The Enforcer Who Had to Rebuild.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:46

Yeah. My dad,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:47

And it's hard sometimes to to compare because not really living in this certain area, but um in Boston, you know, certainly very provincial uh when it comes to the hometown, a lot of pride and [clears throat] uh our heritage, whether it's Irish, Italian, who whatever. Yeah. In that city.

And you know, it has its past when you talk about the racial divide in the country. Um [clears throat] certainly the busing all the things that happened in our childhood

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan2:33

Back then uh and the influence it had you know listen I I loved where I grew up and you know

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan3:09

I often explain it. You have that streetwise city tough personality. And I think a lot has to do with kids who hung around together on the street corner and used to bust each other's balls.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan3:26

Let's [clears throat] be blunt. There's a lot of fresh pricks.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan3:30

We're fresh there. You know, we're not afraid to speak our mind no matter what. And sometimes that gets you in trouble.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan3:39

And it also gets you a few laughs here and there.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan3:51

Wayne Turner.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan3:53

Who was from Kitimat, British Columbia, black kid who I play with. Just a great When I tell you a super human being.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan4:01

I couldn't have been happier. He Here he is in Boston scoring the winning goal for Northeastern University after, [snorts] you know, the the pass of Boston. And here he is Northeastern not winning the the Bean Pot for years years. I don't know how many years it was, 25 years.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan4:20

And he ends up scoring that win a goal. Couldn't be happier for him. But yeah, Northeastern, you know, I went to Catholic school growing up. I went to Catholic memorial. Uh during the program, great hockey program, but I didn't play varsity till I was a junior.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan4:36

I sat on the bench all the time as a freshman. I almost quit hockey. It was not for my dad. I remember the last game of the season, I wasn't playing. We we were playing at the old Boston Arena.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan4:48

They just tore it down.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan4:50

And I'm coming out and my father's looking at me. I got my bag over my shoulder and he said, "You okay?" And yeah, whatever. But and we're walking around the corner and the coach John Glenn Bad Eyes his name was Bad Eyes cuz he always squinting. Yeah. Bad eyes. And Bad Eyes Glenn comes around the corner of my father and slammed him with his shoulder and said, "Hey, how come my kid can't play? sits on the bench or you don't give him a chance. Blah blah blah.

I was embarrassed, but I also kind of understood where he was coming from, but I was like, I'm never going to play now.

So, we get in the car. We get in the car. We're going honestly, I'm I think I'm going to quit hard. I don't want to play anymore. [clears throat] And he he said to me, uh he looked down at me. He said, "You can quit if you want. Go right ahead and quit if you want. I'm going to tell you right now, you'll remember that for the rest of your life. and you won't only just remember it for the rest of your life. It'll haunt you.

I was like, okay, that's a little severe. So, he said, you can quit or you can do some things to try and get yourself better and get through this. And I did. And I finally made Vasi as a junior, play for Billy Hansen, junior, senior year. And then my senior year, all the kids are going off to college. I was a young senior. I was 17 most of my senior year.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan6:09

I started school early. I finally one day after being there four years at CM I saw the guidance office and I said maybe I should go in the guidance office and and my coach Billy Hansen was the guidance counselor that year. So I went into coach Hansen. I said listen all these kids are going off to college. I got nowhere to go. What am I going to do? He said listen you're a young senior. Why don't you think of prep school? What's prep school? He told me.

So sure enough, I applied to a couple prep schools and one was in Lake Boston, New York, Northwood school.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan6:42

And I had another coach outside of CM, Judge Paul King. His brother Ed was the governor.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan6:47

And the judge was chief justice at Dorchester District Court.

And I played for the judge outside of CM. [ __ ]

He saw something in me. I I don't know, maybe a little bit of himself, but he took a liking of me. I played all the time. This guy was in my corner. Unbelievable. And the judge uh wrote me a recommendation off to Northeastern. I mean Northwood. I get in. He helped me get in there. I went up there and I had been in trouble with the law. Saw him batteries. I got him in some crazy [ __ ] when I was a kid. And he was constantly talking to me about you got to stay out of trouble.

You got to Anyway, off to Northwood. He said, "Stay out of trouble, you know, uh, do your work in school and then I'm not worried so much about the hockey game." So, I went up there for the year. I did [clears throat] really good in school. I got most improved student.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan7:41

I got most improved player and I kind of stayed out of trouble. Nothing real bad.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan7:47

And then last game of the season, the judge shows up to my game. We were playing BC. After the game, he introduced me to Fernie Flaman, coach of Northeastern. He said, "I brought Fernie to come and see you today." Fernie said, "You know, when you get through with Northwood, come and see me. We'll sit down and talk about you maybe coming to Northeast. I come home, go see Fernie." Boom. Full scholarship to Northeastern.

Jesus. Now, listen to this. This is crazy how my life went with this guy. The judge was like my angel. He was my mentor when I didn't even know he was my mentor. You know, I ended up in his court in front of him for felony.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan8:27

In the docket. He had to recuse himself.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan8:30

Yeah. Yeah. From the case. That was numerous times I got in trouble. Anyway, he he saw something in me and he he stuck with me. I go to Northeastern. My [clears throat] second year I get drafted by the Canadiens. Stayed in school one more year. I wanted to leave. My father wouldn't let me. And then after the third year, I'm like, I'm out of here. I turn pro. Fast forward, go through my career, retire. The judge dies at the age of 69. He's starting to get dementia and was wasn't well.

He had a he was hunched over, the judge. He he had arthritis. He was hunched over. I'm at his funeral sitting in the church and in comes a guy and sits next to me who I knew from Montreal, Dickie Moore. Dickie Moore was with the Canadiens. They won five Stanley Cups in a row. Judge and him were like that. So when I was at Northeastern, the judge called Dickie and said, "Listen, can you talk to Sam Pollock, the general manager of Canadiens, have him come and someone come and see Chris at Northeast, but just get please get Sam Pollock to draft Chris.

I don't care. He can take him with the last pick. I guarantee you." He said, "You draft Chris Nilan." The judge said this and he'll do the rest. Now I'm at the funeral and Dickie says to me, "Let's go grab a bite to eat afterwards." So, and I saw Dickie all the time in Montreal. We went to lunch a few times. I'd see him in the locker room. He said, "You know, the judge never wanted me to tell you this." So, he was dead and gone.

He's the reason you got drafted by the Canadiens. He He wanted you to think all the time that came from you. You earned your way. and he said, "You did earn your way, but he's the one who opened the door for you." So, it's unbelievable story. I'm like, I spent time with him before he died.

You know, I would come home and take him to lunch and we'd talk and he I freaking loved him. You know, he remind me of Columbbo. Remember Columbo?

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan10:28

Had the old Jack and the over coat and that's how he was. He He was such a what an influence on my life and what a blessing. He was an angel in my life.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan10:42

He we had one coach. [clears throat] We're a lot of city kids. We played in the team called Hub City. Yep.

And we're from different neighborhoods around. It was like an all-star team.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan10:51

We had a coach that just couldn't handle us.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan10:55

So, he took over and he come in and the first thing he did was give everybody his phone number. He said, "You ever get in trouble, call me first."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan11:02

So, guys are like, "This guy's cool." And off we went. You know, he was sitting at court all day. He he had six kids long.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan11:10

He would start before he he lived in Canton and before he would go to the court in Dorchester every day, he'd meet his chiropractor, get adjusted and go in there and he'd be like this, hunched all like that. He had arthritis really bad. What a man. He god, I only wish. And he knew I felt how I felt about him.

Yeah. But I only wish I could talk to him today to really would be so different emotionally for me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan11:43

Where I am today in my life to be able to express myself to him

Like um I I would want to

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan11:52

My dad knew him. Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan11:54

He only knew him through me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan11:56

And my dad he liked the judge cuz Oh, good. The judge helped me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan13:01

Well, I went to training camp Montreal and they won four cups in a row.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan13:10

I was drafted in 1978.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan13:13

And I could have left school and I might have been there for their fourth in a row.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan13:19

But my dad said, "You're staying at school. You ain't getting out." And I wasn't going to go against my father. Although I wanted to, but I was so scared [ __ ] that I'm staying in school.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan13:36

All the guys I hated.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan13:47

I get drafted and the Habs are going for their fourth in a row. They're playing the Bruins.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan13:53

I'm still at Northeastern. I'm with a friend of mine, Franny Flareity from South Boston. Franny says, "Let's go over and watch practice." So, we go to the garden, sitting there watching practice. While we're sitting there, Franny says, "Why don't you go see if you can get tickets from the Canadiens and we'll go to Montreal and see the next game up there." So, I mean, yeah, whatever. So, I go down and uh I talked to one guy and he said, "No, I don't take care of that.

Talk to that guy over there." So, was Howard Grumman. He was the road secretary. So, I go up to Howard. I said, "Listen, Howard, my name's Chris Nilan. I was drafted by the Canadiens last year. I'd love to come next game in Montreal. You think you'd get me tickets?" He said, "What's your name?" I said, "Chris Nilan." I spelled it out for him. So, he goes in the guide book and he looks at last year's draft. He goes, "Yeah, you were a draft." He said, "Yeah, I'll leave you tickets, blah, blah, blah." So, Freddy and I go out, watch the rest of practice, and practice is over.

We go out, we get in the car, and we're coming around. Franny had [clears throat] the big T-Ird, right? white leather interior like badass cool looking car. We you know we're dressed in sweat sneakers. We look like a couple Irish punks.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan15:04

And uh we end up uh coming around the corner and there's three guys on the corner looking standing there looking for a cab. Guy Lafleur, Guy Lapointe and Jacques Lemaire. So they're on the corner for Frank. He goes let's give them a ride. So we pull up and they all got Stanley Cup frames on. They're dressed up. So Franny goes, "Hey, you guys want to ride the hotel? Not many cabs around. They're like looking at us. Should we get in? We're going to get robbed there or what?" So they jump in and we're heading over to Hyatt in Cambridge where they were staying.

And on our way over, Franny goes, "You know this guy here, he's going to be playing with you guys next year." Yeah. I'm going, "Fuck, I'm turning bright red." And Lemaire sitting in the back, Hall of Famer, right?

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan15:50

He says, "Oh, yeah. How are you going to do that? And I said, 'Well, listen. I I was drafted by you guys this past summer. And he goes, "Really? You were drafted by us? I'm drafted, right?" They go, "Really?" I said, "I play hockey here at Northeastern and I was drafted." He goes, "Really? What round were you drafted in?" I said, "The 17th." I was 231 players in the world out of 234 that were taken in the world. So they start off and thinking this kid doesn't have a freaking clue.

He might come to training camp but he ain't making nothing.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan16:33

I'm coming.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan16:34

I'm coming. That's all I know. I'm showing up and we drop them off and then we go up to the game. You know, first round picks are like everybody first round pick. They treat you like

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan16:45

So I get up there with Franny. I go to get the tickets. You have tickets for Chris Nilan. The lady goes, "Yeah, ID." And I give her the ID. She go back gets a ticket. She goes, "That'll be $260." Here I am with college. She had another kind of money and he had a credit card. He banged it on the card. And um we went to the game. Now I come to training camp next year and I'm sitting in the main locker room, Canadiens locker room.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan17:11

I see Lafleur. I'm on the same team as them. They used to break you up into four teams. You play round robin turn. They wanted to see what you did. Yeah. So, he's staring at me. He keeps looking at me and I look over and he goes, "Hey, have a neck." He says, "It's you, the kid from Boston. You give us a ride. Thank you." You know, I was like,

I couldn't believe he recognized.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan17:34

Anyway, and that happened with the other two guys at different points. They recognized me and holy [ __ ] You know, the rest is really history when it comes to that. But, uh,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan17:56

No, but one thing I learned from the Bruins that, you know, you got to stick up for yourself. And I I I was always that way with my my family and my friends, like I'll stick up. I'm a loyal friend. I'll whatever.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan18:10

Time to go. It's time to go.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan18:22

I wasn't a heavyweight but I fought every heavyweight.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan18:28

Yeah, it's a good question because when I finished training camp Montreal, I never fought in the ice mod.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan18:48

During training camp, I was there for the week. You know, I tried to play physical, but it was a [ __ ] big jump from college to there. You're like, "Holy shit."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan18:58

Yeah. It's night and day. Like, so there's no way I could have started in Montreal.

But I end up getting sent to Nova Scotia's training camp and I had to go to camp down there. So you did one week with Montreal and no fights. So they're thinking like So they're thinking like

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan19:20

And and then I go to camp down in in [clears throat] Halifax with the Nova Scotia Voyagers who were

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan19:28

That's in the American hockey. Yeah. I end up getting there and the coach, his name is Bert Templeton and Bert coached in junior in Canada. He always had tough teams. LC Core, all these tough guys, right? And he he wanted guys that could fight tough guys.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan19:48

No.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan19:51

The guy who helped me the most was Timmy Burke. He was played at UNH. Timmy Burke was uh assistant. He was Montreal draft, never played in Montreal, but Nova Scotia. He uh he coached in the NHL and he was assistant GM and um head of scouting in San Jose for years. Yeah.

He's still there today and he is knowledgeable, knows the game, knows players like

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan20:15

Anyway, when I came in, he said, "Listen, this coach does not like college kids." So,

Don't get the front of the line, get the back. Watch.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan20:42

Very few.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan20:43

Very few. And we got there and sure enough there was a kid from um Marramat College, Richie Costello. And I today I still feel bad about Rich, but he did the drill first. He was first in line. did the drill and he screwed the drill up in Templeton. And now I'm like I'm standing there with Timmy in line and he goes blows a whistle. He said, "Costello, you dumb fuck." He said, "I thought you [ __ ] college kids were supposed to be smart." He said, "Get at the end of the [ __ ] line and watch." Rich was gone the next day.

See you later. He got sent down to the Flint, the next level down. Timmy said, "See, I told you." Anyway, fast forward. We I get to training camp there.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan21:32

Well, there was one game in training camp that was a turning point for me uh a little bit. We were on the bench and we were playing exhibition game and I got in a little shoving thing with a guy on another team, big kid. His name was Bam Bam Balon.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan21:50

Been in the league for a while. Tough Frenchman, but tough. Yeah, it did. So I push him over. I get back to the bench and there's a kid Dave Allison played in the Ontario. He fought in hockey and everything which I never did. Yeah.

I'm a college kid.

So he's on the bench. He looks down. He goes, "Hey, [ __ ] college kid.

What are you trying to start a [ __ ] brawl? You ever been in a brawl before?" And hey, [ __ ] you. You don't know what a brawl is, you [ __ ] We're going out on the bench now. Bert loves it. Yeah.

So I get his attention. I [ __ ] don't talk to Alice and the rest of camp. I don't say a word to him. I ignore him. Blah blah. I get a fivegame trial. I didn't have a contract.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan22:29

Fiveame trial for $200 a game. The first four games are at home in in Halifax.

The next game is on the road in Maine. Maine was Philly's farm team. They had a tough team. They kicked the [ __ ] out of Nova Scotia year before in the playoffs. They beat them four straight. Not only on the scoreboard,

They slashed them. They beat them up. Yeah,

They had a small team. My first game is in Maine. My family all comes up to see my father. Everybody's up there. I go out and I hit a kid, Glenn Cochrane. Glenn was 6'4 to some. He had arms. His knuckles were down. He was a knuckle drager. And he was the reigning heavyweight in the league. So I hit him and he turned around, slashed me. I slashed him back. We drop our gloves. We get going. Boom. And I hit him. Gash him open. He goes nuts.

We after each other. We both get kicked out of the game. I play one shift.

So I think I'm in trouble. I get kicked out of the game.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan23:25

I go back to hotel, get up in the morning, co coach call me, say, "Hey,

Chris, come down the room. I want to see you. Give me his room number." So I come walking. I think I'm going to get sent to Flint. Like Yeah.

Cuz I got kicked out of the game.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan23:40

Flint was internationally. Okay. Step down.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan23:43

So he I come in. He said, "Hey, great game last night. Good job." Blah blah blah. He said, "Do you have an agent?" They said, "No, I don't." He said, "Well, Montreal wants to sign you to a contract, so you might want to find an agent." One fight, I had an NHL contract. Now, not only that, once it went around the league, I traveled like wildfire that [ __ ] I beat Cochrane.

Every guy in the league wanted to fight me. So,

49 games I played in Halifax. 49 before I got called up.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan24:16

49 games.

That's like a half a season. But listen, I had 15 goals and 10 assists. So I showed him like that's a point every two games for a tough guy. That's huge.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan24:25

For a tough guy.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan24:27

Yeah. And I had 304 minutes in penalties in 49 games. I would have had all the like probably close to 500 minutes. If I stayed there the whole year,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan24:43

I don't know. My biggest year was three. I really had the league twice. 326.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan24:56

It's crazy. Just crazy.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan25:07

No, I could I couldn't wait. I had my fears, but I I I wasn't fearless, but I was able to get through the fear, you know? I through the fear, oh, this guy's tough. this guy's big, this guy, you know, I I kind of knew who the possibilities were, but

I didn't know all that at the start. I kind of took me a while to get it and then some guys would help me

And say, "Hey, listen. This guy you got to watch out for. He's a lefty. He's a righty." Which helped me going into the fight. So, all that fighting was awesome. Like, you know, I'm young. I'm want to go 20 years old. I'm like, "Come on, take."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan25:47

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan25:52

Oh, I became friends with him. I I He was a great guy. Okay.

But he he actually we're in the bar before the season started and he said to me, uh, he said, "Hey, Chris, I didn't know." I said, "Yeah, a lot of people didn't know." And we became friends. Dave Allison, great guy.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan26:10

But I'll never forget that. That was like a But it caught the coach's eye that I snapped back at him.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan26:17

It was pretty cool. But, uh, yeah, the fighting end of it, like I said, I had fear. I had fear of losing fights. I didn't want to lose fights.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan26:28

No, half

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan26:32

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan26:34

I got a phone call u from the coach.

Where were you? I was at home in Halifax and he called me said, "Hey, come and see me."

Uh, I got to talk to you, man.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan26:47

Bert. Bert Templeton. And I came in and I get in the office. He goes, "Hey, kid." He got called up. You're going to the Canadiens. And I'm like, "No way." He said, "Yeah." He said, "Listen, I'm so happy for you. You deserve it." And [clears throat] it was really cool. He he he helped me

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan27:13

No. You know what's funny is when

I was pumped. I was nervous though. I mean there [ __ ] I'm going up.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan27:59

Yeah. I'm just like nervous. Get to the airport, pack my bag. I jumped in the car and I drove home. I left my bag at the arena. I was like 25 minutes from the arena. I had to catch a flight to Atlanta

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan28:13

Yeah. Yeah. The

Old Atlanta game. Yeah. I took a cab back cuz I had to take a cab to airport. Took a cab there and then I just made the flight. I was like

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan28:24

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan28:26

Connect. No, I connected in New York.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan28:28

And then boom.

But I got there and you know Rod Langweight was there. Rod's from Randolph, right? So I didn't really know him. I talked to him a little. I training camp, but he was there when I got to the hotel and stuff.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan28:49

Yeah. Yeah. I got in at like oh [ __ ] it was like 8:00 at night so it was like

Yeah not everybody's up and about but Rod was there waiting in the lobby for me so it kind of helped me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan29:02

Yeah he was hanging in the lobby till I got there. Okay and it was cool

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan29:11

I had somebody from the team there too you know the road secretary. And then um you know I went to bed I get up in the morning.

Do you have a roommate? No, I was on my own uh to begin and I ended up uh going to skate in the morning and I'm [ __ ] all down like Lafleur Serge Savard Guy Lapointe.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan29:33

I had all the other equipment was the same color anyway.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan29:49

Yeah, that was all the same colors except for the jersey. It was a Voyagers jersey going to a Canadian's jersey.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan30:21

And they gave me number 30. 30 is a goalie.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan30:25

Three weeks before my centerman who played at Beu, Rick Maha."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan30:30

Who got called up, the Canadiens got number 30. He got sent back in two weeks.

You know, he was back with us.

So I get called up, I get number 30.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan30:42

No, he just was hard for him to break the lineup." became a great great NHL. He was a great player. The Canadiens were so stacked all the time.

You know, four cups in a row. What are your chances?

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan30:55

No.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan30:57

No, he never really came back with the Canadiens. He ended up getting traded.

He went on had he was in St. Louis, went on had a great career. Okay.

It was awesome. But Canadiens winning four cups in a row.

There's not a lot of turnover when you you know, so

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan31:15

We stayed together for a long time. There's no free agency, none of that stuff. So, it was

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan31:32

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan31:34

Yeah. You had a team that stuck stayed together for a long time.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan31:40

You had one change the next year, like a rookie come in maybe.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan31:44

That was it. So there wasn't a whole lot of turnover back then. But the Habs at the end of their four cups there, some guys were getting old. They were starting to move on. Dryden retired. Lemaire went to Switzerland and played over there. So

They were kind of starting to break up and they were getting older. And I came in at really a good time. it was just starting to change over. They were getting old. They needed to bring in new blood and um I was um yeah, I got the opportunity certainly [clears throat] because of that.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan32:21

I played two shifts in uh a period and really I kind of froze up. I I was actually really bummed out afterwards because I felt like I I was so nervous like I'm like [ __ ] I'm here. I kind of felt like I blew my chance.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan32:38

But I only played two shifts a period, but everything was coming at me so fast. I'm like, geez. And the guys were so much bigger. And I'm like, holy [ __ ] Atlanta had a big team. After game, okay, and next [clears throat] game was in Philly. I'll never forget Cloell, my coach, who I loved. He was the only coach for that year, but he was an assistant for us. And he, this guy loved me. He was like the judge.

Yeah. Pon, we call him Pon. He's short, stocky, and he lost an eye playing hockey in junior. He was a really good player.

Fundamentals, unbelievable. And he used to work with me all the time on the ice, but it's I only known him for a couple days.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan33:18

We're in Philly and they start running around playing tough, right? Yeah. And they had aing huge team. Ben Wilson, Bob Daly, Bob Kelly, all these homegr all these tough guys. And we're on the bench. They start running around. I hear from behind me, "Yanke boy, don't be afraid of these men. There are men just like us." And I'm like, "Oh, yeah." I look at him, he's like 5'2,

You know, missing one eye.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan33:47

Robust rotund.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan33:49

Fella. And I look out in the eyes, I see Bob Daly. He's like 66. Ben Wilson 65. Just like us.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan33:57

In other words, don't be scared, my man.

Yeah. go get him. He never told me to fight.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan34:03

But he just So I went out and uh I was on the face off and kind of leaning in on Bob Keller and he [ __ ] slashed me. He slashed him back a little and then he separated us. Then the puck dropped and away we went and then I [ __ ] give it to him. Went the box. I get out and I assisted on the winning goal by PMU.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan34:21

And after that game I was like I can do this.

Yeah. And not that I never thought I could, but that jump when I say there's a jump from high school hockey prep school, Northeast and big jump there.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan34:36

And then American Hockey League, big jump. And then the NHL, forget about it. So it's like you got to make the adjustments to it and you got to you got to bring it up. And it's, you know, you got to create that opportunity, too. You can't you you know how you you hear people say that I got my chance. I blew it.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan34:59

That that can happen with people. You know, it happens. It's happened so many times. But

I feel like I I I made them look at me longer because of the other stuff. Honestly, for me, my most proud accomplishment on a personal basis, other than win the Stanley Cup with a group of guys that were just awesome, 40 years ago, it was Yeah.

I became a full-time NHL player.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan35:24

I I played the I didn't sit on the bench and go out and fight. And no disrespect to those guys who did that job cuz it's tough.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan35:31

To sit on the bench and have to go out there and stick up for your teammates when things get rough.

Yeah. I played I played with two Hall of Famers, Guy Carbonneau and Bob Gainey.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan35:42

And they helped me immensely in my career, my early career becoming a better player.

And then um [ __ ] I had 21 goals. I had 19 goals. I could play the game.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan35:54

And I mean this when I say, and it's not disrespectful to the guys that did it,

But I could have I have all the respect for them cuz I couldn't have done that.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan37:40

No, I signed the NHL contract that year.

I had uh I signed for two years in an option year.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan37:47

Yeah. I had a two-way contract. So, you got a minor league salary and NHL salary. Yeah. So, the $200 a game, I only made $200 one game cuz that's all it took.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan37:59

And then I signed the contract and I signed for uh 17,500 in the minor leagues. So, I was going to get paid and then 65 if I went up to the NHL.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan38:14

Yeah. I mean, when you look back at it, it's laughable money.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan38:22

Yeah. It was cool. It was.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan38:30

No, not quite. Like I still, you know, I established myself. But even then, the the next year I came back. Um, you know, there were games I didn't play as much. Montreal was always young guys had to, you know, take their time. You didn't just get to play all the time. You had to build up. You had to watch. You made mistakes. Sometimes you get sat down and yeah, it took me a bit, but at my into my third year, I felt a whole lot more confident and comfortable in that.

Listen, I'm here now. I and I I just had a work ethic that man, I just wouldn't stop. Like, I skated so much. I worked after practice with coaches all the time on the fundamental, shooting, passing, skating, doing all those different things. I had a coach that came in in ' 84 that was made a huge difference in my career in Jacques Lemaire one of the guys I gave a ride to and he never forgot it's unbelievable ever since he met me in that car he had this respect for me and when I played for him um and he coached me he would take me and do drills with me that they weren't just you know skating drills are skating drills boards and back he always had a

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan39:47

He would put me in the circle center ice and he'd stand on the edge and I'd have to react to where the puck he put it.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan39:54

And if he put it on my forehand, I'd have to give it back to him on my backhand. So I'd have to take it from here and go if he gave it on my backand. So he put the puck different place. I had to react to it. So he was working on my feet.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan40:06

Cuz I was kind of, you know, a heavy skater.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan40:09

And he was trying to get me quicker quicker. Everything quicker. And they would take me down the net and he'd put like 50 pucks and he'd say forehand, backhand, up top, forehand, cuz this is where you're going to score your goals from. You're going to be in front of the net and there's going to be rebounds and the goalie is going to be down so you're going to have to get it up quick.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan40:28

So, we worked on these things with me and he said, "You know why I do all this?" He said, "How long do you think you have the puck on your stick in a game?" And I'm like, "Oh, maybe a minute." He said, "A minute, Wayne Gretzky, maybe a minute. two minutes. You think about it. I mean, well, yeah, maybe 15 seconds if you're lucky. It's so true.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan40:51

Like, so a lot of the game is away from the puck for a guy like me,

But also when you have it. He said,

"You got to be able to do something good with it, not just throw it away."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan41:03

So, he was working me and then he said to me, "You fight too much." And I'm like, I almost didn't trust him.

Yeah. He goes, "Chris, guys are scared of you. You get room that other guys don't get."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan41:18

Yeah. Which I never looked at it like that. And he said, "You get room, play hockey. You can play hockey." And I had my course I had my best seasons with him. He he he was unbelievable. I love him. I have co Cloell and Jacques Lemaire. And listen, I play for Mike Milbury.

Yeah. And I loved playing for Mike Milbury. I did.

Roger Neilson in New York, Michelle Ber, love those guys. But Lemaire and Ruel, my favorite coaches, they they did so much for me. They wanted me to be more than just a fighter and they helped me do that. The whole the organization wanted to be more than fighter. You know what I was thinking when you were talking about the jump from um from the different levels, high school, college, uh minors, NHL, think about a kid like Gretzky and Conor McDavid that come out of juniors at like 17, 18 years old and they're they don't just come to the NHL and play.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan42:20

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan42:21

Well, you know, you look at they dominate prop all through minor hockey growing up. Those guys dominate it. There's a lot of other guys that dominate through minor hockey and then everybody else catches up.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan42:45

And they may never play in the NHL, but those elite superstar players when you look back at it, you know, they just continue. Do we There's a guy in Montreal now Slavkovski Yuri Slavkovski Slovak. They drafted him fifth overall like 5 years ago. I mean first overall 5 years ago. Everybody's complaining. He's like a power for the guy's unbelievable. He he left uh Slovakia [clears throat] at the age of 16. Lived in Finland in his own apartment, cooked his own meals and played in there professionally.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan43:22

talk about, you know, learning and maturing. You know, they asked him about, "Oh, what if how did you cook for yourself?" If he said, "If I didn't know something, I called my mother and she told me what to do." And here's a kid. He was perfect for the environment that is Montreal for hockey and culture. He's perfect for her. But,

You know, a lot of kids, you know, everybody [clears throat] thinks they're going to make it. Everybody wants to make and that's great to have that dream but it's so difficult.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan43:58

My current wife?

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan44:01

My first wife? Uh I met Karen at a hockey game at um Northeastern at the Boston Arena.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan44:09

I just finished practice. Boston State College was playing a game and I had two friends, the Harrington twins, Ronald and Donald, two little fighting Irish guys playing for Boston State.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan44:24

She was there on a date with the goalender for Boston State.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan44:30

And we met um we have him be sitting there and we got talking and that's how we met.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan44:44

Well, I went away on my own. I lived uh you know when you got the you know

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan44:51

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We got married uh 81 and then we moved to Montreal and had our first child in 83.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan45:04

When I was in co college. My last show.

Who was her stepdad? Her stepdad was uh James Whitey Buler.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan45:18

Like, you know,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan45:21

We went on a date. Um Karen and I were going on a date and we had to come over and meet the families.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan45:28

I didn't have a car. No lie. It was beat up my [clears throat] car. And Karen had picked me out. we're going on a date and I had to go to the house and and see her parents and meet them. So, [clears throat] it was his stepdad and I go in and meet the mother and he's I knew of him.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan45:49

And I knew he's a dangerous guy and stuff and the reputation everything. But I come in.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan45:53

you knew being from Somerville, you know, who went to Hill and

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan46:08

You know, Hunchie and all that crowd from Charles Town back to Mclofflin's

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan46:13

When you think of Boston and what went on there, it's crazy. Back in those the 60s and 70s, the gang land wars. People were dropping

Like flies, you know. You think of was it the the 70s, early 80s, the Black Fridays pub, right? That that's never been solved.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan46:45

Like the museum heist, never been solved.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan46:50

Yeah, the Gardener Museum. That whole whole thing. And I I come in that night, met Teresa, uh my mother-in-law, and then uh Jim was there and I went on, got in the car, and the door swung open. He first he said, "Hey, have a good night, brother." Then the door swung open. He said, "Chris, come here." So I jumped on the guy coming out. He said, "Have a seat." And he had a gun. I'm sitting next to him on the couch. He goes, "Listen, here's the deal.

I know you and Karen got something going here. I'm going to tell you right now. just treat her like a lady. Um, [snorts] don't ever lay a hand on her and if she ever wants to leave you for whatever reason, just let her go. Don't chase her down or else you're going to have to deal with me. And I, okay, I get that, you know, but uh, I said, Jim, you didn't have to pull out a gun to tell me that. He could have just told me.

He said, well, that's the way I do business.

And I think I got some credibility with him cuz I like I didn't [ __ ] myself. than being like,

"You got a gun." I mean, was like I always What was he going to shoot me on the first date? Shoot out in the car going to blast me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan47:58

Hello. But he he was good to me. I know what he did what he did. I wasn't involved in that. And you know, that was his life and what he did. And

You know, um I always had a decent relationship with him.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan48:28

Yeah. Yeah. Trying to improve every day, get better every day.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan48:45

That's okay. They hated me. my hometown. And

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan49:12

Jimmy was that way. He said, "I remember being up in the Charlestown crowd." I mean, the kid from Boston, you know, so cool.

So, there was that that, but not with the majority of people throwing beer and pizza and [ __ ] at you. And I got it, but

You know, it actually fueled me a lot to piss everybody off, too, like

And you know, I was the villain, but

[ __ ] they had like five guys on the other team. Guys who could handle themselves and fight. Yeah.

Started with O'Reilly, Wync, Jonathan.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan49:45

Cord.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan49:47

Cashman.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan49:49

And then Curran Gorg Kuzzac. All these, you know, Hello.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan49:55

Like Jay Miller.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan50:00

Like I'm the bad guy.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan50:02

And Okay. If you want me to be a bad guy, I will be a bad guy. And you know I honestly uh yeah it was crazy like my parents going in there the [ __ ] they put up with but I always had my friends around them so there wasn't

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan50:19

I played hockey against Jack uh a bit growing up and then we played in college against each other. Yeah. And Jack's an awesome guy. He's actually

Very good friends with the guy who told me about you trying to get in touch with me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan51:15

Stand Jonathan.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan51:19

This was my turning point. Not that this game was. Then I ended up fighting O'Reilly, my second fight, and I knew he was a lefty and I said, I'm going to trade with him. And I did good against Jonathan. And then I go with Terry and I threw one punch and as I threw that punch I hit him in the jaw and his he didn't move and he came and hit me with two lefts on the button and my the blood just started pouring out of my nose.

I stayed on my feet which I always tried to make sure I didn't go down. If I did, I got up right away.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan51:56

And the linesman got in and broke it up. And I remember going to the penalty box. I was my I'm shattered. My pride, the guy I loved growing up. And [clears throat] now I'm I get in the box. I got the towel and I'm bleeding and I wipe my face like that and I look over and there he is on the in his box and he goes pointing at his left and I'm going like, "You should have known."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan52:25

And here I am going to try and trade with him. So, I remember sitting there that night saying to myself, "Listen, I'm fighting these guys so much bigger than me who are seasoned fighters. They've been doing it forever." I said, "I got to start to be a better technical fighter."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan52:40

So, from that point on, I said, "Listen, I don't have to trade with every guy and just stand there and punch like crazy." And that looks great. The fans love it.

But if I fight that way every night now, the amount of times I fight, sooner or later I'm going to break my jaw.

Yep. my eye socket, whatever. And that I don't care who you are, that will shake your confidence,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan53:04

And I said, I got to become a better technical fighter. So, when I started fighting guy these guys bigger than me, I always took away their strongest hand first.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan53:14

And if you're a righty, I'm grabbing you in here tight.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan53:18

And I'm going to make it very difficult to hit me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan54:13

I was a real good second half fighter. Yeah.

I had good max VO, too. I was always high up there on my team.

Yeah. even though I smoke cigarettes. And uh it's

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan54:25

He said, "How could you smoke between periods?" I said, "Fuck, if you had to fight the guys I did, you'd smoke a [ __ ] pack."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan54:32

Yeah, back then. Yeah. Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan54:36

I had to sign a waiver when I came in that I wear a helmet. My first year pro, you had to wear one.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan54:44

New player. That's how they phase it out, right? So 7980 they said if you want to play in this league you got to sign this waiver and commit to wearing a helmet.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan54:58

Langway was a hold out

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan55:06

Yeah it's nuts.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan55:09

Macho [ __ ] crazy hockey stuff comes from. That's why you hear all these guys and you know that are hurt. they play through these injuries. It's like guys want to win so bad. Here's the bottom line. If you don't play hurt, you're a [ __ ] And there's certain things you can play with and get through. I get it. But then there's

Really severe injuries you can't. And I got that near the end of my career. And I understood it cuz my first seven years I was injuryfree

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan55:39

And then it all came crashing down.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan55:52

Just over two years.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan55:54

It was tough. I I had so many injuries in New York and I don't know if it what it had to do with my body just breaking down, but freak [ __ ] happened. I hurt my third game there. I tore leg into my knee.

I broke my arm twice. My elma bone.

Yeah. snapped it in half in Montreal.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan56:16

Uh my first game back there, I went into the post head first. I pulled my arm up, snapped that, and then I broke it again that year in the playoffs.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan56:26

I had the hockey hernia. I had a tear on my inguinal canal.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan56:31

That Well, I could walk fine, but once I

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan56:34

Extended, it's like someone was sticking a butcher knife into me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan56:39

And I had to have surgery on that. I was just in so many injuries. I felt bad because I wasn't living up to my end of the deal and you when you hurt all the time and you're not playing um I might have played I think I might have played like 85 of the possible 200 something games.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan57:01

Two and a half years, whatever.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan57:06

I always say it was like getting a [ __ ] root canal. But uh it was awesome. The first night I got called, I remember sitting in the room and I was all nervous. Ray Bour's going to me, Knox, calm down. You're going to be fine. Said, "They're going to people are going to be great." I said, you know, I'm thinking like, come on. These people hated me. The Canadian I'm coming home. It was awesome. They introduced me and the people,

Yeah, the place went nuts. Like,

It was so cool cuz now I'm back home. Everybody hated me and now they're embracing me. It's like, it's okay, you're home. And then, you know, I problem with that is I got there too late.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan57:44

I was, you know, I was close to the end and uh I was an all-star my first year there, which was only because Mike Milbury was the coach.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan57:54

I'm really not.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan57:56

Yeah, that year.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan57:59

It didn't come to fruition cuz here's what happened. So, I'm playing, things are going good, and Mike comes up to me uh and says, "Chris, I'm coaching the All-Star team this year. We're in practice." Yeah. Beginning of practice.

You're going to be on the Allstar team this year. And then, Mike, stop.

He said, "No, I'm not kidding. I get to choose two players."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan58:22

Everybody else is voting. I can choose a couple guys on my own. I'm choosing you and Brian Stridland, your former teammate. March at all. Brian was a tireless like awesome guy, awesome teammate. He said, "What you guys did to get to the NHL, you deserve to be recognized." So I'm like, "I don't want to be a [ __ ] Allstar. I'm not a [ __ ] Allstar.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan58:45

I don't care. I'm naming."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan58:47

So he named me a [ __ ] Allstar. Yeah. We're going through a difficult time. We weren't winning hockey games. And we have a practice. We come in and he's giving us [ __ ] We had to come in. He said, "You guys don't want to work at night. You're gonna I'll show you what it's like to work a 9 to5 job. Be in the rink tomorrow. Be here at 9:00 at the garden." We come in. He starts going through the video. Boom. Boom. Boom. We're on the video for [ __ ] hours.

It's like 11:30. He goes, "All right, you guys go to lunch. Be back here at 1:00. The Celtics are playing that night. They put the pod down. So, we're going to go across the street to the floors.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan59:30

So, I come walking out the locker room and I hear the ball bouncing out there and I never been on the park in my life only above it.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan59:38

So, I said, "Let me get out of here." So, there's a bunch of us out there were playing basketball and

I jump up to block a shot and I come down and step on an ankle and I roll my ankle.

I broke my Taylor's bone in half. That's You saw the screws.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan59:55

Doing that. Oh, you stupid bastard.

So, listen, tell me about it. So, they did an X-ray and it was so much blood and stuff in there and they couldn't see the brakes. So, here I am. They start rehabing me. Cold boot, pressure boot.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:00:11

I'm like in tears on the table and guys are going, "Ah, you [ __ ] Look at you." Yeah. And then I'm doing the open chain technique. I'm walking around the Boston Garden. You know, we got to work this thing out. It's just torn ligaments,

Right?

I'm like when in pain like so I'm going three weeks of this. I'm trying I skate three times. They're trying to see if I can get back on the ice there before I go to the All-Star game.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:00:40

Chicago. Finally, they get off their wallet and they send me for an MRI.

Yeah.

They broken Taylor. Next day I'm in surgery. My ankle screwed together. So,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:01:04

So, I got my wish not to go the wrong way. The next year I had some issues. The new coach came in. Milbury was gone. Rick Bonus came in. We had some issues. I had a couple fights. I always tell this story near the end. Um, I was getting beaten physically now. You know, I still had the willingness.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:01:28

But it was getting now it was getting tough. When I was young, I didn't give a [ __ ] Like,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:01:33

I'll go anybody. Let's go. And I would still do that, but I now it was getting extremely difficult. People were doing to me what I was doing to other guys older in the league because I want to make a reputation. You You're gonna fight a guy who's been around who has that rep. O'Reilly, all these guys.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:01:51

Yeah. So, now the young guys are getting bigger and Steu Grimson comes in, the Grim Reaper.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:01:59

And he comes in, I fight him. Chicago, I took some punches, I remember. And you know, he he certainly got the edge on me. And I always of the listen, you can't lose a lot of fights. And if you lose, at least you can't look like you lost too bad. So I was always wanted to stay on my feet even if I'm taking punches or whatever. So I fight him. The next night Hartford Whalers come in. Jim McKenzie.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:02:28

He grew up in Saskatchewan where they only had two stations, English and French. He became a

Big Montreal fan. His dad was before. [snorts]

So he used to watch me growing up. Yeah. And he said, "I freaking loved you growing up."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:02:40

I didn't know any of this until the podcast.

Yeah. So that game where I had fought Remson, they come in the next night. I'm in the Boston Garden and I'm in the hallway doing them, getting my sticks ready. We right outside the locker room.

He comes walking in with four of his teammates. I know this kid. I know he's tough.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:03:00

He's a fighter, 6'5, [ __ ] huge muscles, right? And I look up and he's staring at me. I go, "Hey, what the [ __ ] are you looking at? put on your Lin. And he said, I just turned. And then the four guys, his teammates he was with, he said, oh, [ __ ] Jimmy. Oh, Nin [ __ ] give it to you. We You're going to have to [ __ ] go him now. Blah blah blah. So

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:03:27

Are they wearing the Cooper? Said the only reason, no, he said the only reason I was looking at you is [ __ ] I always looked up to you and then you said that this I'm thinking I got to go fight him now. And [ __ ] we went and he [ __ ] hit me with some punches and I'm like, man, and I got to the penalty box and I'm thinking, "Fuck, this is getting so much tougher." And once you start questioning yourself

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:03:53

You're [ __ ] all but done.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:03:54

And I was because I I'm like, "Fuck, this is getting tougher. Do I still have it?" You can't reconcile with yourself and say, "I still You got to be honest with yourself."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:04:05

And And I was getting honest with myself. if you fight it, you know, I fought it. No, I'm okay. I can do this. I'm okay. I was fighting it and fighting it. And um yeah, it was just that's the tragedy of an athlete eventually. And you might not find out this year, next year, the year after, but you'll find out one day. Your body's going to betray you.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:04:40

Well,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:04:48

The culture of alcohol and drinking was big in the NHL.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:04:52

For years from the train rides they used to take.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:04:56

70s, the 80s.

Alcohol,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:05:14

Yeah, that was

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:05:16

It was common. Yeah. Like drinking was common. Um it was a really for me it was a release. It was a way to relax after doing my job. Some of the things, you know, it was a bonding thing with a lot of us. Uh we had to go we had to go to lunch every day after practice when we were home. You didn't have to drink, but you had to show up to lunch,

Stay half hour,

And then boom, you could go. But some of the guys would stay a little longer. Some guys would go out afterwards.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:05:50

No. Uh, not openly.

Drugs started coming in that 80s, the cocaine, everything. There was so many warnings about it. One guy got caught in New York, Don Murdoch. He got suspended for a long time. The dangerous thing. Um, we had a guy Rick Natric got caught smoking a joint junior. They suspended him.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:06:10

For [ __ ] half the se season. He couldn't play hockey for smoking half a joint. He got arrested. Hello. But that was the times. Coke was around then big time. So, in Boston, right? Yeah. Everywhere.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:06:26

And I had tried it in u the off season. I didn't like it.

Oh, good. I was I guess made me [ __ ] it's a couple things I didn't like as far as drugs was marijuana and that because I I didn't need anything to [ __ ] get me going

If any but marijuana I didn't like because I was paranoid

Remember the kid in high school I couldn't be myself. I couldn't

I felt like I

Felt like I had a penis growing out of my forehead and everybody was looking at me.

What's wrong with that guy?

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:06:58

Hello. So, I I just hated weed.

Yeah. And and then the coke because I I was jittery. I was

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:07:06

I remember I had a big appetite for opiates. Um and first time I ever took opiates, I broke my leg when I was 5 years old skiing. My father took me skiing. I broke my leg. Uh my tibia, I had to stay overnight in the hospital cuz they couldn't set it till the doctor got there in the morning. Orthopedic guy. They gave me a shot. But I think it was demoral.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:07:29

As a young kid, you get through the night cuz my leg was broken.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:07:33

And I remember just

First time I ever took opiates and then you know surgeries my high school I had surgery on my knee big took all my cartilage out. I was in the hospital for like seven days with that. They had me on opiates the whole time. Hello.

They were cultivating a a drug addict.

Yeah. And I I'm not blaming it on that, but I certainly had an appetite u for that. And it helped me with my injuries. And I didn't take them during my career. One time when I broke my arm in Montreal, I snapped my allner in half

And they were team was traveling in the morning back to New York

And I went to the hospital and they said, "Listen, we're not going to put a cast on it because the swelling and if you get on a plane, you'll you'll want to jump out the door. So if we put a cast, you're going to have to stay here for 4 days, 5 days." And I'm like, I don't want to [ __ ] do that. I want to get out of here. I love Montreal, but I'm no longer Canadian. I just want to get out of here.

And they said, "All right." So, they wrapped me in an ace wrap.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:08:41

And a sling. And they gave me percoet.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:08:44

So, I bang some Percoet and I went back and the guys were playing cards in the room and drinking. I I stayed up till like 4 in the morning with them drinking.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:08:54

With a broken arm. And the general manager, we fly back to New York and he's going to take me to the hospital.

Yeah. to get my cast on and we're driving. We're in a cab and he's in the back. I [ __ ] I'm like hung over and I puked all over shoes and that's the only time I took them during my hockey career.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:09:24

Um surgery. Uh I had quite a few different surgeries uh in retirement. shoulder, knees, and I would get going on the percoet and then percoet got out of control.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:09:42

Oh, I doctor shop later, but I would get them on the street and

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:09:48

Big back. Yeah. Then,

You know, you could get them on the street and then Oxycottton came around 95ish,

You know, 96.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:10:22

I had doctors.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:10:25

Florida, it it was nuts. And you needed that many to be able I mean there were you know 80 mgram oxycottton right take the coating off and I was taking the coating off and snorting them so you get all 80 at once

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:10:42

Oh really?

Yeah I was snorting 10 of those a day.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:11:22

Yeah. Some days I didn't have 10.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:11:25

But I

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:11:28

I have like four doctors, right? Different doctors that were giving me uh for the month three a day. So that's 90 pills a month. So I'd get 9080s from one doctor, 90 from another, 90 from another.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:11:48

Do. They didn't have a database.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:12:03

I never understood that back in the day. But listen, I was so addicted.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:12:15

I was living in Hangingham.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:12:19

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:12:19

Married.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:12:24

Yeah. I kind of hit it pretty much. And then uh

I did that too. So I get it. I'm just wonder. We had some uh problems there. Then finally I, you know, I said, you know, I was struggling and I had a teammate that gave me a um a card once that said, "Chris, I know things aren't going the best for you." My line mate, Bob Gainey, he gave me a card and it had a guy's name on NHL. And I'm thinking, oh, maybe uh he said, "If you ever need help, maybe this guy could help you." I'm thinking, "Maybe he'll send me a check every month, you know, support my drug habit." So, I remember being messed up really bad and I finally called the guy one day and I he said, "Listen, I'll come and meet in Boston, blah blah blah.

So, I'm going to meet him St. Patrick's Day." I never met this guy before, Dan Cronin, his name is. I go and meet Dan and uh he gets talking to me and little I know Dan's a former drug add actor himself, heroin addict. He said, "So, what's going on your life?" But I started questioning me on stuff and you know I told him I'm married. What are you doing for work? Oh not much right now. I'm doing some things here and there about [ __ ] Well I know you had a lot of injuries and surgeries.

He said what do you do for the pain? I said oh you know I just try and keep my weight down and the odd time when things get bad I might take a couple percoet. He go meanwhile meanwhile I just

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:14:01

Yeah. Meanwhile, I just snorted 380s before I saw him. Yeah.

And I was heading to Charles Town to the Warren Tavern to go drink on St. Patrick's Day.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:14:11

Then he asked me if I go see someone uh therapist around there and I did. And after the second time day with her,

I was on a u sitting [clears throat] on the couch. I was on the floor balling my eyes out and I was on a plane the next day to rehab for the first time.

Which one? I went to a place in uh Oregon. Oh no, sorry, LA. The first one I went in 2000 uh called Steps in Kappa by the Sea.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:14:40

And north of U Malibu, [clears throat] the PCH going up to Adventura.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:14:46

And and that was the first time I stayed sober about half ass sober for 3 years.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:14:52

I thought I could do it on my own and I didn't need anybody. Then I went back out, started drinking again, got on another surgery, back on the pills, and then just bad [ __ ] crazy. Had an relationship outside my marriage. My wife Karen at the time never deserved what she got from me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:15:15

The way I was living my life. Um, I don't have a problem saying that. Um, I take accountability today for what I did. She was She's like an angel to this woman. Yeah.

And she didn't deserve anything she got from my end. And I I'm not making excuses, but I was so full of shame and guilt that it kept me messed up longer because I didn't I didn't like myself. I didn't like the way I was living.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:15:43

And I just stayed in that rut. And I'm like, "Okay, if [snorts] I make it through this, I do. If I don't, I don't." I didn't give a [ __ ]

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:16:08

Yeah. You know, I I never wanted to kill myself. I just didn't give a [ __ ] if I Okay, if I overdose,

Which I did in a couple occasions, so be it. But I wasn't like, "Oh, I I never said I want to take a gun and [ __ ]

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:16:25

You know, I know. I put a rope around my neck." I never never had that ideation.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:16:31

But I just didn't give a [ __ ] anymore.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:16:34

I'm like I cuz I'm I didn't didn't like the way I felt. And it was all because of me. I'm this black cloud. I was the black cloud.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:16:51

You know, they started cracking down on doctors. Then I started paying on the street like

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:16:57

80 bucks a pill. Yeah. Crazy. That's 800 a day which I couldn't afford.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:17:02

But I would buy what I could just to keep from getting sick.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:17:06

And then they eventually changed the pills where you couldn't take the coating off.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:17:11

It got tougher and tougher. I end up snorting that other [ __ ] because I was so sick. I tried to kick it on my own. It was like it's like death.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:17:23

Yeah. It's the worst. People don't understand that. Like just stop. Just say no.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:17:30

Hello.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:17:31

And and listen, people that never lived it don't know that. And they they again, they think it's it's a moral issue.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:18:01

You're on the hamster wheel, baby.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:18:03

Get a bag of H?" No, it happened in uh when I was in I went to treatment the second time in Oregon.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:18:14

After I got out, I ended up relapsing on pills. I got them from a kid

Back east sent them to me out there.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:18:22

And then that dried up. There was a kid there locally who um [clears throat] was selling the [ __ ] I found through someone and

Cuz I was here I am going through those withdrawals. I'm going to go through them. I'm starting to come on. I just I got so desperate. How was what was the difference between if if or if any was there a difference between snow and oxycottton and heroin?

Not really. The difference was the first time I I became an IV drug user and that didn't last for long, but I did it and there was a big difference.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:18:58

It was just like

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:19:04

Yeah, it was like crazy.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:19:11

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:19:30

Yeah, of course.

You know, we drank and drug cuz why? Because we don't like the way we feel.

That's right. You know, it took me almost dying to really finally get it. You know, out of the last 26 years, 18 of those years, well, let's say three of the 18 I was halfass sober.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:19:49

Dry.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:19:50

The next five I got sober. I I was getting bits of pieces. I wasn't all in.

Yeah.

Until uh I overdosed and and almost bit it. And then the last 10 years have been real. What was what happened with the overdose?

You know, life was going good again. I moved back to Montreal. I got a radio show. You know, I had lost everything.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:20:11

Everything. My mom had a stroke and I raced home to Boston. Ended up uh seeing my mom there. I was I just was like a mess. And my dad was there, my niece. And I uh I got the I don't know, it was probably around 5:00 I got the hostel and I stayed there a couple hours and I and I ended up uh calling it drug dealer that I used before and he came and he delivered me a little package and I was just going to I was going to snort it.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:20:45

So he met me at the hospital. I almost went to my car and I'm going it's freaking cold. I'll just go in the there's a bathroom down the hall. I'll use that. Thank God I went. I didn't go to my car because I was parked in a lot somewhere. No one would ever find me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:21:01

I remember I snorted in one small line and then next thing I remember I had the lights shine in my eyes and someone slapping me in the face saying, "Chris, Chris, what did you take?" You know, I had overdosed and ended up being fentanyl in there and I they knocked me. They raced me from they threw me on a gurnie and buzzed me downstairs emergency room and with an arc canned me on the way down and next thing

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:21:32

I don't know. I just know when I came back in I don't know how long it took. I didn't ask.

I'm just I'm like [ __ ]

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:21:43

Yeah. It flew

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:21:49

No.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:21:52

Confused, I think, a little bit. He didn't understand addiction as much. Yeah.

Especially at the beginning. And how could you be taking drugs, you know?

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:22:00

My dad drank every day, you know. He drank his had his whiskey and gingers and

But he was always work and responsible and all that. So, he didn't get the drug thing.

Yeah. He ended up seeing me a sober man before he died, which was cool. One thing I heard was, "And I wasn't doing the work. Anything anytime I worked and I dove in, you can get results. Not always, but

You're going to get results as long as you put in the work." Yeah. And if you don't, at least you know you tried your best.

Yeah. The life I wanted was uh just on the other side of the work that I was avoiding.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:22:47

Yeah. The other side of hard. And for me that work I was avoiding was working on myself. the anger issues, the drug stuff, the going to meetings, the the recovery stuff that you learn when you're in a treatment center, and then you apply it when you're on the outside,

Having a sponsor, doing those things you need to do to stay sober on a daily basis, and it helps me. And today I do that like I I thought I could do it on my own. I don't need anybody. I can handle myself, you know, all that

And that's great. And I I can in a lot of cases, but with the sobriety thing, community, you know, we're built for community, us human beings. And you know, I love being around people. I love people.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:23:33

I'm a people.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:24:49

Yeah, it's so true that like you're somewhere and you you're someone from Boston is, you know, what so provincial. So, honestly, I love growing up there. I love

I love the city. I just think it's

It's one of the best cities in this country. Yeah. quite frankly when you look cleanliness of it for you know for what's now a liberal city.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:25:22

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:25:24

Yeah. Most of the transplants.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:25:27

You know the reentrification of some of the neighborhoods things change right big time. It's it's unfortunate. But for me, that all started with the busing back in the day. But

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:25:38

You know, and two, the Yankees suck.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:25:59

And they can hate us all they [ __ ] want. It's like when when uh the Patriots and Tom Brady and Bellich they [ __ ] hate it.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:26:12

First Patriots game I ever went to Fenway Park. They played the Kansas City Chiefs, Houston Anwine, Babe Pirelli, Art Graham. Like I

I sat in the bleaches with my brother.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:26:28

My brother Steve. I was I think I might have been like seven eight years old.

It's unbelievable to play that Fenway Park.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:26:36

Boston Patriots.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:27:00

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:27:04

Kid anywhere. You weren't worried, you know, about your kid getting kidnapped or nothing.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:27:25

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:27:26

Yeah. when I went to the priest who married me, Father Ryan. Uh,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:27:32

Since, uh, Catholic memorial.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:27:37

Yeah. He was a chaplain there and uh, he ended up being a guy that was um, abusing kids and he would um, look for certain kids that he could groom, kids that came from broken homes or diff difficult family situations. and uh he ended up abusing kids and it that whole scandal started to come out and he ended up being one name that come up. I ended up uh speaking to one of his victims that grew up on my street in West Roxbury. Uh and he told me what happened and I'm like

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:28:19

I was retired from hockey. I wasn't sure like and this can't be him. he couldn't have done this. And then I'm thinking the guy who told me he's trying to make money off

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:28:31

You know, blah blah blah. He put me in touch with another kid and another I'm like and I confronted Ryan.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:28:40

Well, I went to his church. He got transferred. He was in the went from CM. He was in the chancery. He was with Cardinal Law. He was like

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:28:50

Yeah. He got transferred out of there to a place down in Kingston.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:28:58

And I drove to Kingston when I started hearing this

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:29:02

Yep. I said, "Father Ryan, I'm hearing these rumors." I said, "Oh, Chris, you know, these kids are trying to make money off the church. They want to sue. They'll say anything. I'm there." Well, I said, "I don't know. I don't know." So, I left. And I'm like, "Fuck." He had to be lying. He always told me about being honest, tell the truth. And

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:29:23

I I couldn't I I since I have and like he knew my family. He's out of my house for dinner. I he come to Canadiens games, you know, I have my jersey, everything. Um

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:29:43

Nothing at all. Believe me, if he did, I

If he ever did anything like that to me, I would have gouged his [ __ ] eyes out. I I didn't care as a kid when it came to that stuff.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:29:54

I didn't give a [ __ ] who you were, what you were. If I felt threatened, I'm going to do something even if it it's going to cost me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:30:03

In some way. And plus, my Come on. My dad was a military guy. He knew my dad. He [ __ ] My father was like on top of [ __ ]

Yeah. So there's no way he's going to

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:30:14

You you there's certain kids that groom. Yeah. They know they know the family structure. They know all that. Anyway, then I talked to a couple more kids through this kid.

And I ended up confronting him. I went over with a friend of mine to his house. He lived in Chelsea. Another kid who kid he married. He christened his three kids just like me. And we go to confront them. And Mike's a sweetheart, my buddy Mike. and he played basketball at CM and we go over and see him and [ __ ] I knock on the door. He comes to the door, he goes, "Oh, Christopher Mike, how are you?" Like everything's [ __ ] great. Like just totally

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:30:54

Ignoring what's going on on the outside.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:30:58

Yeah. But not the way I'm going to today.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:31:01

And I went I said, "Listen, Father, I enough of the [ __ ] bullshit." I started talking to him like not like a priest. Now I'm like, "Fuck you." Yeah,

You're you're a [ __ ] criminal deviant. [ __ ] sexual deviant.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:31:14

I said, "Oh, you [ __ ] preached to me my whole life. Be honest. Be go to confession. Go to [ __ ] church and you're [ __ ] around with kids." I said, "I want the [ __ ] truth today. This is it. I [ __ ] had it with you lying to me. You tell me to be [ __ ] honest. I want the [ __ ] truth." And boom. I said, "What happened with this guy?" I said the kid's name. He told me what happened to her and then he started telling us and Mike almost fell off the [ __ ] chair.

He was like he couldn't believe this is Ryan saying what he's confessing everything to

I want your confession now.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:31:52

I'm the [ __ ] priest [ __ ] and oh god I was angry. He said um I mean why the [ __ ] are you doing this? He said I always wanted to be like an athlete. I always wanted to be and it and I was just had this weird thing [ __ ] it was sickening listening to some of the [ __ ] he said you know and then you know he get the frock from the church he never did any time in jail

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:32:16

Yeah, he did. And I said, "Listen, you know what I want you to do?" Father Ryan at the time, he was at early on, he was at Most Precious Blood in High Park.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:32:30

And my agent at the time, Dan Ray, he he was a lawyer, but he worked for Eyewitness News. He was a beat reporter. He used to go out and do all the

Politicians, whatever was going on in the city. And I said to him, "Here's what I want you to do. I want you to go on TV. I want you to let these [ __ ] kids off the hook. All these parishioners of yours are saying, "Oh, these kids are all lying about Father Ryan."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:32:56

He's such a good man. They all want to try and make money off the church.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:33:04

Uh, yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:33:07

Through their lawyers,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:33:10

Gabbedium. Mitchell Garbedium was a lawyer was handing all that stuff. I said, "I want you to go on TV and let these kids off the [ __ ] hook and and you talk about confession. Make your confession and put it public. All these speculation, it's done. Then these kids, you can let them off the hook. They [ __ ] been suffering for so long." So he said, "The only way I'll do it is with Dan Ray." He said, "Will you be there with me, you and Mike?" And I said, "Fucking right.

I'll stand there right next to you and you can let it all out." He said, "Okay, I'll do it with Dan." I get on the phone with Dan Ray. He's in the [ __ ] Bahamas on vacation. He just got there two days ago.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:33:52

Won an Emmy. It would have [ __ ] I think they would have gave him a [ __ ] Oscar for that one.

But um yeah, he ended up um Dan couldn't get back in time. He's coming home. It was like I think that was a sad day. Dan was coming back on Monday, Tuesday or something. And Dan said, "Listen, I'll get a camera over there." blah blah blah. Ryan said to me, "There's no way I'll do it with anybody but Dan." And Dan has to be here cuz Dan went to Most Precious Blood.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:34:21

Ryan was there. He knew him. So he trusted him. I come back Monday to talk to him. Ryan, I said, "Listen, we'll set it up for tomorrow." He had lawyered up and that was it.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:34:34

He got defrocked from the church. Um, I don't think the ch any like he never had to face any criminal charges.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:34:44

Yeah, they settled. They settled with the the kids. I don't know what kind of money they got or what. I didn't even give a [ __ ] about any of that, but um yeah, it was sad. A [ __ ] real sad time. And those poor kids, what they went through. can't imagine uh having that innocence that a young boy who wants to one day be a man and then all the questions you have because something like that happened to you.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:35:10

Terrible. It's the it's the you know the betrayal the evilness of that like sick.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:35:20

I moved back in 2011. I had a job offer there. you know, when he gets sober and to living the way I was, like there's not many people there willing to say, "Hey, we'll give you a hand up." You know, I get that. I understand. I trust a [ __ ] drug addict.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:35:36

You know, hello. So, I had an opportunity. I had a guy Mitch Melnik who has been on the radio there for years since I was a player. I did a couple things on him when I got sober on his show sports radio and he always said you'd be good at this blah blah. So he said listen you think about moving back here there could be a spot for you. So anyway I went and met with him and his boss and after after I [clears throat] left the boss uh said to Mitch he's not moving back here.

Who the [ __ ] would move back here from the states right? Two months later I moved back. He was like, "Oh." So, I lived there for about a year before I got the job. And I moved back. My uh dentist Zayn Turner, very, very close friend of mine. I lived in his condo. When I first moved back, I started chipping away, doing a couple promotional things, getting involved in the community again. Um, and I was able to put some money together to rent a house.

I rented a small little old war home, two-bedroom

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:36:46

Little bungalow and I chipped away and Jamie and I built a life together there.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:36:54

I met Jamie in rehab the last time I went.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:36:57

Yeah. In Oregon.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:36:59

Was 09.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:37:02

She's from Hawaii, the Big Island.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:37:04

From Kona.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:37:11

No. Uh, we lived out there and then we both relapsed together.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:37:15

And I had to go back east to do something, make some money to support my drug habit once again.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:37:22

And I had left her there and I said, "I'll be home 4 days." And I flew to uh Toronto and when I got there, I called her. I couldn't reach her for a day and a half. I thought she was dead. She overdosed. Anyway, next day and a half later, she called me and said, "Listen, I left. I went back to Hawaii. I got to take care of myself and get my life in order and stay sober, clean and sober. And um I suggest [clears throat] you do the same.

And I didn't even go back to Oregon. Left all my [ __ ] there. I didn't even give a [ __ ] And I checked into a hotel down in Hall, Mass. continued to burn through what money I had to support my drug habit. And [snorts] then probably about that was 4 months later. Then I was talking to Jamie here and there and she said, "Chris, you got to get well. You're going to die, but I'm worried about you." About [clears throat] 4 months later, I overdosed in the hotel room.

I remember, [snorts] you know, getting up, crawling into the bed at like, I don't know, 6:00 in the morning, and then passing out. And I was praying. Jeez, I was so beaten down. Like I was in tears. Oh my life. My life. I needed a way out and I just prayed to God and that God help me. You know, foxhole prayers.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:38:43

But sure enough, about 3:00 that afternoon, my phone rang and it was Jamie. She said, "I love you and I care about you and I don't want you to die. I have you uh I got you a plane ticket to come here to Hawaii to meet with this doctor. Uh he works in addiction. and he used to be a Vietnam, he was a Vietnam vet. He was a drug addict, heroin addict, and he now works in addiction. Dr. Kevin Cun, she said, "Do me a favor.

Come here. I want you to get your life cleaned up and get to get your life together again and then maybe we have a chance." But she said, "Don't show up here [ __ ] up." And I was like, "How am I going to do that?" So I did. I got on the [ __ ] plane and by the time I got there I was sick as a dog and

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:39:38

Dang, but she took me right to see him and he gave me suboxin right.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:39:43

And I stayed on that for a while.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:39:51

What's the less for two evils though?

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:40:02

But it helped me.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:40:09

Oh, yeah. It was as a crutch.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:40:11

In early sobriety, early getting clean, you know. Okay. But then, man, yeah, you can't get stuck on it. I was on it on and off for a couple years.

Something, right? It was the methadone. It's what they always keep you [ __ ] up.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:40:33

No.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:40:39

Oh, that's

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:41:28

I got myself right here. No one else.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:42:14

Yeah.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:42:16

Just secrets,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:42:19

Yeah. You know, listen, I get people going to have their opinions or this and that. I don't give a [ __ ]

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:42:26

Say what you want. Like I love the saying, what you think of me is none of my business.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:42:32

And that's okay. You can think I'm a piece of [ __ ] I'm an [ __ ] I was a scumbag. Whatever you want. I don't care. I don't worry about that [ __ ] today. I don't give a [ __ ] People judge. They're going to judge. Oh well. I can just try and live my best life today. And I am. And I always told Jamie, she said, "What do you want?" I said, "I just want some peace."

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:42:56

Peace. Well, if I'm at peace, I I'm I am happy. I I I'm a happy guy today. Uh I have peace in my life today. And listen, people say, "What about all that?" I like to think I've tucked that part of my life, that aggressiveness, that ability to [ __ ] snap in a second, that protective part of me, protecting my family.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:43:23

It's still there, but it's tucked away in a little my little briefcase, whatever. And if I ever need it in dire circumstances, it'll be there. It'll come back.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:43:34

That'll never leave me, it's it's in um it's hibernating right now.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:44:35

Yeah, that was my go-to when I was younger, right? And and it served me well in my career and all that. And then it didn't, right? It's like, where does all that go now? It comes out in anger. It comes out,

You know, I had some incidents in sobriety. I had one in Hawaii. We were coming out of Target. my mother-in-law who's handicapped, she's have back issues, were coming out of Target and um she was leaning on the carriage like this and my Jamie was next door and I'm walking and a guy came in the exit. Not the entryway, the exit. Yeah. When everybody's coming out and [clears throat] he's got a styrofoam thing with food in it and a styrofoam cup and bumps her up and knocks her sideways.

I don't say anything. I just turn around and look at him and he looked at me and he said, "You got a [ __ ] problem?" I said, "Yeah, I do have a [ __ ] problem. It's you, you fat fuck." He said, "F we have words." I had so many vile bad words for him. He took his styrofoam thing and threw it at me. Oh my god. And I ducked and it went over my head and out the door. And then he came running at me and I hit him with a [ __ ] left.

Split his eye open, put him down. He's on his ass. The coke [ __ ] flew all over the place.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:45:57

Well, Jamie kept walking with her mother in the parking lot to get in the car. And my mother-in-law's [clears throat] going, "Where's Chris?"

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:46:07

And Jamie said, "Oh, he's okay. He's coming." And I said, "Screw, I'll meet you at the bank." And she took off and went over by the bank.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:46:24

Like like Yeah. I don't have like people today just [ __ ] on people.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:46:29

They can get away with so much [ __ ] And I'm not saying go around. I just

But that it was just wrong what he did.

And you know then it I just took it to another level. And I've always been very protective of family and friends. It's been that way. my teammates, man. I have that in me and it's, you know, I take it out once in a while. I don't want to all the time, but there's times I just, you know what,

You know, no respect anymore for anybody like, you know,

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:48:20

Yeah. I have antennas that

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:48:24

Like I was in London. I have antennas. I'm always scanning. I'm looking. I'm no matter where I am, I'm just always And it's not a fair thing. It's common sense what the world is today.

Like street. You have to you have to know what's going on. It's easy to walk around looking at your phone [ __ ] listening to your [ __ ] and next thing you're in the [ __ ]

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:48:55

Yeah. That street wise city tough personality.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:48:59

Take you can take you places.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:49:02

Can take you good places and can also take you bad places.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:49:15

Yeah. Was that was an honor to be able, you know, I'm an ambassador with the Montreal Canadiens, which is a huge honor for me. I'm the first English ambassador. They really had all the guys before me like Jean Bello, Gilaf Flleur ambassadors, the Rashads, Henry Rocket, uh, Ray Jean ambassadors, Gila Flur, Evan Conway, like it's unbelievable. and I got asked to be one uh along with my former sentiment geo Vincent Don Fouse and Patrice Bristo where the four newest guys and to be in that group and then to be asked to come out with the torch where they've only had Hall of Famers bring it up before and a kid from Boston in Montreal the hated rivalry

And I lived there now I I just I feel indebted to the organization because of they've really um I got [clears throat] an opportunity in to fulfill my dream to be an NHLER and yeah like like I said my most thing I'm most proud of is the fact I became a full-time NHL and they helped me do that

Which was cool and so yeah I did that and you know I'm part of the Barry Florenzetti Mental Health Foundation Montreal I'm an ambassador with them

Um um I did a um [clears throat] a fundraising event for them where I told my life story on stage uh four nights uh for 300 people a night. I was on stage for two hours telling a story and um you know how I grew up [ __ ] that happened to me on my my life story kind of like that Mike Tyson thing show wasn't quite as comedic as his.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:51:03

It was thoughtprovoking. It was evocative. It brought different emotions to everybody and we raised a ton of money.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:51:12

And then because of that I um Mr. Laurens Eddi brought me aboard as u an ambassador for the foundation and um so life is good you know I I was doing a radio show there for 10 years and I got fired because I refused to get vaccinated.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:51:29

Um and then yeah you know I was a little worried about what's going to happen now at my age. who's going to hire me? And now, you know, just staying sober and staying clean and sober and and being able to um have a chance to be in the game.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:51:48

Good things happen.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:51:50

And it's all because honestly for me, my life has changed and I do have peace of my life and and life is good today and I'm happy.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:51:58

I was inducted to the Massachusetts Hockey Hall of Fame.

Yeah. which was a hu huge honor for me because a lot of times fighters they don't get recognized for that stuff.

They get recognized by the fan base but not so much by hockey community and large.

So all these good things that have happened in my life being around my kids, my kids and my grandkids, you know, my kids, the forgiveness in my children.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:52:24

For the life, you know, the things I did in my life is that means so much to me. Like my my kids are the best. And um certainly the mom had a lot to do with that.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:52:35

The way I was living my life, but how forgiving they are. And um

Yeah. So life is good today. And you know, it's all cuz I'm clean and sober.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:52:47

I'm going to keep going.

Chris “Knuckles” Nilan1:53:48

Thank you, Kenny. Awesome to be here. Thanks for having me, Bill.