.
Pour all that energy into that.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Americans are so funny. I feel like college is such a thing. It's like, Americans have this blueprint of like, you grow up, and then you go to school, and then you go to college, and then you get married, and then you have kids, and you do it like this, It's like brainwashed. Where I grew up, it was like, eh.
My mom was like, I think you should chase your dreams. And my dad was like, yeah. And then it was just like, hey, and you don't have to do things the way that everyone else. Like, get married when later in life, or like, what? They were just so encouraging to just follow my own path and dream, which I'm so grateful for now.
Ken Rideout
Well, that's the thing. If you know if the kid doesn't know or or wants to be obviously an engineer, doctor, lawyer, you you have to do that.
And there's nothing wrong with that, but I think that we place too much emphasis. Like, if you're going to get a liberal arts degree, and you're not quite sure, like, if you're not sure, you're not sure, and it pays. But like, going and getting yourself into debt to go to a private like East Coast liberal arts school, come out of there with like $200,000 in debt, and then find out you love woodworking or cutting down trees, and you want to start a tree service. Like, now you're like, how do you dig out of that financial burden of a hole that college can place you in?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
But I digress. Yeah. No, it's true. I I am actually on the same page as you, and I I couldn't even get I remember being 29 years old and going to apply for a credit card. I couldn't get one because I didn't have any credit. Like, I was stoked if I had $5 in my bank account cuz that meant I could get a Starbucks on my way to work. Like, I just lived so carefree all through my 20s. I was extremely selfish and a bit of an [ __ ] and kind of a degenerate, but I lived my 20s.
Ken Rideout
Like, I really did it.
All right, so you were let you so you you are through your 20s, you are waitressing, bartending, and dancing.
Then when does when do you start when does reality TV become a reality?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
So I at the age of 25 realized my dance career is not going where I thought it would and I was like feeling like such a failure because I thought for sure. I didn't even just I didn't even have a backup plan in my head. But turns out my backup plan was to meet a hockey player as Canadians do and just like, you know, meet a rich hockey player. I'll rely on him financially.
I'll be so happy. So I started dating a hockey player. I ended up moving to Winnipeg. He played there. Then he got injured and sent down. We moved to Newfoundland in Canada and then we ended up signing in Germany. And so I ended up moving to Germany and I became an absolute shell of myself because I thought, oh my god, I don't have to work. I don't have to do anything. Like I can live this wag lifestyle like wives and girlfriends of hockey play you know, whatever.
No, I was miserable. I had no friends. I couldn't speak the language. I couldn't even go we were in Nuremberg not even like you know, like Frankfurt where people can speak English. Like we we were in like the most German part of Germany and I lost myself. I didn't know who I was. I was crying every day. I got addicted to Call of Duty.
Ken Rideout
No, I swear to God.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I would drink vodka and play Call of Duty for like weeks.
Ken Rideout
What a crazy thing for a woman to be addicted to? Call of Duty. I
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I loved it.
Okay. Cuz he was always gone. I was really good. Well, I was playing literally 8 hours a day.
Ken Rideout
Tell me you were talking on the headphones to the people like come around the back. We're going to ambush these guys.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I think that's why I liked it cuz I could speak English with people. I I also did CrossFit because they spoke English and I was like I and I was just I you wouldn't even recognize me. I just was a shell of myself.
Ken Rideout
I want to see you on the on the Call of Duty. Do you know that that meme about Leroy Jenkins? Yeah, yeah, of course.
I want to see you be LIKE KAITLYN BRISTOWE.
AND THEN all the and then all your teammates are like, KAITLYN, YOU DUMBASS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WE HAD TO LIKE DO A QUICK NUMBER CRUNCH.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
YEAH, those they probably were doing that with me. So when I was just like a wreck. I was not only emotionally, no, financially relying on him, but emotionally too. I was just like I wanted him to make me happy and I ended up being like I can't do this. He broke up with me. It was like the worst heartbreak of my life because I really wanted to marry him. Again, I had no education. I didn't have a job. I didn't have money. I didn't have a home.
And so when he broke up with me, I was like, I have to move back here with my mom. And this is at like 27. And I felt like such a loser and I had to go back to the restaurant world and start my working my way back up hostess and do this and then I was like, you know what? I was doing really well there. I was going to be general manager of the restaurant one day. That was my goal and my girlfriend was like, you are meant to live a different life than this.
And she signed me up for the bachelor. Oh man. Yes. And so she filled out everything. I'll never forget her and my sister calling me and they said, hey, we're filling out this paperwork for you to go on the bachelor. Like have you ever been arrested? And I was like, no. And they're like, really? And I was like, yeah. And we were like all surprised by it. But yeah, that's how is my girlfriend signed me up after I was just miserable and thought I would never find a guy again and that I had to it was a good time for me in my life because I went to therapy.
Ken Rideout
I really worked on myself.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I built myself back up. I had friends. I like really showed myself that I could do it on my own and didn't need to rely on a partner. And then I went on the bachelor.
Ken Rideout
It's it's interesting that you say that because when I look back at my own life, not to make this about me, but I think that when most people deal with adversity, when you're going through it, you're like, I want to be dead. I don't I don't want to be here.
I can't handle this. It's too much for me. And what you realize is that those things and it's you you could never say it when it's happening, but they become gifts. And you're like, I am going to figure this out and when you do, it just basically puts money in the bank account of confidence where you're like,
Exactly. You still hate when it happens again, but you have a little bit of confidence knowing like, you know what? I've been kicked worse than this before. I hate that I'm here, but I'm going to fix it. I'm going to do it. And it's like when I tell people get comfortable being uncomfortable. You're never comfortable with the situation, but you're comfortable knowing that you can survive this. You don't have to like contemplate, I don't want to be here.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
You're so right. It was my first I don't want to be here moment in life and I my mom picked me up from the airport.
She took me immediately to a doctor and I had to fill out paperwork being like like on a scale of 1 to 10 like how much do you not want to be here? And I was like, I don't want to be here. Like whatever number that is. And [snorts] they put me immediately on Valium and antidepressants without and then nobody talked to me about that. I got fully addicted to Valium. Yeah. I had no I was just again, my mom would put YouTube videos of like brainwashing videos on my head being like, you're good enough.
You can do hard things. Like she would like come in the middle of the night and play it because I was like, I don't want to be here. And you're right. It was my first like rock bottom and from building myself back up and being like, I don't want to live like this and having like this right support system, then I get in the best place of my life where I've been doing therapy for 2 years and my girlfriend signs me up for the bachelor and I've got money in the bank and I'm really trying to work towards something.
And then going on the but yeah, it's like the next time something really bad happened to me, which was after the bachelor, I or bachelorette, I was like, this is awful, but I know I can do it. Like I know I can get through this cuz I've been through worse.
Ken Rideout
Yeah, so okay, bachelor. You go on the you get you get accepted. What happens?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I get accepted and I think I'm going to be the drunk girl that goes home night one.
Ken Rideout
Okay, and by the way, there's a bachelor and you're vying for his affection with other girls.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
That's the premise, right?
Ken Rideout
Cuz then you end up becoming the bachelorette. Okay. So okay, so you show up and how many other girls?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
There is 29 other women.
Ken Rideout
How terrible is everyone towards each other?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
You know what? It took a while, but it got there. But at first, we all got along so well. At first, I come out of the limo and I think like I'm so naive to television. I'm like, where's the romantic music? Why is it silent? And he's just like standing there and I walked up to him and I was like, I'm probably going to not be here.
I didn't say this out loud, but in my head I'm going, I'm not here for a long time. I'm probably here for a good time. So I'm going to throw all my one-liners and I came in guns blazing. I was like, so he was a farmer. So I walked in and I said, I don't really know much about you to be honest with you. Like I know your name's Chris and I know you're a farmer. I said, so you can plow the [ __ ] out of my field any day.
Ken Rideout
I LOVE THAT ATTITUDE LIKE, I DON'T CARE. I'M NEVER GOING TO meet another guy anyway. Let me just go for it cuz like your future husband's going to be like, Kaitlyn, our kids are going to watch this. No, my future husband better be like, that's so Kaitlyn.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Okay, okay.
Ken Rideout
That's that's a good way to think about it. You might as well let him know what he's getting.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
That's exactly that was I I said if he doesn't think that joke's funny, I don't even want to be here. You know, so he and he thought it was hilarious. They edited to make it look like he was like, but he actually laughed. And then anyways, I went in and I was just on fire. I was just drinking tequila all night and making friends with everybody and like telling jokes.
Ken Rideout
All in. You're like, I'm going to show every all my awesome personality.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yes. And I went I went all my friends and family watch and go, that is so Kaitlyn. Like I just want to be myself. And so I was and then I kept making it further and further and I was like, oh [ __ ] I think I actually really like this guy and I think he really likes me.
Ken Rideout
And by the way, I didn't see the show. I mean, I didn't for no other reason. I've just never seen it. I don't know you like this. Like what you're describing like I would have never thought you would say that.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
No. Oh, yeah.
Ken Rideout
I don't know you like this. So maybe Shelby does cuz she like really likes you too. And she's like, oh yeah, she's been she's been in the mix. And I'm like, really? So I So it it is cool cuz I want to learn these things because
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I have two sides to me. You know the one side and then my spicy side comes out a lot of the time.
Ken Rideout
Know anything of the spicy side for the record. So when I'm asking you this stuff, I genuinely don't know.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Fun for you then because then you get to hear the
Ken Rideout
It because I think most of the people that probably watch my show probably don't know the bachelor and the bachelorette.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yes. And if you do, you probably have an idea of how it goes, but it's nothing like what people think.
Ken Rideout
All right, so you're on fire.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
And I just kept I think I like got the most roses out of anybody. Like I just kept getting group date roses and roses and I was like, oh my god, like being myself is really working. And so then I get to the end.
There's three of us left and we're in Bali. And I'm getting ready because I and I'm I'm in the best mood. I'm listening to music because I think he's obsessed with me and I think he's going to marry me and I think I have it in the bag.
Ken Rideout
By the way, is he like sleeping with the other girls?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
So this point, yeah, three left and we all went to the fantasy suites together. So whatever that means to whoever.
Ken Rideout
On the show like how they would edit it like this and why the bachelor the the person who's the main person would like shag everyone be or or imply that they shag everyone cuz it's like, dude, do you not like just for your own reputation? You want to be kind of be like, I don't want to be like a meander so but like
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I I shagged everybody in my fantasy suites.
Ken Rideout
There's something about girls who have like just confident with themselves. They're like, yeah, I'm not hung up on sex. It's like not a big deal. And that's a Canadian and European thing for sure.
It totally is. I didn't know that, which we'll get into because I got [ __ ] shamed. Oh for sure. Oh for sure. To the I couldn't even get out of bed because people were giving me death threats because I admitted that I had sex. I know it's like God forbid. I I'm with you. There's there's a huge hangup on people being intimate. You're like, you're an adult. If you want to have sex with someone and you're doing your thing responsibly like Right. And I don't know.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Like I didn't go and ask the bachelor like, are you sleeping with the other two women? I so I don't even know. All right. And but then it's we're in Bali and I have to I have this dress that I really want to wear and they're like, no, we're going to a temple. You have to wear a sarong and like a blouse and your hair has to be in a bun. And I was like, well, at least I'm not getting sent home in this outfit.
Yeah. Oh, no. I got sent home in that outfit. Yeah.
Ken Rideout
It was like one of those So when that happens, are you like, what the hell? Dude, we had sex. Yeah. And you're thinking like he well, he's definitely having sex with them cuz he's having sex with me.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I had never been more confident about anything in my life that he was picking me and I got sent home. It was the funniest thing looking back on it because obviously that was not my person and I'm standing there and the girl Becca beside me, Becca goes, "I think I'm going home." And I said, "Why?" And she was like, "I don't know.
It was weird vibes. I just think I'm going home." And I'm like, "Okay." And Whitney was like, "Yeah, I don't think I'm going home." And so I was like, "Okay, so he comes in and he goes, "Becca, can I talk to you?" And I look at Whitney and I go, "She's getting sent home."
Ken Rideout
I love I love you so much more than I thought I did. This is so This is so entertaining.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
It was and and he walked out and then you could see they showed my face when he walked her back in and they're holding hands. I started to process it and I went, "Oh, shoot. They showed me doing that." And I was like, "Whitney doesn't think she's going home. Becca's definitely not going home now. She's coming back to the rose ceremony. I'm like, "Is it me?" And he calls Whitney's name and then I go, "Oh my god." And it was like this out-of-body experience because I've watched the show for so many years.
So seeing Chris Harrison walk in and go, "Kaitlyn, uh I'm sorry. You did not get the final rose. Like you Please say your goodbyes." And I was like, "Oh, I'm that girl. I'm getting dumped. I didn't know it. I'm like the limo's waiting to pick me up."
Ken Rideout
Was it like out-of-body where you're like, "This is happening. Oh my god."
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I was fully in shock and then I remember he was trying to hold my hand on the way out the door and my You can see if nobody really notices but my fingers like this cuz I was like, "I'm not holding your hand."
Ken Rideout
Yeah, exactly.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
And he just walked me to the car and I was like, "What happened?" And he like could not get words out. He was like, "I don't know. I don't want this. I don't know." And he like couldn't get it together. Yeah, and then I became the Bachelorette which I never in a million years thought I would be the Bachelorette because they they really go for your all-American girl-next-door, blonde usually, just like America's sweetheart, no tattoos.
Ken Rideout
But they probably thought you were crazy, too, after the last episodes.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
They thought Everyone thought I was crazy. Even the guy who always predicts who will be the next Bachelor, he goes, "There's no chance they're picking Kaitlyn Bristowe. She's way too out there. Like she's not what they pick for the Bachelorette." So I And I never had those intentions which I like cuz I was like, "I'm not here to be the Bachelorette." So anyways, then they were like, "We think you're going to be the next Bachelorette." And I was like, "What?" And they put me against another girl.
So there was two women that were the Bachelorettes and the men had to decide who they wanted to be their Bachelorette So
Ken Rideout
if there's 20 guys, they had to get You had to get 11 votes and you stay and the other one goes.
Yeah. Which I And one quick thing, when you go to the Bachelor, do you get paid for the being on the first season?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
No. And I I made my mom like pretty much go into debt for buying me dresses cuz I didn't have money to buy And you know, I was feeling good so I was like, "I don't know if I'm going to need 12 dresses for rose ceremonies or one?" Like I don't know. I packed three suitcases. One girl packed 12 suitcases and left night one. No way.
Ken Rideout
Yeah. Oh my god. Okay, so when you get to pick to the Bachelorette, now you get paid. Exactly. Yes.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Get to negotiate? So I don't think a lot of women have known the power that they have Right. Cuz that's the thing. Without even knowing, I'd be like, "Well, you want me to be the Bachelorette? Cool. I want like X million."
Well, you know who I called? The girl who gave me the advice to take it down off Instagram because she knows her [ __ ] and she said, "I'm going to put you in touch." She used to be a VP for Scooter Braun and like And she put me in touch with an amazing entertainment lawyer. And I said, "If you're going to put me against another woman and make me do this and possibly go home, one, I want to still get paid if I go home.
And two, you better pay me what you pay your Bachelors." Yeah, of course. Because I want the same amount. And they were like, "We thought this was about love, Kaitlyn."
Ken Rideout
Yeah. Well, you thought wrong when you sent me home.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah. I was like, "Um no, it's about Sure, love was a bonus but I didn't really say that." Yeah, they did. And I was like, "I'm taking 3 months off work and giving my whole life to this and like risking a life a lot."
Yeah. And so I ended up negotiating like a pretty good deal.
And they make so much money.
Ken Rideout
It's crazy to me when shows like that don't want to like overpay and like share the wealth.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
ABC, yeah, they've they're pretty known to I mean, I've I know what other girls' contracts have looked like and they're just happy to be there which I was, too, but at the same time I'm like, "I'm going to have a And the entertainment lawyer was like empowering me." Like I wasn't like, "Oh, I feel bad asking for this." I was like, "No, I deserve this." You're dealing with a huge entity.
Ken Rideout
Like there's no emotion involved.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
It's just business. But you know what? I voided my whole contract. We'll get there. Oh my god. Yeah.
Ken Rideout
So you go there. It's you and another girl. What happens? So the guys voted. I ended up being the Bachelorette. She had to go home which I felt terrible. It was the first thing out of my mouth when Chris Harrison came out to me and he said, "They chose you or what?" And I went, "Oh my god, is Britt okay?" Cuz I felt so bad cuz I liked her.
Seems like a normal reaction.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah, if I didn't like her, that would be one thing but like I did and even if I didn't like her, I would still feel terrible. It's bad. But yeah, so then I ended up being the Bachelorette and having the craziest experience. There was a a guy from a different season who I'd been talking to beforehand. Um he ended up coming on my season halfway through. You don't So you give away your phone. I didn't have any contact with the outside world, no TV, no books, no phone, no internet, nothing.
Your head has to be in the game and you have to be, you know, go a little crazy.
Oh my god. And so yeah, the guy came in my season halfway through. It was like a whole controversial thing. We ended because
Ken Rideout
um Oh, because you already had a kind of a relationship.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Okay. And then he was the one I ended up I slept with him before the fantasy suites and that was like
On the show. Yeah. Okay. And I admitted it and I
Ken Rideout
You slept with him before he came on the show?
No. Okay. No, I'd never even met him in person. You're [ __ ] crazy. I love it.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
All right. Okay. Um yeah, and it was a whole thing. So I just I just thought I'm picking somebody I like a life-altering decision of who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with and you're telling me I'm not going to test drive the car before I buy it. That's crazy.
Ken Rideout
You do that, like aren't they following you everywhere? Like even in the fantasy suite, like how much of that is Are they actually I know I know they edit it so you can't really see but are they recording the whole thing and then they edit it down?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
They don't even record. That's like the part of the fantasy suites is there's no cameras. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you actually get to have an overnight date with people and like not have any cameras there. Now for mine, they were there in the morning and they recorded some noises Okay.
And dubbed it over a blank door Okay. and made it look like something else. It's TV. Um it was the craziest [clears throat] experience of my life because I went from being a contestant on the Bachelor and thinking, "This is so much fun and these producers are like my family and friends. I can trust them." Yeah. To being like the main person who I was like, "Oh my god, I'm getting manipulated. I'm like filming 17 hours a day. I'm hurting people's feelings at all costs. I can't talk to my family.
I can't talk to my friends." I was like losing it.
Ken Rideout
The fact that you've done all the things you've done and was so like not I don't want to say naive cuz I I don't mean it to be naive but like you're so clearly savvy from a professional standpoint that to think that those people were your friends, like
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I like want to go back and hug that version of myself cuz I'm like, "Oh, bless you. You thought they were your friends."
Ken Rideout
There's something to be said like when when I started doing podcasts years ago, I had a podcast about fighting. Uh my friend Rob Moore who produces this show, who produces Andrew Huberman show. Nice.
He's been like the biggest He's like your friend to you, Rob has been like that to me. I wanted to write a book. He's like, "You're not ready." And of course you're like, "What the F is he talking about?" Like, "Dude, I'm ready." I would be like, "Hey, introduce me to that person. See if you can get me on that show."
Yeah. podcast and I know he could and he'd be like, "It's not right time." Yeah. Everything he said was right. But I was like probably a lot like you. I'm like, "Don't tell me. I tell I'm I'm ready for this. I'm ready for that." Yeah. He's told me everything. And one thing that people told me when I started doing this for anyone listening trying to do influencer stuff or podcast or anything like in front of a camera, there's no substitute for reps and experience. When you think back about all the things you've learned about how to behave in front of the camera, you can't teach someone.
You just [clears throat] have to do it and then that begs the question, how do you get reps? I don't know. Yeah. How did you become the person you are? I don't know. I just thought it's showing up every day and every day I kept trying to move the ball down the field.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah, and you take the lessons as like to evolve, not to like break you down.
Ken Rideout
That's exactly right. So anyway, I digress. But back back to you. So you're on the Bachelorette and and and you bang this guy
Kaitlyn Bristowe
And they're like, "What?
Ken Rideout
Kaitlyn, you were the slut." The shaming comes out. They're like, "She's the worst.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
She had sex with a guy." They Yeah, honestly, so it was kind of a plan. Chris Harrison came on my podcast recently and told me they knew that would happen all along.
Ken Rideout
They knew they They knew They knew you were flirting with him
Kaitlyn Bristowe
and that they were No, they knew that I would have sex and talk about it if That's why they wanted you. You know, that's like a very different They needed to change something up in the Bachelorette world.
Let's take someone spicy and like make them like do something for shock value.
Okay. And so the next morning after that happened, I actually felt really guilty about it in the moment and was like, "This doesn't feel right. He left. The next morning I called one of the producers to be like, I'm not feeling good about what happened last night. Like could I talk to you? He He came out. He put a hidden mic in his pocket. Good guys.
And he said, let's go out to the balcony and chat. They had a hidden camera way down in like a foyer of a hotel on the balcony.
Ken Rideout
Guys conspiring behind your back? It's so It's so icky, but I'm like God, they make good TV.
I know, but I mean come on, man.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I know. When I found that out and saw what happened, I was like, oh, that I felt very violated.
Yeah. And I mean again, I I signed up for this. So at the same time, there's that. But I ended up talking about it. It was a whole thing. I came off the show and as it was airing, I couldn't believe I thought, I'm you know, I'm Canadian. I grew up around people who love me and celebrate me for who I am. And then you get chewed up and spat out on a reality show where people just hate you for being who you are.
Ken Rideout
So it means it's so hurtful some of the [ __ ] that people say.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
When you have a chance, you need to or I'll send you a link. Watch Chris Harrison reads mean tweets out loud about me on this like the men tell all episode.
Yeah. And it like I'll still cry watching it, but for different reasons. I'll laugh first cuz the tweets are so funny now to me where at the time I like couldn't get out of bed. But the men all stand up for me and they clap after it was like a really rough season for everybody and I was just like, oh my god. And Chris was like, I would take you to be like a role model for my children any day cuz these women were like, take this woman off TV.
She's a [ __ ] She needs to shut her [ __ ] legs and die in a dumpster. Like And he was reading all this on And I was just like sitting there like But now watching back, it's so funny.
Ken Rideout
But it was It's so insane that anyone would say anything like that. I say, if you really think that like what about you has been triggered, like Exactly. Cuz you're still me a lot about you that you would say that about anyone. You don't even know this person and the worst thing that she did was have a sex with a with a guy.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Guy that I was falling in love with.
Ken Rideout
And I will promise you that people saying [ __ ] like that have done things that they wouldn't be proud of. That was one of the things about writing my book was like writing about the whole high school chanting that I suck at the biggest football game of my life. Like was at the time like I wanted to kill myself. They like destroyed my confidence and and you know, they probably did it in a way [ __ ] that guy. I don't suck. So I'm like, I I suck.
Do Do I suck? I don't suck. But So when when when I see people doing that and anytime I think what an [ __ ] this guy is, I like I would never start to type out a message. But if I did, I'd be like, what does this say about me? And then I'd say, do Totally. [clears throat] Instead of leaving a negative comment about a person you don't know, why don't you go leave 10 random kind over the top kind messages to other people and see how your life changes.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Right. Right. Yeah, no, it's I've learned over I mean it's been 10 years since I was on the Bachelorette. And I've now figured out the trolls. Like I just I've got them figured out.
Ken Rideout
Yeah, we you have to have thick skin with like the reality scene. So okay, so Bachelorette, you have sex with the guy. They're pissed off.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Then what happens? Um well, I got engaged and uh it was tough because it wasn't the guy that I slept with. Um and then that guy had He was kind of He I which I get. It's very It puts you in a very insecure space because you're like, I'm dating this woman who I want to marry and she's with all these other guys and I'm Is she picking me at the end because I'm just the best one here?
Does she actually love me? Like you're screwed up from all the
Ken Rideout
I thought that about my own wife. Am I just the best choice around?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Right? And then you're like it's airing on TV. Your whole family has to watch me like falling in love with other guys and they're like, oh. It's just a weird It's a terrible foundation to start a relationship on. So we get engaged. It was like fun until it wasn't and we stayed together for three and a half years which in Bachelorette years is like a lot. Um and I moved to Nashville to be with him.
Ken Rideout
And then yeah.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
And then we broke up and then I'm still in Nashville.
Ken Rideout
All right. So that was your two experiences on Bachelor and Bachelorette. There were no other no other appearances. And would you say again, I don't know the specifics. I just know my wife would be like, man, she gets a lot of hate for things like with the Bachelorette. Is that where the hate came from about the like sleeping with the guys and like you're horrible. Yes.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
That was your biggest transgression. Yes. I would say that's like the number one thing that people still remember me for on the show, too. Yeah. I was very I was very pigeonholed into being like a one-dimensional character on TV instead of you know, which that's reality TV.
Ken Rideout
Right. Okay. So then when that ends, what kind of opportunities did that present for you professionally?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah, so many like random things, random appearances. I mean, I started working with like brands and you know, obviously doing Like I remember I work I went to the bar that I worked at when I was 18 years old.
And there I was like an 18-year-old I was a shooter girl. I used to serve shots. I got fired for getting drunk on the job and passing out on my shooter tray.
Ken Rideout
And then I was getting paid Seems like very on brand.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
It was. And then I'm getting paid however many years later like 12 years later to show up at that same bar just for an appearance. It was so funny. But just very random things. But my the coolest thing happened was I actually got to go move to New York and be on Broadway.
What? And yeah, that was
Ken Rideout
For a theater nerd, that must have been like I've I've arrived.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
It was the biggest pinch-me moment because it it was I You should have seen me. I was such a nerd the whole time. Like I couldn't believe it. The show flopped. It went bankrupt. I didn't even get paid. It was called Home for the Holidays. It was a Christmas show. But it was an on [snorts] Broadway show. Yes, it was on Broadway. Um it was where the I can't remember who was there before. A big A big show was there before. I'm blanking on it. But um it was 8 weeks and I was hosting and singing in it.
And it was just like basically a Christmas story and like really good like holiday music. Yeah, I say yeah. Okay.
Not like I'm no Carrie Underwood, but I can sing. Okay. Um just like cuz I did theater my whole life. So then being on Broadway like me in the wings like change having quick changes and going especially as a dancer and performer like I was just like, I can't believe I'm in New York City on Broadway. Headlining the show. I didn't even care that it did terribly. Like it it I was just like, I can say I did Broadway.
Yeah, for sure. And it was awesome. I loved it. And it made me appreciate theater people more than ever because I was like, that was a grind. Like two shows Saturday and Sunday, every other night. Then on Wednesdays I'd fly to Canada and host the Bachelor Canada after show, fly back to New York to go back to the grind of theater. I was just like I couldn't keep up with everything that was coming my way and I wanted to say yes to everything because it was all so exciting.
Ken Rideout
Wait wait, when you're flying back to Canada, they flying you private? No. So you have to go to the airport every Wednesday like that to me That to me is the I would charge a massive premium for that. I hate the airport.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I was so burnt out. I was Oh yeah, I hate the airport now. At the time I was kind of still new to all the like hype and the traveling.
Ken Rideout
And you're being I'm sure you're being recognized everywhere, right?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Which gave me anxiety. I thought I would like it and be like, that's so cool. I would like I would like I don't know. I I thought I was this extrovert and it turns out that I'm not. Like an ambivert. I can be both. I don't know.
Ken Rideout
I've been recognized in a few places, but nothing like what you. So it and I know it always makes me feel like when people like, can I I'm like, you know I'm an idiot, right? Like I'm I'm I'm just like you.
It's just like you know, it's something I did broke through or whatever. But for you, like you were like a legitimate like holy [ __ ] like paparazzi
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah, I did a The paparazzi stuff was wild. I mean, Shawn and I used to party That was my fiance at the time when I came off the show. We would party so hard and just get like paparazzi and we'd have so much fun with it. Yeah. But then it got like to a point where I was like, okay, leave us alone.
This is getting freaky. And but now when people recognize me, I think it's so sweet cuz I'm like they probably listen to my podcast and they probably like are invested in like who I am and that means a lot to me. So now it's different cuz I'm like, I would give everybody a hug and I'm like where it was different before. Yeah.
Ken Rideout
Can I get a picture? I'd be like, I'd be pissed if you didn't ask for a picture. You know, it's so flattering. Exactly. Yeah, it's flattering.
But the Broadway show, how anxiety-ridden was it the first one? I mean, you come from a theater, but I when I go to the theater, I'm like, oh my god, I can't imagine how intimidating this would be.
But then you get the people that are like really like Mondami, the mayor is a is the New York mayor is like a theater geek and he strikes me as the kind of kid that's like, yes, I'm in my element. Thank you. Love me. Praise me.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I was honestly um I think my microphone was off when I sang because I was so nervous that I I don't sing well when I'm nervous. So I think they just turned off my mic, but I didn't care. Um but it was so cool cuz my mom was my musical theater teacher growing up. And she got to come sit front row and I just heard her start sobbing when the curtain went up and I was standing there singing. Like it was so cool. But it was I was so nervous every single show.
There was not one time where I didn't go out there and freak out. Like And I would really be in the moment. Like I would take in all the lights and I'd look at like little dents in the stage. Like I was just like don't forget any of this. That's so funny. That's exactly what I'd be doing too. It would be a blessing and a curse that I couldn't miss anything. I'd be like what is that person over there doing? What's the the sandbags going up and down?
Like
Yes. That's exactly how I was. It was and then that kind of set me up because it so when I came off from being the Bachelorette, I got an opportunity to go on Dancing with the Stars and the creator of the show of the Bachelorette was like no, I'd like you to focus on your relationship with Shawn and not go I continue your fame.
Ken Rideout
I would love to be a fly on the wall when they [ __ ] record you without telling you, make it into a storyline and then tell you don't do Dancing with the Stars.
Uh newsflash like I think Dancing with the Star I mean maybe I'm wrong. Is Dancing with the Star seems like it's bigger and much more mainstream than Bachelorette. Well, now it is. Now it is. At the time
Also like people don't really hate the people on Dancing with the Stars.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
No, it's like the most beloved show. Like it's so family-friendly.
Yes. It But he didn't like me. He never liked me. And so what I what I did which again people are very afraid of him because he's very powerful in that world. I sent out a tweet being like you better treat your Bachelorettes the same way you treat your Bachelors. Like you said I couldn't go on but now look at this Bachelor's been on Dancing with the and I just called him out so people really rooted for me to go on Dancing with the Stars. So for usually if you don't, you know, get your opportunity if you don't get it and go Yeah.
That chance is gone.
Yeah, yeah. But because the internet was so good to me with like they they saw that I was like shunned from that and then they went oh, we're going to ride or die with her.
Yeah, yeah. I ended up getting to go on Dancing with the Stars five years after being the Bachelorette.
Ken Rideout
Oh, so wait a minute. You took his advice and said okay, I won't I won't do it.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I couldn't. He I was under contract with them.
Ken Rideout
Okay. Okay.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah, I wasn't allowed. Like I couldn't.
Ken Rideout
So then how did you violate the contract?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
So oh, that's because I spoiled the ending of my season and I accidentally Snapchatted me in bed with the guy that I picked. We were just like I mean we were in sweats and we looked like hell but I thought I was sending it to a producer and I sent it to my whole story and it went everywhere. It was on Jimmy Kimmel. It was on like
What? all every headline and I had spoiled it so I had to void my contract so they could anything that entertainment lawyer like redlined and took out or changed voided because I screwed the whole thing. But did you still get paid? I still got paid. They could have they could have deuced me. They could have sued me for $5 million. Oh my god.
Yeah. So luckily that's why I I was like
Ken Rideout
Of those things when you posted it and realized it had posted were you like oh my Did
Kaitlyn Bristowe
you have like I almost threw up. Yeah, I would too. I was so sick to my stomach. I felt so bad. They thought I did it on purpose cuz they thought I was like this rebel that was like screw you guys. You did this to me. I'm going to do this. Like and I didn't and I was like I felt terrible. And so it's crazy that I still I don't know.
I should have just shut my mouth and not tweeted things about the creator of the damn show but here we are. It works.
Ken Rideout
Oh my god. Okay, so you get five years later you get Dancing with the Stars.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
What happens there? I it was a dream come true. It was a total pinch me moment because
Ken Rideout
Dancer so it's like I think it's kind of like no offense. I think it's super unfair when they bring in a real dancer and I'm like this girl's going to like destroy everyone. I got this guy over here has two [ __ ] left feet.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I know I agree but here's the thing about the show is it all is up to the votes. It really like your dancing sure matters but also I'd never done ballroom and I almost had to unlearn so much I knew about dancing to do ballroom. It was so much harder than I thought it was going to be and I trained so hard. I was like lifting weights four times a week. I was going to physical therapist. Like she was throwing like a tennis ball at me while I had like drunk goggles on and balancing on one foot just to like build my ankle strength to go on the show because I was like I will win this show.
Ken Rideout
I had to. Were you on the season with Nev Schulman?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yes. Oh, you were?
Ken Rideout
I beat him. He still hates me for it. No, he genuinely? Ask him. He's my really good friend. I love him. Does he really he really dislike you?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
To lose your mind. He I asked him how he feels about it.
Ken Rideout
You because he's like He was not happy. He was not happy.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
A dancer. Yes, he was really good.
Ken Rideout
A dance studio. So he didn't
I'm pissed that I didn't watch this season now.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
He didn't tell people that and then it came out where I was honest about dancing. He didn't tell people and then people found out he like actually took it in school and like his parents yeah, but he was a really he was runner-up and I won. And he yeah, we had a bit of beef for a second.
Really? I love him but I don't think he he came on my podcast recent not recently like a year ago. Oh, okay. Okay. So you know him. Fine. Oh, okay.
But ask him cuz I bet it he has a funny response to that.
Ken Rideout
That's funny. I love Nev. He's a really nice guy but I love you too.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
No, he's I I love him. I really do. I felt bad because I mean Bachelor Nation is so ride or die and they're so loyal and they really came through for my win. They're like I really think Nev was the better ballroom dancer. Yes, I do.
And he's going to love that I said that. But it was such a moment for me because I was like I had to quit dancing at 25 because I didn't feel good enough
Yeah. to then go on Dancing with the Stars. I was dancing with a cracked rib, a torn muscle underneath the rib. I had tendonitis in my ankle. I couldn't even
Ken Rideout
Be one of the most painful
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I couldn't even breathe without being in pain. And
Broken rib is serious injury. One of my friends played in the NHL and he goes Kaitlyn, this is playoff hockey. You just you just go through anything and you just put your mind to it and you're going to win. And I was like trying to explain it to him after I did win. I was like that would be like you not making it into the NHL and then for 10 years just wondering what that dream would feel like to be a dance or to be an a hockey player.
Ken Rideout
Then to get invited back into the NHL 10 years later and win the Stanley Cup. Like that's what that felt like to me. And I was just like it's like my greatest pride and joy is the mirror ball. best dreams I've ever had is I wake up and I'm skating out onto the ice for the Bruins with an I don't even the game doesn't even start. The dream is that I've done it. I'm on the ice. I have this You have the dream of doing it.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
You don't have the dream of like forgetting your skates or you can't skate.
Ken Rideout
I've had all those dreams but I the my favorite dream is I'm actually on the Bruins and I'm skating on the ice and I'm warming up and I'm like you at the on the stage in row I'm looking around and I'm like holy [ __ ] I'm here. I don't care if I even get on one shift. This jersey has my name on it.
You understand the hockey dream. It's funny. I am I was recently connected with Joe Mazzulla the coach for the Celtics and I sent him a signed book and he was like hey man, congrats and we're having a conversation and I haven't told him this but I would do anything just to share a couple words with the team and someone was asking like oh, how much do you pay to get how much do you get paid to speak? I said well, it depends. If it's like a professional sports team, I just want a jersey with my name on it.
Other than that, I'll cover my own travel. I'll pay for everything. I'll pay you.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel the same way about certain things.
Ken Rideout
Yeah. But that that dream is the best. So to be to your point again, sorry to hijack the conversation.
Other people's But stories. when you're out there and you're dancing and I've heard people say like I had a friend who was a ballet dancer and she when she was doing the what are the spins called? Like not not a pirouette. It's something else plié.
Plié? Plié is just bending. Oh, whatever the thing is where they just spin. It must have been a pirouette.
Yeah. And they're like I just kept going and going and it was like I was it was magic. Did you feel like that where you were just floating? Like it's all it's all clicking?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yes. Yes. At the very at like each week it was so challenging because you're learning you're doing like six to eight hours in the studio learning one dance over and over and you're I'm with like my my coach was this Russian guy named Artem and he was so hard on me but I loved it because it was like a real coach and he was so intense and it it pushed me further than I ever thought I could be.
Ken Rideout
No.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
He was You know, he he he was married to Nikki Bella who's like a WWE wrestler.
Oh, damn. Yeah, I'm not messing with that. Yeah.
Nor did I we just didn't have that kind of we had really great dance. No, cuz that's such a thing on Dancing with the Stars. People people fall in love.
Ken Rideout
I wouldn't be happy if my I mean I wouldn't ever tell my wife she couldn't but I wouldn't want to see my wife dancing with a handsome muscular guy hugging her and like I would like I'm way too insecure.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
It's very passionate dancing. Yeah. It's so funny cuz now I think of like if the person that I was dating went on I would be so excited. I'd want to be in the studio every day. Like I just know that and they're all family to me at this point. But yeah, it was it was crazy and then I was I was so insecure every week because I like couldn't ever get to a point where I was like I am so good at ballroom until the very end and it was the last episode.
I was like it was a freestyle dance. So it wasn't so much ballroom and we did Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend which that was the song. I still get goosebumps. That was the song I when I was 19 years old I won a dance scholarship on to go to Vancouver to dance and then that's what happened.
No. Oh my god. And I came down from the ceiling on a chair and like had this big top hat and it was just like it was oh, I'm still getting goosebumps. I just it was like everything to me and I was like I don't even if I don't win like that moment for me was so huge and standing there it was a Bachelorette had won the previous season. So I was like Nev's probably going to win. They're not going to make two Bachelorettes win in a row.
Like I know that it really is up to the votes but at the end of the day the production can they can do anything.
So I was like it's probably going to be Nev. So I was just sitting there and the heartbeat that they play while you wait for the results and I was like it's the longest pause in TV history and then when they said my name I was like I just screamed at the top of my lungs. Like Tyra Banks was the host and she was trying to say something to us but I was like Meanwhile Nev's like I'm going to [ __ ] kill you. I I don't even think I saw I went to his house later that night because he had a party but everyone had gone home and the two of us were just drunk and I was like I got to go home.
Ken Rideout
Oh my god. Did you meet his wife? Uh yes.
Nev's wife is cool.
She is awesome.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
She's a she is also a saint. I feel like she's just a good human.
Ken Rideout
Yeah, she's I think though that she's like got a very like laissez-faire attitude like totally. I wouldn't want to offend any you her or anyone else but she reminds me a lot of you with her attitude of like freeness.
Yeah. If that's if that makes sense.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
To be free.
Ken Rideout
Yeah, she's definitely free and she's really cool. She's got a great attitude and she's gorgeous.
Yes, she is. Um I'm thinking about just again for a theater kid to be coming down from the ceiling with the top hat and the outfits and the and the production with between Broadway and all that you've done. This is why I wanted to talk to you like for a kid with big dreams in Canada, especially like a little girl
Yeah. to have all these dreams and then to have actually done it all and done it all the way you wanted to and not be like a perfect uh manufactured like industry plants of like
Yeah. We've got this girl and we're going to make her everything. You're like, no. They've tried to stop me every every which way and I just kept doing things unconventional. Yes.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Incredible. Thank you for saying that cuz I I feel like I'm that's what I'm the most proud of. My dad actually sat me down the other day and I thought he was going to tell me he had cancer and was dying cuz I was like he was like I need to talk to you in in another room and I was like, oh god. And he was like, I just want to go through like every accomplishment you've ever done and he goes, and that's not even my favorite thing.
He goes, my favorite thing about everything you've done is that you've stayed true to who you are and not letting anyone take that away from you and that's how you've been successful because so many times I was like, oh I'd probably get this job if I did this or if I just shut up here or if I stayed quiet or small here. But I was like, no, that's not me. And so it's been really fun. Um a lot of times I'm hard on myself cuz I go, okay, what's next?
What I What can I do next instead of being like, look at everything I've done and be proud of myself. So I'm trying to be more present in the like where I'm at in my life with everything that I've done cuz I really am so proud of it all. Yeah, I know you should be.
And I've done so much inner child work therapy like it's like beyond. I've talked to like every version of myself and like I'm like I do so many visualizations and meditations and manifestations and every time I go back and like I have like my seven-year-old self that I talk to and my 11-year-old self and like I have different moments in my life where I go back and I'm like, we did it.
Ken Rideout
You definitely did and I will tell you like getting to know you is you know, you see some people they have a little bit of fame and success and all of a sudden they think they're important.
Ew. You are like just the most sincere and like down-to-earth person in terms of like, yeah, you're crazy but you're the same crazy you were probably before the success and anyone who is wasting time like hating you for anything just obviously doesn't know you because it's easy to think someone becomes famous for whatever and but like unlike influencers are famous for being famous, you've actually like shown real talent on multiple stages and done things that deserve credit.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Thank you.
Ken Rideout
But you haven't become famous and all of a sudden you think you're better than any anyone. I don't I know I know. tolerate that [ __ ] I just like I don't want to hang out with that person cuz she thinks she's better than anyone.
I've seen that. You do not come across like that and I'm not saying this for any reason other than I wouldn't talk to you if I did if I thought that.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah.
Ken Rideout
But I just I when I met you, I mean I've known you for a while but after doing your podcast, I came home and told told Shelby I'm like, dude, she's awesome. Like I didn't really I didn't really know how cool she was. She's [ __ ] normal. She's very normal. And then Shelby was the one who was like, you know how much [ __ ] she's done? She has a song. I'm like, what?
Yeah. So you have a song?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I've written three songs. One actually went number one. Like I was it was like me and then Justin Bieber. I was like just a couple Canadians. No, it was and I think it's because it was that reaction. People were like, you sing? So everyone downloaded out of curiosity which got me to the number one spot.
Ken Rideout
Oh my Do you know how crazy this is?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yes. I I No. Okay, we're going to work on that.
I know that's the I want that to be my next thing but I literally like have a screenshot of where it went number one on iTunes and I was like, this is the craziest thing that's ever happened to me. And it's it is funny cuz I'm like I have seen people get a little taste of fame and change and I always it's easy to do that because you get, you know, lost in it or whatever but I'm like I just need it's really important to me to be humble and stay true to myself.
And I really do think that comes with a lot of like personal work. Like the amount of therapy I do is embarrassing. Like it's I have three different therapists. Like it's four if you include chat GPT.
Ken Rideout
Multiple times you're crazy so that's in in in my mind.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
That's what I wanted to say was I love being crazy. I feel like it's part of my like magic and I remember Megan Fox said in an interview once like people stole her sparkle because she like I think she used to be a little crazy and fun and just herself
Yeah. and I think she really let people get the best of her Yep. and I'm not even on Megan Fox's level and I can understand that like even the level that I'm at I could see how that can happen
Yeah. and I'm like I'm just going to stay crazy as much as people want to because I do think that's a good thing and I do think it's part of like what makes me unique is because it's not a put-on crazy. I'm just naturally a little bit crazy and that's just part of my DNA at this point and I like it. It's fun being a little crazy.
Ken Rideout
But I told you this on your show. Everyone that is massively successful that people admire is crazy. Like the people that admire the Kardashians and they're crazy.
Yeah, you got to be a little dilulu. Bezos, Gates, they're they're crazy.
Yeah. Some some more crazy than others but the point is normal people do normal things.
Yeah. And to see all of these accomplishments from this little girl from Canada is just like again, I I feel like if I don't like try and land this, we're going to just keep talking about all the things that you've done and it's [ __ ] awesome. But when you said a screenshot of your of your song at number one. For a little while my book was number one in sports and like a bunch of different categories on Amazon and I was screenshotting everything because it it comes and goes so quickly.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yes, but you have to be so proud in those moments.
Ken Rideout
So proud. Like I look at it and I'm like, regardless of anything that happens like I I I was a national bestseller That's insane.
It's insane.
Yeah. I mean when I did the book publishing deal with Simon & Schuster like in the early days like I would have paid them a hundred thousand dollars to publish it.
Just to like have a legitimate publisher. So to think of the things and and that's not even a fraction of the things of the success that you've had so it's just
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Faced a lot more adversity than I have but It's it's all relative.
Ken Rideout
It is relative. The most traumatic thing that ever happened to you is the most traumatic thing that ever happened to you. It doesn't matter if it was horrible abuse or bullying. It sucks.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
That's what I say about little like like say a three-year-old drops her cookies and she has like the biggest tantrum and the parents like, oh my god, it's just cookies. But like that's the worst thing that's ever happened to her in her life. How sweet is that that she's three and the worst thing that's ever happened is she dropped her little cookies. Like that's she's just working through a little tantrum and I think that's
Ken Rideout
Brain for that kind of trauma. Let's say it's a room. When something traumatic happens and it fills the room, it doesn't matter if it was like horrible physical abuse or someone yelled at you or you dropped your cookie. It's like, oh my god, I don't know what to do with all this trauma and eventually over time unfortunately you get so jaded and scarred that you're like, oh someone talked [ __ ] about me? Like join the crowd. But one thing before we wrap up and I know you like you've got things to do today and I appreciate all of your time but I love the fact that again, not to make this about me or compare comparison in any ways but I've done a lot of work to try to like fix myself and I think a lot of crazy people tend to be carrying around a lot of trauma.
But you've also done some of that work at places like Onsite. I assume you've talked about this.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
So many times and Hoffman.
Ken Rideout
What was Okay, perfect. What was the motivation to sign up and what was your takeaway and what is your advice to others that might be going through similar struggles?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
My motivation was simply just like I could tell it's Hoffman specifically cuz it's seven days of inner child work and it's about 13 to 15 hours a day and you really go really deep. But my motivation was that was kind of the last piece that I hadn't worked on on myself and I'd seen the benefits of all the other therapy that I'd done that I went, I'm still holding on to some resentment towards my parents when I know they were just doing the best and I couldn't even imagine better parents but I could tell just so many things that of conditioned ways of thinking um that will happen to any child.
You you are conditioned to believe a certain way and I was conditioned to think a lot of things that weren't true and I was it was really just getting in my own way. So my motivation was to like work on that inner child to give my myself and my parents a lot of grace for, you know, what my mom went through as a child is not okay. It's just really freeing to um have that level of forgiveness for your parents, for people in your life who have wronged you, for yourself and I worked through and moved through a lot of emotions and I just I'm a big believer in moving energy and you do exercises there that you're like being physical, you do mental, you do visualizations and it was life-changing for me and what was your next part?
Motivate What motivated you? What I learned from it?
Yep. That we're all just the same. We're all humans trying to feel seen, heard and loved for just being who we are and I am very easy to be critical of others immediately and then I always want to know about their childhood cuz then I go I'm going to like have empathy towards it. We're all just the same. We're all the same and nobody's better than anyone else and we all have our own stories. And then what was the third part? I think that was it.
Ken Rideout
That was what I wanted to know was what was the motivation? What did you learn? Oh, what my advice for people advice for people that might be considering going themselves.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
I just think everyone on this planet Earth should dive into who they are, why they are the way they are and get to know themselves better than anyone else in the world because I literally used to take I still do this once in a while. I try and do it once a month, take myself on a date.
Yeah. But when I was first really getting into therapy and working on myself, I remember my therapist told me I had to write down a hundred things I loved about myself and I was like, what? I can think of five. And then she was like, just as long as it takes you. And I would take myself on dates and I would get to a hundred things where I'd write down and I would ask myself questions and I would be like cuz I'd be like I always try and get to know other people and I'm trying to focus on other things and sitting alone is usually uncomfortable for a lot of people cuz it brings up a lot of thoughts and I was like I have to learn how to sit alone and it is the greatest gift I've ever given myself because maybe too much of a gift cuz now I love alone time too much.
But getting to know yourself and doing the therapy and forgiving your past or your parents past or anything that you do to like just create forgiveness and like love in your heart is like it just changes who you are as a person. Yeah, I love it.
And in therapy has done wonders for me and my mental health. Even though this message is also brought to you by Zoloft.
Ken Rideout
We're going to get you off the Zoloft.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I want to.
Ken Rideout
That. Have you tried psychedelics?
Kaitlyn Bristowe
No, but I'm so open to that and I also want to do brain mapping. I want to do psychedelics and brain mapping.
Ken Rideout
Well, I'm I've been talking to the people at Ambio Life about that doing ibogaine down in Mexico. So if you want to come with me, we can do it together.
I don't think ibogaine's not a vomiter. That's ayahuasca. Okay, yeah, then I'm in. If it doesn't make you [ __ ] and
I don't want to throw up either. But I have smoked DMT and that was that's the most powerful psychedelic ever. I'll tell you about that offline. Oh my god, that was that was life-changing like Really?
Profound and it's quick. Yeah, yeah.
No illness at all. Like you don't throw up or anything like you're like a like an iPhone that gets rebooted where it goes black and then a line comes on. That's what happens. Like you're out and then physically, but your brain is somewhere else?
Did things that I didn't know a brain could do. It would be like if you never had vision or hearing and then you experience vision for the first time. You're like what is going on here? Just the thoughts. But it's they call it the ego death because the first thing that happens and it's instantaneous, but also everlasting. Yeah. The feeling is I describe it as you're on the edge of a building and someone just comes over and shoves you off in that split second where you're like I'm falling.
Like you you just killed me. What are you doing? And I and your arms and legs are flailing and when you realize like I'm dead it's over. I'm I'm going to
Kaitlyn Bristowe
You surrender.
Ken Rideout
And you the minute I stopped fighting I literally took a deep breath. I was unconscious and then my head fell to the side and I was like I was awake. I was like oh my god, I'm not dead. But you're still like kind of in a trance.
Yeah. But it was the most terrifying thing that ever happened, but when it happened and I realized I wasn't dead the things that I was grateful for were just your heart explodes with like the things that are important. All I could think about was like one of my children who just needed me more than the others.
Yeah. It makes me very emotional and because I was like oh my god, this kid needs all of my attention for specific reasons and all the things you don't wake up and then not care about other things, but you're like I can't believe I was worried about closing that deal or I'm obsessing over like I got to do another training session today. You're just like the things that are important to you get highlighted and again, you were just dead. So all of a sudden you're like I'm not dead.
I have a chance to like fix these things.
Wow. So I can go on forever and I could talk to you forever, but we're going to talk about ibogaine and I'm going to let you go. I know you've got places to be, but thanks so much for doing this. You're an inspiration to a lot of people. You I always say this, whatever you think about yourself, it's true. Absolutely.
That can tell you anything about you is you and you basically controlled the narrative and the dialogue around who you are and on your terms and I'm super proud to be your friend and I love everything that you've done. Please keep it up and I can't wait to see what you do next. I'm sure it's going to be probably winning an Oscar or something.
Kaitlyn Bristowe
Just don't forget me when you win. No, I will not. Thank you for having me and thank you for having this conversation. I really I really believe that like as long as people are wanting to be who they are at their core. Like if if you want to go out there and do big things, you're going to. If you don't want to, then you don't have to. Like if you're shy, be shy. If you're loud, be loud. I just I think that's important and I like the message that you're spreading as well.
Ken Rideout
I appreciate you. Thanks for being with me. Thank you.
Thanks. Boom. All right, guys. I hope you enjoyed that conversation as much as I did. Please take a quick minute to subscribe to the podcast wherever you're listening. This is a new show, so subscribing makes a huge difference. Please also take a minute to give it a review and leave a comment on Apple podcast and on Spotify. You can also subscribe and leave a comment on YouTube. Again, this is really important for us especially now since we're just getting started.
You can learn more about me, this podcast and also find links to purchase my upcoming memoir at the other side of hard.com. My new book is called everything you want is on the other side of hard and it comes out March 10th available everywhere you buy books or again go into the other side of hard.com. There's multiple links there where you can find all the retailers carrying the book.
Thanks a lot for being with us and we'll see you next week.
Key takeaways
- Bristowe went to therapy and learned to support herself after a breakup left her without work, savings, or a place of her own.
- She turned down an early waist-trainer promotion after a friend urged her to protect audience trust and long-term opportunities.
- When producers made her compete for The Bachelorette role, she hired a lawyer and negotiated pay equal to the Bachelor.
- She says contestants can lose control of their story when producers record, edit, and stage scenes behind the scenes.
- Her Dancing With the Stars win mattered because it returned her to dance after she quit pursuing it at 25.
- She uses therapy and solo dates to understand her habits, forgive herself and others, and stay connected to her values.
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