OxyContin, Graffiti, and a Second Chance

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:26

Shepherd Ferry.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:33

Eric Hayes and and Cars were probably two

Yes. as far as out of New York guys that influenced me kind of where I'm at today as far as transitioning from graffiti writer into the fashion and and shirts and stuff like that. Those guys are

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:47

Top level as far as that goes.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald2:39

The root of my childhood was Malden up until about middle school, then Medford,

Then all over Chelsea, River, East Boston. Northshore kid at heart, you know, but it's it's it's Boston roots and as I got older, it was more East Boston and Chelsea.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald3:30

Yeah. I mean, that's the the golden era uh for my addiction where it took off was the OxyContin era because no one

Like looking back, no one really knew what they were doing. You know, there was the party and having fun and that stuff. I lived with my dad in high school for a few years, so I was allowed to, you know, drink, smoke weed. And once perks came on to the scene, it was kind of a wrap. It took out a lot of people, especially with the OxyContin. All all it took was someone typically saying, "This is like, you know, five or six perks in one."

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald4:00

My story also shows that I was nervous like, "Oh, we're not at least we're not doing heroin." That's right.

Right. Only addicts tend to talk like that. At least I'm not doing this. And look at someone that's worse and say, "I'm not like him." And ultimately I ended up just like them, you know, and picked up a needle and it all led me down a path that I didn't ever think in a million years I'd go down.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald4:27

Most of my childhood was with my mom and with that because my mom was so young, we moved around a lot. Was on section 8 welfare. So, you know,

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald4:38

Little bit at one school and then anyone that has any experience with moving around. It's gut-wrenching when you lose all your friends and now you go to a different school district or you know,

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald4:54

Yes. And that that ultimately is my story. And I was a very timid, frail, just I was into art and into what I was into, but I was very like timid. And when you're the new kid all the time, you don't even know where to sit at lunch. And that's like what my story looked like. And it was easy for me to get with the girls, but then certain dudes wanted to beat my ass. And so I had to fight a lot when I was younger.

And looking back, the blessing was that's how I learned how to fight. You get your ass kicked or jumped and stuff. But the new kid just brought on a lot of [ __ ] And then as I started to get older and lean towards middle school, that's where I started to branch out and I learned how to boost. You know, stealing a lot. drug addiction comes into play and you start hanging around with the kids that are doing the wrong thing and that [ __ ] seemed fun back then.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald6:30

On numerous times when I do speak on whatever platform it is or whether it's in person or a podcast, I I say that the one word that sums up my childhood was fear.

Yeah.

And from moving around a lot. And once I started to do graffiti and steel and do that, it kind of created this like alter ego because graffiti like yeah I was running around tagging mailboxes and [ __ ] like that when you think of it, right? But when you take the train in any major city anywhere or even the suburbs, I was doing the type of graffiti that was on the train line and then also sneaking into the train yards and doing the train. So the crimes

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald7:18

With spray paint that we stole. So with big pot, you know, cuz when I was younger, we didn't have money. So it's a lot of stealing

To get the paint to then do that. And my story shows, you know, you you move around a lot. You're the new kid. You get picked on up until I was sick of getting picked on. And then I started to be the kid that lashed out, you know, and I remember, like I said, having a fight or get jumped and then ultimately that taught me how to defend myself because if you can hold yourself from getting a vicious beaten and it's two, threeon one, you you learn how to use your hands and stuff.

But I still was a lot of fear. So, I'm not going to sit here and say it's simple on my story switch where I became this tough guy because to me the tough guy is the guy that do the right thing. It's like what we do now, what we talked about so far off camera.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald8:00

Um but the stuff I idolized as far as tough when I was younger,

I didn't fit that mold when I was little.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald9:53

Yeah. That's also the age like I always joke around cuz um Medford, that's where I went to middle school and that's where I had the most issues as far as with other kids because I was into hip-hop. I was into graffiti. I like dancing and messing around with break dancing and they would just like didn't really mesh with that. And I also like sports. When you grow up to sports, it's like I loved hockey as a kid. My mother just couldn't afford it.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald10:15

But I was good at street hockey. I just didn't have money for skates and stuff like that. So

It was like this crossroads of like I wasn't able to go down the path I wanted to

And it was really easy to do the wrong thing to learn how to steal and hang out with the kids that were doing that [ __ ] That was easy for me to go down that. I was also accepted.

Yeah. So, seventh grade I was really heavily getting into graffiti and the staling was, you know, I was getting good at it. Yeah. And what I mean by good at is I did it a lot and we didn't get caught. And in seventh grade, which was 1994 going into 1995 for me, right? I told you I'm into hip-hop. So, you got Biggie, Wu Tang, Mob Deep, right? Cypress Hill, all these groups. A lot of the fashion back then was like Kahhat Hoodies, um, cargo pants. Well, me and my friend robbed the Army Navy store.

Now we started being looked at as like, "Oh, those are the kids you don't hang out with because now they started knowing what we're doing after hours, painting, stealing,

And we go into the store." My plan is to just kind of boost some pants. You know, you layer up. It's the winter. You just layer up and take a pair of pants.

That turns into me going into the changing room and seeing that there's a window. So, I was like, I got a better idea. I could just start throwing some merch out the window.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald11:25

Well, I go to open up the the screen. I get the screen open. I hear a noise. I shut the curtain. I'm all nervous. I end up leaving. I don't steal anything. Go on my way. Few hours later, me and my friend are walking by that same store. Now it's night time. And it just dawns on me. Hey, I left that window open. Let me see. So, I run in the alleyway. The curtains blowing in the wind. So, it's like 8:00 at night, a winter night.

Me and my friend I'm with that I'm doing a lot of the graffiti with and getting in trouble with at the time. I give him 10 fingers and boost him up. He climbs in the window. Then I jump in. We go in, we wipe most of this store out with as much gear as we can take. Car hot jackets, hoodies, cargo pants, all this [ __ ] Run to the back, throw it out the window, jump out the alley. We're running down the street, right? Two seventh graders.

I'm literally seventh.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald12:14

Seventh grade. 14 years old at the time. I have as much [ __ ] as I can carry.

And all of a sudden, we start hearing a car honking [ __ ] what are you doing? Like yelling at us. It was his sister's boyfriend, right? So, I'm thinking he's going to beat our ass. He lets us throw all the [ __ ] in the back. We jump in and the first thing he says when he realized we just like robbed the store is he goes, "Did you hit the cash register?" This is the example of two 14-year-olds doing this rather than this kid who was uh 20 at the time.

He parks, we go back to the store, go through the same exact window we just went through, go up in there. He knew exactly how to get it in the cash register, takes all the cash, plus we took more merch. We get back to the car. He gave us a hundred bucks each. I don't know still to this day. I don't know the total, but basically we were [ __ ] idiots. We went in for like pants and hoodies and could have had cash.

So, he took most of the cash and just gave us a little bit. But that was one of those things that, you know, at in seventh grade, that's the level of [ __ ] that was going on behind the scenes.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald14:23

And that's also the old school elevated train. So you going to North Station.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald14:49

Like, no one's fighting here." I'm like, "Well, we got to be prepared." When you grow up different, your mind's just wrapped around things before it happened.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald15:02

Well, that's hilarious that you just said that because I'm 46 and I love sneakers, but I and I know

That it derives from as a kid,

My mom couldn't afford Jordans. And if you think about it, right, like I know I'm a little bit younger, but like Jordan's prime years were like such an influential age, right, that

In third grade, I went to school with Jordash high tops that I loved. So, two weeks leading up to school,

I'm in the mirror, right? I'm loving them. I went to school. It's like third grade. and a couple of these kids made fun of me. And I was a perfect example looking back of how, like you said, friends or peers are so influential on the mind. I went from loving these sneakers to feeling like a loser because they were like a off-brand that when I started to get a little bit older and then get my own money, even to this day, I got a room in my house that's basically for sneakers.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald16:01

Some of them I'll probably never wear. And guess what, Ken? It's probably not going to change.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald16:05

Because it's just something I like and it's like art to me. Sneakers are like art. But I like the colorways. I like this. And I know it derives from not being able to afford it when I was a kid.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald16:34

So you got teased on the other end if you think about it, right? So you

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald17:35

[ __ ] him." So what I've come to realize, and it seems like you have too, no matter what you're doing in life, good, bad, or indifferent, there's always people talking.

That's exactly

Like you're never getting out of that, right? And so now I'm human so I still get bothered if you hear some stuff just like I'm sure you do. But here's the truth just in the short conversation we had even before this. You do some [ __ ] that's on another level that [ __ ] people wish they could do.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald18:15

Right. And I relate with that too. I'm a gym guy. I take care of myself. My wife does too. Fitness is a big part of our family and we do stuff discipline. And people,

Oh you're crazy. You do this, this, and this. Life I've come to figure out is you can do whatever you want. That's right. And when you start to lean into what you want to do and your life looks good and you're badass and do some [ __ ] and actually tough, it's definitely going to bring on people that talk.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald19:21

By living your best life. But when you said, you know, hearing the the crowd share and

These are my people. I mean, addicts in recovery, we have some of the most darkest days, right? And I'm very open and honest about my most depressive moments in life, active addiction, being strung out.

Um, leaning into everything I thought was evil at one point became the only way I wanted to get high. All that stuff, I own it. And there's going to be people that judge, right? Addicts get judged, alcoholics get judged. Who gives a [ __ ] To me, the most important part of your journey, my journey, is the people I meet around along the way that relate, that don't necessarily judge cuz we're human. Everyone's going to judge,

Right? But when you lean into who relates and who, you know, feeds off of that mindset, that's the connection part. That's why we're [ __ ] doing this.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald21:06

You know why that's more relatable?

Because there's more people out there that were strung out or hiding their addiction than there are that are going to complete a marathon. There's more people that relate to me growing up struggling with drugs and alcohol and domestic violence and getting picked on than they do with doing a whole side of a [ __ ] hotel as a mural or whatever it is, right? Because it's

The evolution of self. I always say recovery is the evolution of self that we do with others.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald21:31

The important part is finding the others.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald21:33

Like no one's recovery journey that I've seen that blossom into this great man or woman, I've never heard a story like, "Oh, I did this all by myself."

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald21:40

Right. You select few that you find. Right. And and that's the beautiful part about it. And then we get to keep going after this because here's the truth of it and I feel like you're like this too and most other addicts I know that are like savages do this.

The way we were on drugs and alcohol, it just got honed in a positive way. Exactly. So like I don't rob stores. I don't steal. I don't do that. But I'm a [ __ ] hustler's hustler. Yeah.

I'm always making moves to do larger scale stuff with the artwork. Move the merch. Speak here. do this because I have this tenacious vibe of like I want to do more but with purpose.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald23:10

Crisis on board." It's true. And right because you don't want to see your brother's sink. So sometimes

Well, first of all, it's accountability. That's a nice thing for connection, too, because I'm real big on anyone that's like super close to me. I'm I'm always trying to promote for them to take care of themselves. Yeah. You want to see have them see the same benefits you do as far as, you know, eating good or going to the gym or more importantly chasing and doing stuff that you like to do.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald23:36

Most alcoholics and addicts that I've seen that become successful. They've built up a life worth living

Cuz if not the alternative people just go back to getting high.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald23:44

They're getting [ __ ] up. They have this job they don't like a relationship they're in. They don't really love the person and they don't do anything that makes them feel fulfilled. So we ultimately end up going back to the bottle.

That's exactly right. So, I just try to stay on this path of like it's like this competition to get better, but it's with you.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald24:04

Medford High, then Melrose High.

So, Medford High was only there for like 3 months in um if if you remember. So, I think it was 9596. There was a racial riot in Medford High.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald24:17

I believe a couple people got poked. I know a few people got hit with pipes in black and white. So that that caused a lot of issues for me because I've always had a diverse friend group being in the graffiti and hip-hop and break dancing and [ __ ] like that.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald24:29

I've always had a diverse friend friend group. So one of the biggest things that I battled with in my years from going to middle school to the few months I did go to Medford High

Is I hung around with a lot of kids from Lynn and a lot of different graffiti writers from Boston. And there's certain kids I went to school with that that would fuckle me and I remember getting jumped once and then this is this was a turning point because I knew it was going to go down. These Spanish kids that I was cool with from Lynn ended up finding the kids that jumped me and called me on a pay phone. This how long ago it was cuz now I'm in this awkward moment.

They're like, "Oh, they're saying the names like, "Oh, we got blah blah blah and blah blah blah here. Didn't they jump you?" And I'm like, "Yeah, but don't do anything." Cuz I knew if I'm like if I sick these kids on them right now,

I'm going to get [ __ ] up at school because these kids, I mean, boys, they go to school in Lyn. English.

And even though I said don't do nothing, I still got the repercussions. This kid ended up jumping me and it just it turned into this big battle and things started escalating as far as like the retaliations, right? I got jumped and these other kids got jumped and finally I just ended up leaving that school because I wouldn't I refuse to go to school

And that's where I transitioned where my mom was like, "Then you're going to have to live with your dad."

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald25:37

And when I moved in with him, it was basically like having a roommate, not a dad.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald25:41

You know, he condoned the drinking. He condoned the smoking of the weed,

You know, and that's where the

The addiction definitely kicked into a different notch when you were allowed to do that [ __ ] in the house.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald26:02

Well, I was already doing that before I moved in with my dad.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald26:04

So, it was easy to manipulate. what he was okay with was the drinking and I couldn't openly be just like have a bag or like doing lines, you know, but

You learn manipulation tactics just like my I learned from my dad. I watched how he maneuvered and I started being able to have these parties and girls could stay over and it was crazy. It was literally like a roommate.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald26:12

Well, everyone looking back, everyone was willing to do the next thing, right?

Because if we're already at that limit of like drinking and smoking weed, which I was already drinking and here and there, not daily, but I was already getting it in like that in middle school.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald26:46

So, high school it just escalated really quick because then it became like the club drugs and I I always sum up my drug addiction like this. I dabbled with a lot of different [ __ ] but once opiates came into play,

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald27:23

Yeah, we play the what if game. I my aunt I it always sticks out cuz my aunt says that to me in the times that we've talked over the years. She'd be like, you know, I'm I'd seen what happened with my friends and the bottom line, Jason, she said, is I was afraid to do that stuff cuz I knew I'd like it.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald27:38

Right. And that's her story, right? But the flip side is we can play the what if game. We both can. I think the beautiful thing is one of the biggest blessings I got and this took a long time for the perspective to switch and look at it like this. But one of the biggest blessings I got in life was to actually become a [ __ ] strung out drug addict because it ultimately led me to everything I have positive in my life today.

I really had to earn fight for and and still contain consistency because depressive thoughts and negative thoughts and going backwards and [ __ ] I've already proven that that can happen even with time.

Yeah. If you're not doing the [ __ ] it it just it takes you right back.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald28:22

Junior year in high school and I worked for a year or so with this computer company. I used to bo uh box up the monitors. You take these monitors off the shelf, lace them with plastic, spray them with this foam machine, right? That [ __ ] would heat up and I that was my job is basically just boxing up these monitors. But the dudes that I worked with, they were all about four years older than me, five years older than me. And I remember they'd be they were always like working with different FedEx and the UPS drivers cuz every day drivers come and pick up these packages.

And I was already in the game, just not really in opiates yet. So that's the first time is I seen them talking about Vikes and perks and all this [ __ ] So I'm a little nosy, right? I want to know what they're talking about. I get some. And you know, I was into graffiti and tagging and whatnot back then. not none of the murals that you see now. But what I will tell you is that the first time I did them,

Cuz I believe I always had ADHD. I just never was on rolin or none of that stuff. But the first time I did them, it it made me very excited. And I never was the opiate nodding guy. Never in my addiction was I the nodding guy.

I I'll [ __ ] clean all of Nashville on one percoet. You know what I mean? So, but I drew this one thing and I must have spent seven or eight hours. It ended up going in my senior yearbook. They put it in in like the art section and it was like this tear, this eye with a tear coming down and all just this black and like looking back it was it was really just doodling.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald29:46

The brain receptors open for me. This is the tricky thing with people that are very creative is that opiates they do make people very creative. It's just the lie that I told myself is I was always more creative on drugs.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald30:01

Yeah, that's right.

It it was true for a bit though. But it I said, "Wow, this makes me want to draw and do stuff to another level." So that's why my addiction went hand in hand with the graffiti and the perks and the opiates is that it made me want to kind of, you know, just take it to another level. But back then it was more like I'm going to paint in a spot where the risk of falling and dying. So I know that sounds [ __ ] up, right?

But I was adrenaline junkie.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald30:26

And on the drugs you don't care. You think you're like Superman. So you're robbing and staying to get the money,

Then you're coping, which is illegal. And for me, it was mainly like the Charles Town projects and [ __ ] like that.

And then now I'm doing graffiti on the drugs you're not supposed to have. Like So it was one big lifestyle.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald30:40

And that's kind of what I was hooked on along that with the drugs and the lifestyle.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald30:46

Yeah. And that was only a part-time job. So it was a little bit of hustling on the side. I told you I started boosting young. Yeah.

So one of the things with being in graffiti is that I had some acquaintances that were in art school. They really weren't street kids. So, I had nice little hustles where, you know, the paint markers and [ __ ] that we uh use as artists, they're pretty expensive.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald31:05

Three, four bucks for one.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald31:07

I used to have little deals with people. Um I'll do a dollar a marker and they're like, "All right, no problem." I could go into a store and take 90 if you think about it. You know, a pen, a marker, it's really not that big. And we had those cargo pants like I told you that was in a certain style.

So, that was a that was a quick little hustle with the art students, too. A buck a marker, I come out real quick with 90 markers. That's 90 bucks.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald31:30

A little bit when I was younger. And because I was younger, it was like a slap on the wrist. One of the times I remember them having to call my mom and I'm like, "My mom's going to beat my ass." My mom's from the Chelsea project. She's [ __ ] got no filter.

Just, you know, always been like that. And it's [ __ ] up because the way the story went was not how I was expecting. When she had to come pick me up, I was all 14

Shoplifting. I got like grabbed like stud earrings and some other [ __ ] And she felt bad for me that I didn't have the money. I I'm thinking she was literally going to swing on me.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald32:04

I'll never I never forget that she picked me up and on the ride home was like pissed and I was like, "Dude, if she tells my grandfather, cuz my grandfather's an old school guy, and we were going to do uh have uh like 5 days of vacation up in used to get a time share up at Still Hill in in New Hampshire." And I remember being like, "Oh my god, if she tells my grandfather, he's going to back him." You know, she's like, "I'm not telling papa."

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald32:34

And that's But that's the old school thing, you know. This is this one thing though, that

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald32:58

My mom would grab anything. She would have grabbed this thing and flipped it around, you know, but that always stood out because, you know, at that age, I learned how to get away. Like, like looking back, first of all, I'm very grateful for some of the [ __ ] that I've done that we didn't get caught. And there's certain chases if it did end with getting caught.

I might [ __ ] still be in there.

Yeah. You know, but there's there is a lot of chases. There's a lot of, you know, looking back, even at a young age, we'd size up the employees. You're like, "This fat [ __ ] ain't catching me." I know it sounds judgmental, but me and Active Addiction, especially before I had any knee issues, I was fast as [ __ ]

So sometimes you just the mind was like, "All right, if we start to leave this store and someone starts to chase us, they're not catching us."

Yeah. And and [ __ ] history showed that to be true. Um, and then it just escalated because then you start involving cars and just different stores times of day, smash and grabs, you know, and it's like I mean looking back I was pretty resourceful with like like most addicts are like we want to continue our addiction and I also was heavily into graffiti back then. I mean regularly like as much as we're doing drugs we're doing highlevel like spots.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald34:05

That when people take the train or driving the next day they're like how the [ __ ] like that happens to this day. I get that a lot. They're like, "Wait, did you guys used to paint like we if you fell you die?" I go, "Yeah." And they want to pick your brain, right?

One of the things we used to do, and I look back, I'm like,

"Wow, we used to hustle our ass off." Back in the day, I won't say the store, but there was a certain store and they had their own brand of paint, and the stickers were 87 cents. And then the other brands of paint, you know, Rustoleum, they go 87 cents and all the other ones were like three, four bucks. We'd put together maybe say 15, 20 bucks between a few of us back then cuz all our money is going to get high.

Yeah. And I used to have this trick and I'd rub the sticker. You warm up the adhesive with your thumb and I'd peel off the 87 cent and then I'd put it on the three or four dollar can. Yeah. You take the time. Now mentally, you know, if I'm going to end getting out of this aisle with actually purchasing something, I can buy myself some time in here. If we were broke as [ __ ] with no money, they're going to be like, "These kids are spending all this time in here, so I'm doing this." You'd do 10 to 20 cans and then we'd go up to the register and I was slick because I'd take the cheap brand of blue 87 cents and I'd put that sticker on blue but the more expensive brand because when they scan it it's still going to come up as blue.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald35:17

So when we got away with that for the first time I had another good friend that said we should take those stickers and I can make copies out of it on his computer. So we used to walk into the store with these labels already pre-made like in pockets. It's stealing but on a different level. You we still had to pay some money, right?

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald35:36

And then when some other people got a a hold of that hustle, it we had to switch stores and [ __ ] but you know, just looking back, it's like the things you do to get away with getting paint or selling paint. That was a thing. It was just all hustling. And then you get into recovery and I was like one of my biggest battles, man, when I was younger with finally sobering up was you can't steal no more.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald35:57

That lifestyle is going to take you out, you know? I'm not proud to admit it, but it that was a battle for a bit. I used to still boast a lot even when I was early in recovery in my mid20s.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald37:47

Vikes and perks were a very shortlived thing because that's when the oxy's y

Came into play. Going to a party one night with someone saying,

You know, this is like four or five perks or whatever.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald38:02

Yeah, that's what there's the math.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald38:14

Yes. And the sad thing is, so once those came on the scene, that was the only thing I didn't really care about drinking as much, no smoking weed. Your main thing is the opiates. And with that, like I said with the art, when the first time I did opiates, that [ __ ] creatively, me on drugs, we were just lashing out. And there was nothing positive going on in life back then. It was drug addiction.

It was painting. And there was no purpose. I wasn't making money, you know, doing artwork or nothing like that. It was literally just street [ __ ] You just were getting up. There's a lot of beef that came along with that.

The fighting, the crossout wars, there's there's a whole underbelly.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald38:53

So when you get into issues of different areas and you go over people or they go over you.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald38:59

With painting? Like so say you have

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald39:03

Yeah. You'd have certain train lines, right? Like I always had my stuff fully on the orange line, blue line, which is River and East Boston. Orange lines all the way from Mald and Melrose all the way to Forest Hills out in Roxberry.

Red line takes you out to Madapan. Then the purple line. So we'd have stuff and some of that stuff's even still there to this day, which is cool. When I go to Celtics games, I love taking the train cuz I see some old stuff.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald39:25

We took the train a lot. So you'd be up on seeing your graffiti, but you might take the train one day and see that someone went over your [ __ ] Now that would

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald39:40

Yes and no. You Sometimes that might happen where you're like, "Who the [ __ ] is that?" Maybe they were younger, they didn't know.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald39:47

But sometimes it'd be someone that was also known. So that therefore would spark some [ __ ]

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald39:54

Well, they didn't they didn't even know it as that. They That's the cool thing is that being a graffiti writer growing up, no one unless they were actual friend knew who the [ __ ] was doing what.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald40:07

Well, there's no internet and you just don't really know who's doing that, but you'd see the stuff and

Those crossout wars and these, you know, beefs would escalate. There's times where you end up crossing paths. I remember, you know, it was in my early 20s. We had some heavy [ __ ] going on with, I mean, to the point where [ __ ] cinder blocks got through thrown through someone's [ __ ] living room. I mean, that's the level that it was at. Pipes pulled out, knives, you know, I've been [ __ ] jumped, almost stabbed, [ __ ] guns pointed at. Crazy [ __ ] And I come across a kid once and without even hesitating, the kid just cracks me.

Boom. But the best part about fighting, when you get hit hard with someone's first shot and it doesn't stun you, you kind of get like this adrenaline rush.

We end up [ __ ] fighting. It wasn't really win- lose or draw. It was kind of just a scrap.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald40:50

[ __ ] mall security comes in

And uh I remember they're like, "Fucking, you know, you're banned for a year." I'm like, "I don't give a [ __ ] bro." I remember it was a kid I went to high school with. He's now [ __ ] mall security. Look like a mounty, right? And he's like, "Jay, you can't come back here for a year." I'm like, I don't give a [ __ ] I was looking for that kid for the last 6 months and this poor [ __ ] had a warrant, dude.

So, he ended up getting um arrested. And I remember just like laughing and you know, we were like [ __ ] 20, 21 years old. But it's always a story that stood out because, you know, you are coming across each other's [ __ ] You're in the train yard, you're here, and you're hoping you run into them.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald41:23

And we finally cross paths. And um the funny thing with that is he had this dude with him. So picture a square one mall sus mass [ __ ] moms pops aunts everyone's just out shopping and me and this kid he punches me first right so these women are like oh [ __ ] and I just hockey fight I pull his [ __ ] hoodie over and I'm just cracking him and the kid that he's with way bigger than me and he kept going to jump in and I didn't have anything on me but I

Three different times in the fight I reached for my waist and was like I'll stick you so I was I was front like I had a knife right luckily he he took the bait and he kept backing up

But when the cops came to um [ __ ] with and he ended up having a warrant. The cop comes over and starts frisking me and he's like, "Uh, people said that they heard you had a knife." And in my head, I was like, "Oh, this [ __ ] told the cops I had a knife." So, they searched me. They see that I have no knife. And ultimately, this pull of [ __ ] had a warrant. And we didn't. And that one kid didn't see each other for a long time.

Uh, and then we did. And he's actually doing well and in recovery now, too. Yeah. And we almost we laugh at that now because it it just is what it is. We were like young punks.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald42:25

But we were both taking our graffiti serious. Some people look at that as crazy, like you guys were fighting over graffiti. It's like, yeah, you're risking your life. The [ __ ] we were doing was illegal.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald42:34

And ultimately that led me into my purpose, which was ultimately being

Not a graffiti artist, an artist, you know, and just creating on a a deeper level really. But that

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald42:58

Saying graffiti artist does kind of diminish what it is I do today. But those are my roots. Like looking that taught me a lot of stuff. It taught me how to

Deal with conflict. When I was taking the train back in the day and you'd see something [ __ ] that was gone over by someone else. I was cutting hair cuz you know I went on to be a barber and I'd be in the barber shop just cutting all day dying to get out of work but I got to make money.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald43:21

To take back those spots.

And I would do that and that was in that was even in recovery, you know. I I was so I was clean from 25 years old to 33. I was in recovery.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald43:32

8 years doing great, helping people. And I relapsed in 2013. One one [ __ ] drink in a club sparked almost three years before I could get back into recovery.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald43:50

Yes.

So Okay. So what happened? uh 21 years old, few years of active addiction with opiates. He

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald44:05

Prior to doing opiates, yeah, we partied and got [ __ ] up a lot, but I don't remember ever getting up in the morning and needing to do something to go to school. I could rough it out, you know, maybe smoke weed during break or whatever, but

Opiates, yes, that became a daily thing, especially once you start understanding what being dopesick is. But 21 years old, a lot of those friends had transitioned into being active heroin addicts. And I I

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald44:29

Yes. But I I resisted as long as I could.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald44:40

What was synthetic heroin though? That's all the oxyon were.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald44:47

This is what I say. The This is my comparison. You take two people, two addicts, for 30 days straight, you take oxycottton, and for 30 days straight, I do heroin.

On day 31, if you don't feed both of us that [ __ ] we both feel the same.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald45:02

So, do that math.

Now, there's the obvious standard. Hey, look at the guy under the bridge. He's using a needle. He's [ __ ] That guy's gross. He's homeless. We don't want to be like him.

And then there's a guy that might have the good job.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald45:14

The money.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald45:16

Maybe keeping the physique somewhat going right.

Exactly what I did. Strung to the gills though.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald46:08

Different times.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald46:19

I was with some friends that I knew were actively shooting heroin and I was sick. I had been sick many times before that for whatever reason. You tough it out. I'd come up with something. But prior to doing dope like that, you had to come up with more money.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald46:38

The OxyContin. At one point, people were selling them for 90 bucks a piece.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald46:43

Yep. And you know there's a lot of boosting like I said back then and it just got to a point where you're like okay you could do this it's $10. Back then we knew people that was selling the knockout bag. It was actually heroin back then. Yeah. Nowadays it's fed

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald46:59

So I just made a conscious decision and I remember being like I'm going to cross that line today. And I did. And the scariest thing is that

You're like oh I've arrived. You you see why everyone went that route. At least that's my story.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald47:16

No, I I did. The weird part of my story is that you know cuz I was an active heroin addict for 3 years.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald47:24

No, first time I ever did it, I sniffed it.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald47:31

Yeah. As far as sniffing it to me, it was the same [ __ ] If anything, I just felt a little bit dirtier because it was dope if I'm being honest.

Okay. And then once it went to needles, it was off and running like most people say. Most people

Who shows you how to use a needle like are you think well other people that were already getting high in that manner.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald48:04

Well I'll tell you that I was naive and didn't know any of it. That's why my first time doing it, I just sacrificed my arm.

Here you go. Okay.

I didn't know how to cook it. I didn't know how to I didn't know how to do any of the stuff. Right.

But it's funny in life in active addiction,

There's a lot of stuff I didn't know how to do. And you had to speak up or you learn from your friends, right? Like you said, your your your resource or your friends is who we end up being like. And that was ultimately my story in active addiction. And these people were a little bit more educated as far as where to get it. Y

How to do it. And it was off and running like that.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald48:40

Yeah. Because it's instantly it's instantly hitting your bloodstream. And like anyone said, they're like, "Listen, you're probably going to get sick." And the scary thing is is that is exactly what happened.

But after I got sick, I already was like, "Let's do this." And I ended up drawing. I ended up really putting a bunch in, you know, cuz I was with some other graffiti writers at the time, too. And so, we all had this in common. We all stole. We did graffiti, street kids, selling drugs, dealing drugs, whatever. Mainly doing them. I don't have a [ __ ] Scarface story. I never was good at selling them because I like doing the [ __ ] too much.

And I didn't give a [ __ ] about anything else. And that's the lane that I went in. And there's overdoses and there's, you know, close calls and there's friends overdosing. I've had to save people. I've had people overdose right in front of me

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald49:28

No, back I mean, this is so far back then. I think only [ __ ] paramedics might have had that. I I for sure never had narcan. Um

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald49:37

Now, yeah,

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald49:38

Oh, we give it away. Yeah, especially the treatments. But um

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald49:41

But yeah, back then, no, it was uh the the two scenarios that I I actually had to give a friend multim. He was [ __ ] blue.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald49:47

And that at least kept him slightly breathing for a bit. Had to call 911. They saved him. And another time in a in a truck. I had borrowed my neighbor's truck. I was like, "Yeah, I'm going to [ __ ] I'll be back real quick." This turned into two hours.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald50:03

He only let me take it cuz I was like, I'll bring you back something, you know, so I enticed him with that turned into he was a heroin guy, too.

Well, I said I was going to get him some OC's.

Okay. You know, we're [ __ ] lying and

I'm over here getting dope. My friend goes out in the back seat.

So, we're trying to I'm freaking the [ __ ] out. Nothing's working

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald50:22

Well, we're trying to revive him before you did that, right? And I knew that he was still breathing, but like slightly. I don't know if you ever had anyone overdose in front of you, but it's God.

They're tough scenarios where and I'm grateful in my scenarios because I've had some I've lost some friends, man, that were with other people that panicked.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald50:38

Either kicked them out of the car, left him in the car. I don't have those stories. I have like survival instinct kicked in.

And you know, you don't want to have to [ __ ] give your boy mouth to mouth. But I promise you, when you start to see that your friend's going out and he's blue,

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald50:53

You bet your ass I'm going to [ __ ] help out. you know.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald50:56

Without Nan though, we were able to revive him. One of the times I pulled up the mount to mouth wouldn't work. The pressure points. I took his shoes off the bottom of his feet. I [ __ ] grabbed someone's [ __ ] hose right out of the side of the house and sprayed the whole back of the [ __ ] truck. It's [ __ ] crazy. And he woke up. Yeah. And the thing that pissed me off, man, is when he came too. Well, one, I was happy to see that he was alive, but he was more concerned with like, "Oh, I had something in my pot." Like, I'm like, "Bro, I promise you we didn't run through your shit." And I didn't.

I'd tell you right now. Oh, he's he thinking you

His main concern was that there was something that was missing that he had and I was like, "Get the [ __ ] out of here."

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald51:31

And I remember pulling up near his house and it's sad cuz he senses passed away.

Yeah. A few years ago, it was my buddy Nick. That was like my high school best friend. We did a lot of [ __ ] together, a lot of painting trains together, a lot of going out, you know, clubbing and break dancing. And, you know, it's just sad. You looking back at that story, I was able to save him that time, but he went down a path. I mean, he was his addiction took him to a place where a robbery gone bad in the Charlestown projects.

He was shot point blank in the [ __ ] neck. Survived that.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald52:00

That's not even where his life ended. Shot point blank in the [ __ ] neck in the Charles Town projects in the hallway. Survived that. Survived numerous other overdoses, different jail bids. And the sad thing is when I when I talk about him is that he had a dream to do like graffiti and excel with that [ __ ] just like I did. And when I started to take recovery serious, I always wanted to give back to the guys that I like came up with.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald52:24

And sometimes they just weren't receptive to that the connection part or what me and you can talk about in Bombwood and some other guys.

And I would see that they would just be very turned off by meetings or anything 12step fell. Anything like anything I know that personally has worked for me. They were very like,

You know, that's a cult. That don't work for me. And here's the beautiful thing about that, Ken. When someone talks like that, they're right. Yeah.

Cuz you won't allow it to work.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald53:00

Exactly.

Well, this guy's the plug of good information. So, I listen to some of these [ __ ] now.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald53:06

Well, we all need guidance. It's like, what kind do you want? I'll tell you one thing where people tend to talk like that, it's because

What they're trying to get you to lean into is [ __ ] scary. Yeah, I have to listen to this guy and maybe go off of women to change my life around. Well, here's what's definitely going to happen. You're going to [ __ ] go back to jail, probably die, probably overdose again, or at best make it into detox. That's 100% going on the way that I was living. And then I came into these halls and like figured it out with some guys, and some guys I [ __ ] with and some guys I didn't.

And that's fine. That's life.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald53:38

And I leaned into that and I'm grateful for it. It ultimately changed my perspective and helped me lean into what actually recovery really is.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald54:26

the me mentioning the the fetty the, you know, fentanyl. I say fetty, but um it's a game changer because when that stuff started to get introduced, people started overdosing from sniffing it.

Back in the day, you never heard of that.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald55:05

I was one of those guys. I I don't even know if I've ever spoken about this out loud. I've definitely said it to some friends, but we lost a friend in 2002, 19 years old, kid Matt Shilly. That kid was a [ __ ] stud, hockey player, handsome kid, got all kinds of girls, likable, you know, him and his brothers. Everyone liked him. Good family. That was like shocking at a 19-year-old kid to overdose like that. Right. When I got when I got the news,

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald55:34

But this is the sick part about addiction, Ken, is that when I got the news that he had overdosed, I was upstairs in my room about to get high off the same dope. The phone rang a couple times and I forget why.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald55:46

Cuz there was a certain kid we were going through at the time.

Okay. And I put the I put this [ __ ] down and I run downstairs and I answer the phone and this kid lets me know that Matt had passed. He's like, "He just overdosed there. The paramedics are at his house right now." And I'm like,

My main priority, you know, I was sick at the time.

Yeah. You need to get off. And I was like, I'll call you back. And I I hang the phone up

And I run upstairs and I do it. But I remember doing like a little bit less.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald56:14

Because the mentality was, damn, if it's taken someone out,

I certainly wasn't gonna let one phone call, and as [ __ ] up as that sounds, knowing that someone passed,

Make me stay sick. I'm not going to say, oh, that's the same [ __ ] I'm not going to do this. I went up there and did it. And then within an hour, I was at that house and we're all grieving the loss of this kid on the same [ __ ] And so were other people, too. So, um, that is how much of an epidemic it was back then that it didn't matter if you were like a street kid that didn't have parents and grew up a certain way or you were the hockey kid who had both parents and everything seemingly going for them and could go to a nice school and got good grades, right?

So, he lost his life at 19 years old and I went on to along with his brother and some of our other friends went on to get high and so many more of those guys have since passed.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald57:12

It's crazy. I'm like I remember saying to one of the other kids in the neighborhood that was has been in and out of rehab. I'm like dude there's there's fentinel out here. He's like are you crazy? This the guy who I buy fentinel sells it to like six people in this neighborhood. I was like what it's the thing is it's a game changer too because it's also in other things. Yep. I have friends that have vented. They're like, "Jay, my buddy, he was somewhat healthy, took care of himself, kind of a regular guy." They'd say, you know, he'd drink and smoke here and there.

He smoked a blunt with the wrong people. The dude overdosed. They had [ __ ] fentanyl in the weed.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald57:53

It's so strong that it's the head of a pen that can kill someone.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald59:26

It was pressed.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald59:39

And then we cross that imaginary line though. That's the thing.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald59:42

All it takes is being it you have one decision that's going to either keep you sick feeling that way and you don't like that and that's the uncertainty.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald59:55

But part of the thrill is that this could be over. And that's [ __ ] up to say, but I mean that's the at least the battle in the the life I was living.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:00:05

Every time you you know plunge that, it's like it's it's I mean it's sick now when I look back at it, right? Because that's like you're going all in to just feel better.

Yep. Right. You're willing to risk your life to feel better, but you don't want to be sick for a week. I would cop bags for $40 off guys that barely speak English to then go into a [ __ ] alleyway in Charles Town cuz sometimes I couldn't make it back to where the train station was. I had my little spots

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:00:33

And it's it's [ __ ] sad when you look at it, right? Because to truly be happy takes a lot of hard work. Or at least it took me a lot of hard work to get to a place where you like who you are. Maybe you like your physique, you like the relationship you're in, you like your friends. All that [ __ ] took hard work. So, when I had said earlier, one of the biggest blessings though was ultimately to have been a [ __ ] shrung out heroin addict led me to this despair moment of depression and there's nowhere to turn, right?

You either want to end your life cuz that's ultimately how bad addiction got. I didn't want to do it anymore. But was too much of like I don't even want to say like a coward to do it. I just that kind of still scared me, but I knew I didn't want to like wake up feeling like this every day,

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:01:11

That I really just leaned into like we were saying like, yeah, you go to a place and I was like, I don't know if I should trust these guys. We're in a [ __ ] church basement and they all have all this knowledge and I was like, well, I already know what's happening this way.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:01:23

And I just [ __ ] I finally leaned into taking some advice from men that seem like they cared for me.

When did you first get sober? When you were How old were you? 23 is the first time I tried like recovery, you know, detox a halfway house.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:01:39

I actually went to a detox in mass for six days and then

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:02:32

That helped a lot of friends. Mine was inatient. It was So there 6 days and I remember going there. It's like medically assisted, right?

Oh yeah. And it was a methodone taper back then. So they once you

Do your intake, they search your [ __ ] and you piss for them and prove that you have that in your system. They'll dose you with the methanol. So I was like trying to [ __ ] get through that process

And they dose me and was there for 6 days. then went to holding to get placed into a halfway house and then Holden back then it was Tukbury Mass.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:02:59

I've had enough. Well, one, there was a little bit of help. Um I have a brother that's 6 years younger than me and you know, he looked up to me rightfully so. We didn't have a dad around, so I was like the role model. And I didn't know that he had [ __ ] found my stash.

I used to have a a jacket in the closet amongst all this other clothes that that's where I'd keep certain [ __ ] in there. And he must have just been digging through and found it. Um, and he ended up letting my mom know like this is the level of what Jay's doing. So when my mother found that out, we had had a party together cuz he was 17, I was 23, you know. So we started like drinking around that. age together where he's like now a teenager in high school, you know?

So, we're partying and I leave early. My mom comes home, he gets busted for having the party.

And that's when it ended up coming out that I'm [ __ ] full-fledged heroin addict.

I'll never forget that phone call.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:04:02

3:00 a.m. She's like, "Where the [ __ ] are you?" And I'm like, "Oh, Mike, I forget what friend I said I was at." She's like, "Get the [ __ ] home." She's like, "I know that you have needles." And [ __ ] she let other family members know. So these these next few days after that moment were like unraveling intervention. You know, my father's side of the family, that's like the tight-knit Italian side. So my aunt and my uh cousin were heavily involved with helping me ultimately get help for the first time.

And as much as I was scared, Ken, to be honest, part of me was like kind of relieved. Like, all right, what does this look like? I've been getting high since I was 12, 13 years old. And then the last handful years regularly shing heroin. It's like, so I was just fed up.

That was my first taste of like, you know, someone coming in to speak to you, sitting with a counselor, then going to a halfway house. So now I'm around other guys,

But I didn't stay clean from from that point on. But that was my introduction of like what AA, NA, any of these fellowships, what it even looked like.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:05:01

And some of it did interest me. It it really did. I just I couldn't fully buy in. And I ultimately ended up getting clean and taking recovery serious a couple years later. Now I was 25 years old. That's when I had put together. I went through another halfway house, 3/4 house. Met a lot of

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:05:29

A couple months. And then I had hung out with some friends and I remember them convincing me to give me a bump of a Oxy which is [ __ ] up cuz they knew I was in a program but I remember like

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:05:49

And what's [ __ ] up is it always [ __ ] with me is that it was such a little amount that I didn't even get high.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:05:55

But it carried weight for the rest of that time in the halfway house. I remember being like, "You don't have 4 months clean.

You [ __ ] got high with this one.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:06:04

And my first overnight ever in the halfway house cuz you you in that halfway house, you couldn't get overnights until actually you made it to sober living. My first overnight ever, I drank

And the worst thing happened, Ken. I actually got away with it. I was kind of looked at as like the younger, you know, I'm 24 years old now at that time as like the model like resident. Like anytime they had like a newer guy coming in, they be like, "Oh, you should meet Jay. He's a barber. does graffiti like like praising me and that's when I first got the taste of like what disconnect feels like because that staff had helped me. So when I would when I was really clean, you know, I liked being around them and then they'd have a new resident come in.

They're like, "Oh yeah, [ __ ] Jay will show you around." I'm just like feeling like a bag of [ __ ] inside because now I'm drinking on the weekends.

Again, sick as the secrets you keep and it spiraled out of control. my girlfriend at that time who I ended up with for like seven years. So, we were in active addiction together in recovery, but we started doing like little check scams and boosting and this is all why I'm in a [ __ ] so. So, I'm in a so in Malden. It's 2004. And on Halloween, we end up painting this rooftop in Malden. It's above uh I forget what the bar was back then, but we we paint the roof, get away with it.

We're climbing down and this [ __ ] guy and this girl are getting into their car and he must have been an employee for the bar. He thought we were breaking into the building. So he yells up, "Hey, I see you, motherfuck." He starts talking [ __ ] and I'm with my buddy's younger. So he [ __ ] just sprints on the rooftop and because he did that, the guy kind of try to like catch up to him, went around the building. So I'm standing there, right?

I'm all coked up. I remember being like, "What the [ __ ] is going on?" He's cuz he's like, "I'm [ __ ] calling the cops." So you only got a few minutes. So my boy ends up being a diversion. He [ __ ] runs to the other side of the roof. I hear the fence jiggle. So I was like, "Oh shit." I give it a couple minutes and I go, "Fuck it." I do the same thing. And it's over by Malden High. And I [ __ ] hop the fence.

I jump down and I run. And most stories I have, I've gotten away. This isn't one of them, but I [ __ ] run my ass off. I go behind Malden High and there's this loading dock and there's like 10 barrels. There's like a [ __ ] U-Haul truck. And I go, "This is a great spot. But I told you I was on Coke. Yeah, that's ultimately how I got caught because I find the greatest [ __ ] hiding spot ever, a barrel. And I climb in the barrel and I just hide in there.

But now I start hearing sirens. So God knows only what that call sounded like. Guys are breaking in the building. And he he definitely didn't say there's two kids tagging the roof.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:08:31

So I'm hiding in this barrel and I'm coked up and I'm [ __ ] all nervous, right? Cuz I can't see. So now my my my senses

Yeah. heightened. I [ __ ] hear a cruiser pull up and I'm I remember peeking up and I do I see that it's a cruiser and I'm [ __ ] freaking out and I'm sitting there and you know I'm literally twitching. I remember being like I shouldn't have [ __ ] hid here and that cruiser takes off and I'm like all right I just got to wait it out here. Just wait it out here. Can two seconds later another [ __ ] cruiser pulls up. Except this time he gets out of the cruiser and I won't sit still.

So I climb up out of the barrel. He still don't see me. I creep up over by the U-Haul truck and I can hear the gravel. So that cop ends up [ __ ] He must have stopped and then heard my feet because all of a sudden I hear freeze [ __ ] and I'm freaking the [ __ ] out. I just listen I've been dealt with the cops enough to know I want them to see my hands.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:09:23

So when he turns around around that you all his guns drawn and I have my hands I go I got nothing.

Cuffs me and he searches and he [ __ ] pulls out. I had a drawing. I had a drawing in my pocket cuz earlier in the day I had done some another piece in East Boston.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:09:39

So I I I pressed my luck. You know what I mean? I'm doing [ __ ] illegal [ __ ] multiple times throughout the day while being in sober living

And he sees the drawing.

He crumbles it up. To to him that was nothing at the time.

Cuffs me up, puts me in the back.

And now they're driving over to where they thought we were breaking in. Yeah. By the time we pull up this [ __ ] Malden fire department up on the ladders with a couple of the cans in my head because we're normally good with taking the [ __ ] with us. Yeah. Somehow we left

And so they're piecing it together and they're like are they like I remember them like kind of talking [ __ ] to me. They're like wait you were up [ __ ] tagging the [ __ ] like basically you [ __ ] loser. Like yeah

You're 24 years old you're and I remember be feeling like this big but I'm like and they're like who are you up there with? We know there was two of you. I was like I was by myself and right they're like yeah they're like all right this kid ain't going to talk you know and they're [ __ ] bringing me to Malden Center and this other cruiser pulls up but they ended up catching my buddy and it was all it was funny to me cuz he's like oh I thought you were by I'm like whatever dude [ __ ] you guys knew there was two of us I'm just telling you I was by myself

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:10:42

So but they're like looking at me like yeah whatever. I'm like you definitely deal with people [ __ ] saying this [ __ ] to you all the time like I was by myself whatever. So, we're both in the holding tank and you know, my buddy Jimmy at the time was a lot younger. He starts talking [ __ ] to this cop. I'm just sitting there, bro. I'm 24 at the time. Been in and out of the system since I was 16. I'm like, "Just shut the [ __ ] up, Jimmy.

This kid's just full on talking [ __ ] to the cop." Oh, you go home and tell your wife you [ __ ] bully around 19-year-old kid. He's right. I'm like, "Dude, shut up. He's going to [ __ ] you up." They put us in separate cells. I'm sitting there and I'm like, you know, everything starts to wear off.

Yeah. Right. We were drinking the coke wears all

The reality of So I just caught a case in the same town I'm in sober living.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:11:26

This is going to make the paper at least the police. Right. I can't bail out. His mom comes and gets and bails him out. I got to go to court the next day, right? The [ __ ] sober house. Didn't even find out. But you know who found out that I caught that case? My [ __ ] mother.

Oh my god. The day later, my mom called. I [ __ ] seen your name in the paper. That's [ __ ] bad. I thought you weren't doing this graffiti no more. blah blah blah giving me [ __ ] right? I end up catching another case and now my [ __ ] addiction spirals out. So when you would ask me earlier in this conversation, did I ever go back to shooting dope? No, I actually the first time I ever got so even though I didn't really take it serious, I never went back to the needle and I never went back to dope, but I did go back to the oxies cuz this is now 2004.

And that spiraled into now, you know, boosting again, check scams, all this [ __ ] And ultimately it all came to a head in the beginning of 2005 at 25 years old. It's like you either gonna lean this way, you're gonna have to do a couple years or do you want to go back into recovery and you know tell them you need a program? I I got court stipulated to East Boston Rehab.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:12:36

Well they didn't give me the choice at first. So I had that vandalism case.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:12:41

Which for the graffiti and then I had a a stupid ass like drive suspended license. Okay.

But I had already had graffiti on my [ __ ] record from

I knew like all right if I get clean and I'm in a program they're most likely going to this case is going to ultimately end with saying like you got to be caught stipulated there. That is what ended up happening.

But I already wanted to be clean. So to me it was a win.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:13:08

Yeah it was East Boston rehab.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:13:10

It was another halfway house. So you have freedom but with rules. you know, you could you could have a car if you had one. You can work. You got to pay rent. You got to go to meetings. But I had taken all the good things from my first time in recovery and and realized, you know, like when we look back, we can always connect the dots going backwards. Like I seen where I [ __ ] up when I was younger and I just took it more serious.

I started going to meetings. I went to more men's meetings. I started hanging around guys that I looked up to.

Yeah. Picking their brains. You know, there was some guys with serious time. And you know, shout out to Johnny Fester and Billy. These guys have, you know, been both since passed, but they passed in recovery. They have some health issues. Um, completed the halfway house, went to the 3/4 house, and that's where I became, you know, acquainted with some guys that were on life parole. These guys were like, you know, had done 20, 30 years, and they were now on life parole. And, you know, they kind of looked out.

They kind of like, man, you're a talented barber. I see this stuff you do with spray paint. Like, you should should do something with this. And I had some other guys in my life at the time that were kind of nurturing me. You know, it makes sense. They seen a younger. I'm 25 years old. They see this talent. I was cutting hair doing all this [ __ ] And I really started taking their advice. You know, they're like, "I'm on [ __ ] life parole, man.

Like, if I [ __ ] up at any point at any point in the rest of my life, I'm fucked." And um I put eight eight and a half years together in recovery from that point. 25 to 33

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:14:37

No, I relapsed in 2013. I have 9 and a half years sober now.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:14:43

I picked up a drink after kind of drifting away from recovery and living unspiritual and in and out of the strip clubs and just I was living really unspiritual back then in and other strip clubs selling steroids [ __ ] just in the mix of a whole bunch of [ __ ] And ultimately it led me back to hanging around some guys I knew that drank and still were clubbing and selling drugs and you know I [ __ ] around and found out.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:15:14

I had been going out regularly. I just wasn't drinking. I actually didn't even have urges.

I was just in that lifestyle. But then it started to be, you know, relationship ended.

I had a lot of stuff going on. Yeah. Just life stuff. Relationship ends, friends passing away, and I ultimately was like, you know what? I I can I can handle drinking, which is [ __ ] up to have that kind of time. Yeah. Yeah, cuz a chunk of the eight and a half years was really ingrained in recovery, helping guys traveling. I started making it into magazine that the graffiti really took off. You know, I started I'm out of the country painting. Got invited to go to Canada and St.

Catherine Street. We're painting. We're doing all this cool [ __ ] and ego.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:15:53

I can handle drinking.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:15:54

My problem wasn't drinking. It's like, no, you're right, [ __ ] Your problem was Jay.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:16:08

Yeah.

Alcohol is going to do what it's going to do. Opiates are going to do what they're going to do. And none of them have jumped down my throat. I've always chose to pick them up.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:16:15

It's just that I justifiably was like, "Oh, it's just the drinking." But for me, it's always gone down this path where if I drink, it only takes one good hangover for me to say I need perks.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:16:26

Or or some type of opiate. And that's ultimately what that did. And I was in and out for three years.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:16:33

Oh, no. I went back to drinking, doing coke, back to percoetses, back to that. I just never went back to the needle. I never went back to heroin.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:16:41

After that,

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:16:45

2016, I had a friend that he never gave up on me. He was in recovery. He'd come to the barber shop once a week. Guy, his name was Greg King. Every Friday, this kid was booked for a haircut every week. And there's a men's meeting that I used to go to that helped me for years. That was my home group. So, I knew all the guys there. a lot of step work, meditation, all that. And he used to say like, "We miss you at that meeting.

We miss you." You know, and it used to hit me because it's like, "I'm [ __ ] up. I'm cutting his hair." And I'm just like missing that connection. When you know recovery works, you can never not know.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:17:18

You know, this information had come out after he passed. But he he definitely had dabble with getting high a couple times and didn't tell anyone.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:17:25

Ultimately, what took him out, he was supposed to read the eulogy at a girl's wake. This young girl had passed away from drugs. And I think the guilt and shame just got so much that, you know, he was supposed to read the eulogy. He had actually reached out to a close friend the night before and read what he wrote. Y

And he overdosed that night.

Jeez. The day that he overdosed, he had an appointment in my barber chair that day at 400 p.m. And I got the news at like say 11 12:00 during the day that my my little brother actually had called me and told me that he had passed away. And it [ __ ] me up. And from 4:00 until/4 or 5 that day, that open window, cuz I would do like half hour, 45 minute in increments for for appointments, I just sat there and cried. And you know, I remember just being like, I want to go back to that men's meeting.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:18:12

I want to get back to recovery. And it it sucks. And I've said it before and I'll say it again, but sometimes an addict's eyes closed for us to open eyes.

Yep. And you know, he finally, you know, um his his final breath and his final day, I just kept replaying that this kid kept [ __ ] asking me to come back to this meeting.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:18:30

And uh I knew that what was coming. I knew that there's a wake, right? There's a funeral. I went to his wake and I was crying. I had to see people in line that I've known for years that, you know, own treatment centers and [ __ ] work in treatment and living a great life. And I said, "I'm coming back." Two days later, I walked back into that men's meeting one day clean and I kicked cold turkey. I don't recommend it. It can be doable. I did.

I kicked cold turkey and and and part of me because I lived a good life and know that recovery works. Part of me was like, "You're going to [ __ ] earn it this time." And just like we spoke about earlier, all the greatest [ __ ] I have in my life right now is on the other side of fear and and doing tough [ __ ] And that was one of the toughest things to do

Is, you know, I raised my hand. I said, "I miss Greg." And I was crying and I was like, "But I'm grateful to be back." And that was November 9, 2016. So, God willing, this November, I have 10 years.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:19:40

We're actually in Nashville, New Hampshire. Process Recovery Center and Rise Above Soul Living.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:19:48

They can reach me at the back, which I'm sure we'll tag it in once we

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:20:22

I do cut not in a barber shop, but I actually will go to one of our detoxes and cut some of the clients that are coming in.

Oh. is like a service like a well I go there and I talk with them and and because a big part of how I transition into even working in treatment years ago was I was a barber in recovery so guys would come in you make them feel good you give them nice conversation you cut their hair

You're their [ __ ] therapist guys would tell me [ __ ] they don't even tell their wife

And they know that it doesn't leave that combo um yeah so I'll still cut clients hair and

You know I'm traveling a lot and doing a lot of stuff with the art and speaking and whatnot so but when I do have available time I do give, you know, the haircuts to try to make these guys feel better about themselves.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:21:32

Yeah. There's a style to it for sure. And that's

I just did this last week. I actually had six clients in the detox. We were playing music and it was a really good vibe cuz sometimes on that level of care. It's tough, man. They're coming off drugs. They they want to kind of sleep the day away. But

It was really nice to have a group of guys and it gave me the barberhop feel. They all were super grateful. They were all like very happy. And when they see what they look like and they said the same thing like you just said cuz I I'm not just a guy that knows how to cut hair. I was an actual bobber in the city. I cut hair in River and East Boston. You have to know how to fade.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:22:11

You're going to throw hands. I've seen barbers get slept.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:22:14

But to give them a nice fade and good conversation and plus it preps them because sometimes these guys are at the detox level and they're going to be coming to our program.

Yeah. So they see me as the guy that cuts hair and I let them know and I give them like an introduction like no I run group I do this with housing and

I do a bunch of a lot of stuff but it's it's ultimately I help them. That's that's what my job title is. You help these guys. You invest in them and you show them that recovery can be possible by showing them that your life shows that it's possible.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:22:42

It's a little bit of mixture of both. If it's on a bigger scale, it's based with spray paint and then I fine-tune it with the airbrush. Some of the canvas work, I might even use a brush to base it.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:23:04

Yes.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:23:07

I don't like to do that way cuz my means of creating are typically with aerosol and airbrush is just kind of mini spray paint.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:23:16

But yeah, I have done some brush stuff or letter work. Sometimes we've done some jobs where they might want, you know, like to do something like this that says like ride out, but maybe like a 3D. A lot of that would be more like brush work, but I tend to lean more towards doing artwork nowadays that I want to do, if that makes sense.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:23:32

I'm kind of blessed to be in a situation where I don't have to necessarily take on jobs that I don't want to paint, which wasn't always the case. Yeah.

Because if you want to pay the bills and eat through doing art, you're going to kind of take on whatever. And I've kind of honed it where I get to more so create what I want to create, which is [ __ ] it's a blessing. Yeah. It's funny you say that because that's how I describe myself now. Like, yes, I have to work, but I don't have to do things I don't want to do. I work on things that I enjoy that make me feel fulfilled.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:26:46

Well, there's the custom artwork and then there's the murals and there's I come in and do businesses. Like, I've done a lot of gyms, a lot of bodybuilding gyms, a lot of MMA gyms, boxing gyms. The best business cards word of mouth.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:26:58

In my experience.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:27:02

I did Mickey Woods. I did uh Broadway boxing. Yeah. I did Windsor boxing. I did Rea boxing.

I've done my buddy New England Top Team.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:27:11

No, that's insulty. Correct. Yes. I know some guys that boxed out of his gym.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:27:16

I'm doing, you know, uh Broadway boxing again. They want to add a bunch of portraits and it's just been and I relate to what you just said as far as it's credibility. It's building up a name. I'm grateful for the position I'm in with the treatment center because it allows me to be able to travel and do what I got to do. And some of the stuff that I, you know, do do I can do through the phone and helping different managers or people with behavioral stuff.

And obviously I run my groups that has to be, you know, in person. But I'm able to fluctuate with both careers and I've kind of mold them into one. Yeah.

And then with the art, like we had talked the first time, my goal is to definitely do some bigger projects a little bit more regularly.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:27:57

I've done some big projects. It's just they're a little spaced out for my liking.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:28:49

Yeah. Well, I'm doing a mixture of both, too. And that is a good way for business as far as that cuz you can just ship it. Someone can hold it up. They can put it in their office, their man cave, whatever it is.

That's one of the avenues for business. And then the murals. And then there's custom smaller, you know, like one of these walls. I'll come in and do like the logo for someone for the I'm in a taekwond do

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:29:09

Gym. And it's just uh I just did a boat.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:29:12

What's today? Wednesday. Monday, I painted a boat. I'll show you when we get off.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:29:17

It's a fishing boat.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:29:19

Guy gets it painted every year, but this year he wanted it to be different and more like graffiti style. Most boats don't have it like that.

So, we did a skull head with a pirate hat grabbing on the American flag. One did it one day. Me and my buddy SW

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:29:35

No, we did the back on the side. It takes up almost the whole side. The guy was absolutely blown away. He got it clear coated and it's dropping in the 18th. He does cha fishing. Yeah, he [ __ ] loves it. So, out of Hampton.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:30:34

Over the years, I've done a few like flash work where they ended up getting like some graffiti style lettering that I did, but I try to stay away from that. It's not really like what I'm into.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:30:45

I like doing more custom being able to be creative with certain clients. That's the best where you're like, we got this as a theme and then run with it and it always comes out the best.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:31:17

Absolutely.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:31:19

Helping run the treatment center, dealing with housing, sober living. I speak I run my groups. I'll still do some service and go around and speak, you know, different meetings or I just spoke at a convention down in um Ocean City, Maryland.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:31:32

Yeah, that was really cool. He had heard uh the podcast I did uh the Rise Above one out of Florida. He had heard seen that episode, hit me up, and they flew me down there to do be the main speaker for that convention, which was pretty badass.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:31:47

It was actually really cool. We spent the weekend down there. I did mini golf, played trivia, was right by the ocean, you know, paid for the room,

Ocean view. It was nice.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:31:57

Met a lot of people. And that's been the big goal for this year was bigger projects like we discussed and speaking more. Whether it's podcast, it's just service work, just being able to travel, spread my story, and then create for people.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:32:46

And it is true with the pres. So, I did um Nashville Street Jail in Boston a couple years ago and one of the most moving things that happened is so they they're bringing all the different floors down, right? All the different units. And I leaned to the guy I'm doing it with and I was like, "They want to be in this room, right?" And he goes, "Oh, yeah. This is voluntary. They So, right off the rip, I already know, right? Cuz you're bringing them in. There's the gang unit.

There's It's a rough crowd, but I'm liking it."

And when you look to the left, Charles Town's right there.

Yeah. So part of my story is not only getting high in those projects, it also if you look a little more to the left is the old school redemption center.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:33:23

That's where we used to paint trains. So I already know where I'm going to segue into when I'm speaking with them. And I would never think that it was going to go this way.

One, you're in a jail so I can be way more raw when I'm speaking.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:33:35

And this dude comes up to me after, black dude, bunch of face hats, gang member. He pulls me aside and he goes, "I just want to let you know, you know, I'm a tattoo artist and I've, you know, always wanted to do something with my life like with that, but like drugs and street [ __ ] and you've inspired me to go back to my cell to draw." And this was a few years ago, so there was still like um some effects from co as far as trial and he's like, you know, I already been in for two years.

He's like, I don't even know when the [ __ ] it could be another year. But he was almost in tears because I went so much into the art and was like, I would never [ __ ] think, man, that when I was younger and doing this [ __ ] over here and I could look to the left and see this and now I'm talking to you guys that anything's possible and I'm just a creative type. And I pursued my dreams and I started to think of what I want my life to look like.

And recovery granted me that opportunity doing step work, changing how the [ __ ] I internalize things as a man. Instead of being this scared little boy, I turned into this kind of like badass guy. And what I mean by badass is I went towards everything I was scared of.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:34:38

That's the badass [ __ ]

But yeah, it always resonated with me cuz he said, "I'm going back to myself to draw

And I don't even give a [ __ ] when I'm getting out. That's making me want to lean into being an artist." And it was a really dope like bonding experience.

Then I also have gone to Strafford County, which is in New Hampshire, which our program works with them. We get guys out of Strafford County to come to our treatment facility. And I've gone there to speak. And not only was there some guys I already had known that were in there when I walked in is they lock you in this unit with them and the first thing I did was I went around individually to every single guy and shook their hand and you could see a couple of them weren't used to guys doing that.

Yeah. One I want to connect with you right off the rip and show you.

Even though I get to leave when I'm done speaking and you don't.

What was moving after the the last time I did it is that there's a couple guys that were like I I still have to do some time but I think we're going to come to your program after. And I was like here's the best thing. I'm not here to sell you my Yeah. the program. I'm not I don't do BD. I'm don't do business development. I'll help a guy get into another place if they ultimately have Right.

I said, "But you can connect with me when you get out." Cuz he's like, "I [ __ ] with what you're saying. Like, I want to do this." And I try to motivate people, you know? I'm not trying to get everyone to be an artist. Exactly.

I'm trying to get everyone to lean into what the [ __ ] they really like.

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:35:52

Just like you said, so there's freedom cuz I know some people that really enjoy what they like. They might not make as much as they did when they had their own company. Y

Jason "J-Mac" McDonald1:37:02

Boom. Thank you.