The Olympian Who Nearly Died Making Weight

Danny O'Connor1:43

Yeah. Uh so I stepped on a wrestling mat freshman year of high school. First time I really even heard about wrestling. I didn't even know about the sport until I until I went to the high school. And uh man, when I stepped on the mat, I have never felt like I was meant to to do anything uh except for wrestle in my life. I like a fish to water, you said, like I I took to it right away. And um the type of personality that I am that you know when when I when I like something, it's it's everything.

So, uh I narrowed all my athletics down to just wrestling and it was all day every day. Um I didn't play any other sports. I didn't there was no more season because now I was wrestling during the season. I was wrestling off season. I made the national teams and a couple state teams and I became a division one state champion after only a year on the mat. So uh I kind of like had a very quick rise from you know never doing it to doing it and all my attention focused.

I mean it was my life. I I absolutely loved wrestling.

Danny O'Connor2:46

Yeah. There was only one cuz back in the day before my time there was two.

There was like a north and south but when I went there was only one.

Danny O'Connor2:55

Uh they were rebuilding. We had a brand new coach. It was his first year my first year. And that coach then went on to win multiple state championships. Framingham had a powerhouse wrestling team for a while. Uh but when I first uh signed up it it was like a rebuilding.

Danny O'Connor3:22

I pinned the senior captain because we were in this weight class. So I pinned him to make the varsity team my freshman year.

Danny O'Connor3:45

Yeah. And I I had to beat him multiple times because every time you have a match, you wrestle off. So it's not like you just win once and you're on vars. So you have to do it every week to maintain that spot. So

Danny O'Connor3:56

Uh he was a he was a great captain. He he he did what captains do. He was for the team and um he might have moved around a little bit because you can go up a weight class once and you know. So

I mean I just I just took to it like a like you said a fish to water. I mean, I I absolutely felt like I was put on this earth to be a wrestler.

Danny O'Connor4:16

112.

Danny O'Connor4:25

That's a hard question because my childhood, man, that I mean, my whole life was chaotic, but the most chaotic, the most that I look back and I'm like, "Oh, man. And I I can't believe that was like that that childhood span of like, you know, 13 years old to 18. That that time in my life was really really chaotic at a young age. And so I don't even really know what I weighed when I walked. I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about my weight, my hormones, food, nutrition, weight classes.

I didn't know anything. All I knew was I had to be a number on a scale. And I just the type of person I am, I'm going to be that number every all the time. All the time. I'm going to be that number forever. And if I get away from that number, I'm going to get back to it. And so that's all I knew about weight classes and the sport. And back then there wasn't a lot of there's a lot more information now about cutting weight and weight classes and nutrition and stuff.

And so back then we're talking about like, you know, I graduated high school in 2003. So, you know, you're talking about a couple years before that, whatever. So there wasn't a ton of information about, you know, cutting weight and all that stuff. And so I I I wasn't really exposed to anything. I just did the things that I did in reality because when you're weighing yourself 50 times a day, you start to see fluctuations in your body. And like, you know, like, okay, well, if I sweat, I lose weight.

If I don't eat, I lose weight. If I go to the bathroom, I lose weight. If I eat too much, I gain weight. So like you can start seeing these these fluctuations and that's what I was obsessed. I mean absolutely.

Danny O'Connor6:13

Making it up on the fly. I used to steal laxatives pharmaceuticals from the back of the there was a Walgreens from the from my house to the high school. There was a Walgreens in the middle and I used to steal laxatives and I was scared to buy them because as a 15year-old kid I thought that the adult store person would rat me out to the wrestling coach or to my parents and and wouldn't allow me to wrestle. And the same thing with boxing. I always viewed the things I was doing or ultimately the eating disorder later was going to prevent me from doing the thing that I love to do.

So I would steal these laxatives. Some nights I would take three times the recommended dose.

Danny O'Connor6:57

I'm not sure. I don't know. And again, like we're talking about, you know, years and years ago when I was a child. I'm not sure. I can just remember walking into Walgreens and and taking them. They were these little like um these little brown the little brown pills, Dax. And I used to also use that bathroom to then hide from everyone else when I had to use those laxatives. You know what I mean? So, um, man, those laxatives were were were cuz you got to think, I wasn't just trying to excrete fluid from my body.

Danny O'Connor7:56

No, my my parents are like your typical like Boston parents old school like they love me very much. They supported me in the ways that they knew how. They put me in sports and you know they they they tried to give me a life that maybe that they didn't have and they tried to like just hide me from the cruelties of the world. like like my parents are my biggest support system. My mom has scrapbook after scrapbook of every accolade since you know te-ball that she's kept to me.

So my parents are really really great parents. They they actually live with me now in the in-law suite. Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah. They they moved uh

They gave up their life back home to come and be a part of the grand kids' lives. I was so focused and disciplined on the goal that I wanted, which was be a state champ, go to Iowa and be an NCAA champ that I was willing to do anything for that by myself.

Danny O'Connor8:52

Straight down because the weight tactics I used took such a toll on me. Such a toll on me. I mean, I would go to school and literally put my head down on the desk lifeless because I hadn't drinking water in days or I was wearing my sweatuit or I was trying to make weight or I was just skipping school altogether to go run with my sauna suit on to make weight after school for the for the weigh-in or the next day or whatever it may be because back then we had two weigh-ins.

You had the weigh-in in the morning and then you had another weigh-in in the afternoon right before the wrestling match. So sometimes depending on what my weight was for the first one, I might have to skip school all day, run in my sauna suit, lose a couple pounds to make the weight for the second time just so that I could go wrestle. So like I said before, my focus on was nothing but wrestling. It wasn't and and I was almost an honoral student. Merritt means I was one grade away from honor roll.

Danny O'Connor9:47

You know what I mean? So, I was a student athlete and I was so focused on wrestling, so focused on the weight management, so focused on on my my my goal and my dream that nothing else mattered. Nothing. Not school, not relationships, not anything. Um, and ultimately that extreme discipline took a toll on me because when I wasn't fulfilling the grades, now I couldn't wrestle.

Yeah. And they came down a little bit. When I dropped out of school and blew up my life, it happened overnight. But the grades did come down a little bit gradually. They they you know there was people around trying to help. They were trying to give me extra work and sometimes I would make an effort to do it and then it just wasn't enough. And so I, you know, it started off getting suspended for a week and then coming back and then getting suspended for another week for academics, then coming back until ultimately it was honoral to failing every single class to dropping out.

And that happened in less than a year, six month period.

Danny O'Connor10:55

Oh man, they they were telling me from day one to get a handle on stuff. They definitely were. They they they they were worried, you know? I remember when the school had a meeting like like, "Okay, what are we going to do here?" You know what I mean? You you're getting suspended, you're coming to school, you're doing in-house suspension for weeks, then you get suspended. Like, what are we going to do here?

Are we going to go to this alternative school? And I remember my parents had to come and and be with the meeting. And everybody's worried. all these adults are are worried because you think about it you know it's a tight community back there like coming from Boston like

You know people knew me people knew my family I had I had all these kids that I grew up with from from the sandbox that you know their parents could see me then when I started getting arrested I'm you know I'm in the police beat and all like the people that know me see me so the whole world saw me blow up

Danny O'Connor11:58

I remember that meeting about the school. I didn't say one word, nothing. Even when the teachers talked to me, I just sat there and looked at him. I don't think that I I don't know. Like you got you got to think I'm 41 now. This is 16, you know, 16 years old. I don't know. All I know is I was too overwhelmed with everything with with life with just a normal, you know, growing up, women life, you know, adolescence that on top of wrestling, right? I became a state champ right away.

So now there was a little bit more pressure to do it again. The weight cutting 100%. It took my motivation and energy for life right away. I mean, think about not eating for days, weeks, skipping water for multiple days. Like, it takes everything away. So, then you start getting in trouble. Now you're sliding down the hill. So, it's just more pressure mounting. You're failing grades. You're getting in trouble. Now, ads start getting arrested. I had never been in trouble in my life. And now I'm getting arrested every weekend for fighting, for doing all these things.

And it just it's adding and adding and adding and adding. And I'm not listening to anybody. Nobody. There's nobody that could have told me something in that time that would have changed anything. And that's it's sometimes it's a bad trait. And I've learned to be more open to listen to people and to see all the different things. But but back then I was just, you know, a stubborn young kid and I didn't listen to people. I The biggest thing is I never thought about the future.

Not when I stepped on the scale. Not when I, you know, manipulated my body to make weight. Not when I ate all these substances or got in trouble. I never thought about the future. I didn't care. And as things started mounting, it just got worse and worse and worse until, you know, I was on that point where, okay, we're at a crossroads now, buddy. You're either going down this road and you're never coming back or you got to go down a different road. And that's when I that's when I found boxing.

Danny O'Connor15:36

I dropped uh I think it was like the end of junior. I mean I was suspended and and off the wrestle mat and barely in school for majority of junior year. Yeah.

So figure like sophomore year I I win the state championship sophomore year.

Danny O'Connor15:49

Junior year it all goes to [ __ ] and I'm and I'm in and out.

Senior year I'm completely gone. And we had a redirect redirection program in Framingham which was an alternative school and that was downtown. It was the campus um and it was for the kids that couldn't function in traditional school and it was like a set different thing. So

It caught me allowed me to still graduate high school and the principal in in that program, Miss Lamb, I still talk to her to this day was a godsend. She was she was there for all the kids. She was a loving, nurturing figure that took all these kids who were coming out of jail or, you know, whatever. And she cared for those kids and she tried to give them education. And so I got really lucky in the sense that there were good people around me trying to to steer me.

And that alternative program caught me before there was nothing, before it was just the street. Because at this time, I had left home. Like that's the other thing, too. Like I'm embarrassed. I don't like the person that I am. Even though I'm young, I may not know why or what, but I know I don't like this. This isn't me. I'm an athlete. I'm always an athlete. Even if I wasn't on the mat, I'm an athlete. And so, I didn't like any of this stuff. I didn't like getting in trouble.

I definitely did not like doing substance. That was one thing I always look back now and I say, man,

That [ __ ] was crazy. You know, I could have killed myself at any given time. Not only like look at what I did to my body at such a young age. Now, like I won't even take Tylenol. I am so careful with what goes in my body, what goes on my body. And it's from times like that that I look back and it's like, you know, I'm drinking multiple bottles of Robitussin and operating a motor vehicle. Like it it the the times were insane and and I'm lucky that I'm still alive because I look back at my group friends and all these people and a lot of them aren't.

A lot of the people that I came through that did the same crazy stuff are not here anymore. And so whenever I have a conversation with someone from from back home, from childhood, it always comes to the same point. Man, that [ __ ] was crazy. We had a crazy childhood. Yeah, I know.

Danny O'Connor18:01

I'm not sure. Uh it it was after wrestling was gone. It was after wrestling was gone. Um, and it it was the environment I was around, right? I was in this new environment with these new friends. I was around drugs. I was around drinking. I was around getting in trouble. I was around doing [ __ ] that I shouldn't have been doing. And I didn't care about life. I didn't care about myself. And then I became that environment. And so when I look at like the substance, it's just so crazy because I didn't have like a drug of choice.

I just didn't care about life. So I would do anything. I mean, there was a time when I took hundreds of milligrams of aderall and I didn't even know what it was. I just down the hatch. And I swear to you, it was just such a chaotic time between the amount because any, like we talked about before, I don't do anything small. So, if I'm drinking a beer, I'm going out and drinking 30 beers. Like, I don't do anything little. So when I'm taking all these sub I remember one time I was in the school parking lot huffing chemicals in the car ether like I was a scene out of Breaking Bad.

Danny O'Connor19:08

And I'm 17 years old and I have no business. I don't even know where those chemicals came from. They probably came from, you know, Benny down the street making it with gasoline in his house, right? And so like

I put myself at such risk. Um, and I, you know, I just I I blew up in in in such a such a big way in front of my whole community.

Danny O'Connor19:42

So, again, like wrestling, being a state champ and boxing, it was a small time. It was about, you know, junior year maybe to a little after senior year. It was a short period, but in that period it was crazy. And so once I started getting in trouble,

I was getting in trouble everywhere. I mean, I have a lifetime ban at Boston College, UMass, um, Framingham State, and Westfield State. Lifetime ban. Can never go back

Danny O'Connor20:14

And I started getting in trouble all over the state. You know, I'm getting arrested in Framingham. I'm getting arrested over here. I'm getting arrested in Boston. So,

Danny O'Connor20:23

They're not I'm not around. I didn't go home. I never went once once I left school. I left home, too.

Danny O'Connor20:28

You know what I mean? I'm living with with other kids that either have apartments or, you know, I'm I'm I'm living that lifestyle, man. Honestly,

And when I look back now, I was probably embarrassed. Like, that wasn't me. You know what I mean? I was probably embarrassed. And,

You know, I was never proud of who I was or what I was doing. So, you know, obviously if you understand the judicial system, getting in trouble by itself is not a good thing, but when you start getting in trouble while you're in trouble and while you have open cases,

It becomes even a a bigger issue. And so,

I had just kept by the grace of God not being sentenced to jail. And that doesn't mean I wasn't in jail. There was many nights that I ended up, you know, cuffed up at the police station all night, patty wagon to the courthouse on the van with all the inmates, waiting till the afternoon to go up in front of the judge. Um, but I never got an official jail sentence of, hey, this is your last warning. You have a year over here, whatever. And everybody around me was, my best friend was already in Billerica for x amount of time.

And so, like, I knew it was coming. Like, there like you're going down that path. And if you go down it, there's only outcomes in a couple different areas, right? So, I ended up in front of a judge one time and there were serious charges. It was assault and battery with a deadly weapon because it was always fighting. It was I always find myself fighting and it was it was a lot of dumb stuff. I'm going to break these windows or do this destructive [ __ ] because I'm blowing up and I'm mad at the world and but

Danny O'Connor22:02

You know what I mean? Any type of fighting is serious and that's coming from a professional fighter. I don't like fighting, man. And it hurts people. People get hurt. And so,

You know, I was I'm starting to rack up these charges. Assault and battery. Assault and battery with a deadly unarmed robbery one time they gut me with in Boston. And so now these charges are are are very very serious. And so I'm standing in court and you know I had a court I didn't have any money. I didn't have any support because I'm not even telling my parents when I'm going to court. One time I told my dad about court and he and he showed up to sit and be with me.

But outside of that, I'm not telling no one. I'm just living my life like I'm an adult, but I'm only 17 years old being a maniac, right?

And I'm I'm just like I I'm going to jail right now. Like this is insane. I'm going to go to jail because I had a court appointed lawyer. I didn't have any money. And I definitely don't think that he was interested in going above for me. Um and so, you know, the judge, grace of God, I didn't go to jail that day. I did get a conviction on my record though, a permanent conviction for a misdemeanor assault, which then sparked me like, "Oh no, I got this this thing that now is going to, you know, follow me for the rest of my life." And that judge told me straight out like, "Oh, man.

If I ever see you again, you're going to jail for a long time." And so I walked I walked out of that courthouse being like, I don't know what I want, but what I do know is I don't want to sit in a cell for the rest of my life, man. I do not like that is not me. I do not want to be in jail. And I never liked getting in trouble. I hated it. I hated getting in trouble. I hated being, you know, in jail going to court.

It's the worst feeling ever standing in front of that judge knowing that he has the power to take your freedom away and put you in a place that's even more disturbing than standing in the courthouse in front of the judge. Right. So like I knew like something has to change, man. Like I have to do something.

Danny O'Connor23:52

I need to do something. And so I walked into a police athletic league boxing gym. They had one in Framingham. It was free to the community, so I didn't have to pay. I walked into that gym.

Danny O'Connor24:04

I was 19 at this time. Okay. First time I put on a pair of block boxing gloves was 2005.

Danny O'Connor24:28

Against me in that time for all different cases. So it was like my 30th chance.

Um but you know I don't remember specifically like where I went or what I did but I do remember that my mindset was completely different when I left when I left court that day and I knew I needed to something. I just didn't know what that was. I went back into my normal life and and so the way that I found boxing, I always credit this to a kid back home that I still know. We were drunk one night and I had a pair of boxing wraps and I was rapping them and I said, "You know what?

I might start boxing and the kid next to me laughed at me with like with a little chuckle like but to me I took it as like what do you mean? You don't think I could do it? Like you're laughing at me because I can't be a boxer?" And I showed up at the boxing gym the next day. So I credit walking into the boxing gym to that story. I don't know the time period of how much after um leaving the court, but I can tell you this.

Once I walked into that gym overnight, stopped hanging out, stopped using drugs, stopped drinking, stopped hanging out on the street, everything. I lived in that gym. And it's like my Mr. Miyagi. It was this Puerto Rican guy, Pablo, and he was old. And he was like the the guy at the gym. And he held Mitch for me every day. And he spent hours in there with me. He worked housekeeping at the hospital at Frame Union

And he would meet me before his shift. He would meet me at lunch. He would meet me after. And I didn't think nothing about fighting. I wasn't like signing up to like, you know, go fight in the ring.

I liked how training made me feel. I felt like an athlete again. I was feeling good. I was in the gym. I was hitting the mitts. I was learning, right? Because boxing is a very cerebral sport. So, I'm learning everything. And I'm just like, you know, it's making me feel good now. I feel real good. And um it was a fast shift. Again, I made the Olympic team 2 years. 2007 is when you made the team cuz we made it a year before the games in 2008.

So 2005 when the first time I put on a pair of gloves to 2007, I made the Olympic team. It was another fast rise. And again, now it's a complete opposite. Now I'm in the newspaper because I'm being promoted as this local hero. I'm at the police athletic league who are now sponsoring me when only a year ago I'm they're arresting me and like the the way I viewed it is like it was a really special thing because you know I had a good story for all these kids that were living in the same community as me is like hey if you doesn't matter what you're doing if if you want to change and do something better you can.

And so like I cherish that like you know being in Sports Illustrated as a face in the crowd and like being in the Metro West all the time and it it it grew right. It went from like local to to state to national and so like it was just like one extreme to the next to the next.

Danny O'Connor27:24

Yes, I won the New England Golden Gloves the first time I entered. really in the open or the novice?

I won the novice the first year, then I won the open the next couple years.

Danny O'Connor27:33

140.

Danny O'Connor27:39

Yeah. And it was a little bit like because you know Mickey Ward's the man. I love Mickey.

Danny O'Connor27:44

I love Mickey and you know he he'll tell you reality about boxing. I I tried to listen to him as much as I could because he'll tell you reality good and bad. And that's what I always like to see. What's the bad? But, you know, new to the scene, don't know anything. That novice Golden Gloves, I'm fighting like his nephew or somebody. He's like over there and I'm like, "Holy [ __ ] dude." Like, that was Mickey Ward. And so, anyways, I go on and I beat I beat his nephew or whoever it was, his cousin, you know, everyone's related.

But, um, and so, yeah, I just burst on. And that was only,

You know, timeline's the hardest thing. I think you probably know that from the book. Timeline's like my timeline's nuts. But it wasn't that long. It was a, you know, couple months or whatever. a couple months after I started boxing that then I started competing. Once I started competing, I did like it. Boxing as a professional sport in business is very much different than the amateur sport of boxing. And so in amateurs, I loved it. when I made the Olympic team, when I made the USA team and I got to go to Russia and Dominican Republic and London and I got to represent USA wearing the the blue and red and you know compete against these other countries.

I loved it and I viewed it as like a competition like how good am I, how good are you and once I started competing and and and getting that competition uh Olympic gold medal that's it that was it. That's that was the goal. Boom. I'm very goal oriented like wrestling. I knew I wanted to be the state champ. I knew I wanted to go to to NCAA. That's the other thing. That was a big I used to sleep with a Iowa single on every night. I watched VHS of the old Iowa Dan Gable, everybody.

When I knew that I couldn't go to Iowa anymore, that was a big factor because that was a goal that I wanted to accomplish that I felt like was it was a result of my actions, but also I didn't understand like who cares about my grades? I could still wrestle like why does it matter? Wrestling is you know what I mean? So that was a big aspect in the in the early part too was now I knew I wasn't going to Iowa. I wasn't going to be an NCAA champion.

The rest of my life that I had planned out was now not going to be that.

You know what I mean? So, um, it it it was fast.

Danny O'Connor30:26

Yeah. I mean, I didn't really do any boxing. Then nobody hit me back. Even though I was training, I was still like, you know, you were spotting right from the jump.

Yeah. Doing drills, like seeing what it was. And um I got in with a lot of people that I wasn't as experienced with them,

But I also held my own. And so I don't like getting hit, right? I was a very defensive fighter. The one thing that I will always remember is walking into the gym and seeing a couple of the old-timers and the way their gate was, the way they talked, the way they they acted. And I just thought to myself like I I don't want to get hit. I don't want to get punched in my head. Like I don't I'm going to And the thing about boxing that always intrigued me was the art of it, right?

Like I'm going to hit you without getting hit and I'm going to be smooth. And so I looked at at at people that box like that and that's what I emulated. So, I was never trying to get hit. I was trying to be the as defensive. And later in my pro career, it did hurt me for being too defensive, but I never wanted to get hit. But on the other end, you know, and it's a false sense of toughness in boxing. I can take a punch.

It's not going to hurt me. I'm tough. In actuality, it doesn't even matter. Don't take a punch. It's boxing. Don't give up a point. Don't get hit. Right. But in boxing, in the culture, especially back then, it's like a kind of backwards thing. So I could take a great punch and I could be in there and I could be tough with anybody in the ring,

But that's not how I wanted. That wasn't my game plan of fighting, especially once I started getting to those higher levels where you have to really it has to be strategy. Like when you're fighting a Cuban and they have the Cuban style and it's about strategy and game plan, like you have to be sp smart in the ring. And so I tried to limit as much damage as I that I could have throughout my career through amateurs and the professionals. Even in the professionals, I didn't like sparring back-to-back days.

I didn't like not wearing head gear or big gloves. I always had PPE. Um, I always I mean, it's fighting. You're going to get punched in your face. Like, that is the sport. But I tried to limit it and and allow myself to recover in between so that I could limit that damage for when I when I got older. I mean, now I am thinking about the future, you know what I mean? And so, I tr I always fought defensively. Um, very very a very slick style.

Kind of like a Paul Spadafora, you know, like I'm not getting hit much. I'm very accurate. I'm very fast. I'm landing punches. Um, and that's, you know, that did change a little bit into the pros. My style changed a couple different times. A couple times I wish I didn't change it. Um, but for the most part, I tried to limit as much as much punishment as I could.

Danny O'Connor33:22

Yeah, I was I was an outcast for sure because even before the trials when I made the um like the when I got to be a part of the USA team and go on these trips,

Those kids like we talked about Demetrius Andrade like you know a lot of those kids had come through the juniors together. They knew each other from 5, 6, 8, 10 years old. They they already had relationships. And so when I came on the scene and I was older, right? Like I'm 19, 20, 21. These kids are younger. So like when I came on the scene, I kind of was an outcast. Like I didn't really know any of them. And nobody knew me. Like when I went to the Olympic trials, nobody knew me.

Danny O'Connor34:58

No, he beat me by one point at the US Nationals. And I felt that it was an unfair decision.

Danny O'Connor35:04

I felt like I I had won that fight. And that was only like right before the the uh trials. So it was only like a couple months before the trials.

And so um I knew that like I'm going to have to fight I'm going to have to fight him again. I knew that. I knew that coming in. Um

And I had two really tough fights my first two fights at the Olympic trials. Um they were, you know, they were seasoned in experienced guys and um you know I I beat both of them to go on and then I lost to Javier Javier Molina from California who was the Olympian.

Danny O'Connor35:42

Uh yes

Danny O'Connor35:44

A month before the Olympic Games in 2008.

Yeah. when when I was on because you made the Olympic team in 2007 then you have a year to train together and during that year you're also on the US national team so we're going to go everywhere. So like I went to Russia to fight Russia.

Danny O'Connor36:00

I fought Dominican Republic a month before the 2008 games

In Chattanooga.

Danny O'Connor36:06

And I handled that guy like it it was like a lot to a little. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I just had a very good style that was opposite of his style. Um, he wasn't the Olympian yet, but I got to watch him win a gold medal in Beijing in my weight class after you had beaten

One month after I had beat him.

I got to watch him win a gold medal.

Danny O'Connor36:29

Cuz I'm a competitor. You have no idea how much I wanted to fight in those Olympic games. That's I've been watching the Olympics since I'm I was a little Brulon gardener. Like I just wanted that gold medal and I wanted to fight. And the fact that I was there was an amazing experience. Still to this day, I talked to my wife, I'm like, "Man, it's kind of a little bit crazy. I went to the Olympics. Like, it was a little bit nuts." And it was such a like amazing experience, but I couldn't compete.

And that will always stick me because I'm such a competitor and I wanted that gold medal. And it was like, you know, I look back at it, it was like a couple degrees of separation, you know, just missed it.

Yeah. which is kind of the theme of my life when you look at the WBC belt, right? Just missed it.

Danny O'Connor37:17

Yeah. And the only one to medal I think was Deontay Wilder which was the heavy. Yeah. Yeah. And he he has an incredible story too with his daughter and you know he he came out of nowhere too as well like he was driving for a beer company and then so uh

Danny O'Connor37:32

Yeah. Just so much power man. and uh

And so he was the only one that won a won an a bronze medal at that Olympics.

Danny O'Connor37:42

It it was I feel like it was uh it was not what was expected of that team because we had so many studs. We had like um

Demetrius Andrade, right? And he was a world champion at that time. He had won the world already. So he was unbelievable. We had Rau'shee Warren. We had Gary Russell Jr. Um

Sean Porter was another alternate with me that we hung out the whole time. So like we had a really talented and stacked team that year that you know just just how the cards fell it didn't work out the way that that we thought it might have.

Danny O'Connor38:20

Yeah. And a lot of those kids went on to do like Deontay Wilder multiple world champion you know like a lot of those kids a lot of money.

Yeah. A lot of those kids went on to do great stuff in professional sports.

Danny O'Connor38:32

Absolutely

Danny O'Connor38:37

Well, after the Olympic trials, because I was the alternate, there was like a conversation like, "All right, well, I'm I'm older. I don't have a ton of experience. Do I want to stay and go to the Olympics or do I want to just turn pro now and get my career going?" And so I opted to stay because I wanted to go to the Olympics. I didn't care if I wasn't fighting. I wanted to be a part of that. I wanted to do it.

When I came back at the Olympics is when I decided like, all right, you know, cuz I still didn't really know like, you know, I'm just doing this because it saved my life. I love it. Now I'm like excelling in it. But I still wasn't committed. Like, am I going to turn pro and be a professional boxer for the rest of my life? Like, is that what I want to do? At the Olympics is when I was like, "Yeah, this is this is what I want to do, man.

Like, I'm going to do this. And when I come back, I'm going to turn pro. So, as soon as I came back, I turned pro. I signed a contract with a with like a a like a middlegrade promotion company out of Florida. Um,

Danny O'Connor39:34

It was Warriors Boxing at that time. And it was um it was run by this guy Leon. And um you know, a lot of my early my early fights were down there at the Hard Rock in um where's a Hollywood, right? So um

Danny O'Connor39:54

So the way that I and this is what I was talking about before to separate them. The way that I made weight and manipulated my body and how I cut weight was one thing. The eating disorder like a clinically diagnosed eating disorder was a separate thing. And so even though this thing created that thing and developed it and all the habits, right, the way that I cut weight was the same unhealthy. I put my life at risk acutely, but my control was still there. That's how I view the eating disorder and everything was the control.

When I now could not control an action that I was so desperately trying to control, that's the line that I say, okay, this is when the eating disorder progressed to a stage where it was out of control. that came in 2000 about 2013. It actually came a little bit sooner, but I always just thought I had control like, oh, maybe not now in this moment, but I'll get it tomorrow. You know what I mean? But 2013ish is when I was like, all right, this is out of control.

But before that time, all the way from wrestling, I still manipulated my body, making weight with sauna suits, with laxatives, with starving, with dehydrating, colonics, whatever it may be. So, I was still using all these same tactics throughout my whole career, all the way until I didn't box it again, right? Mhm.

The problem was when the eating disorder progressed, when the eating disorder became more out of control, and when the weight fluctuations up and down became more intense and and higher because of that eating disorder, then the weight tactics got more dangerous because it was more there were some nights I was taking 20 pounds off overnight. You know, the time I went to the ICU, I took 12 off the morning of. They were training because you got to understand, I fought at 140, right? my whole career from 2005 until 2023 when I stepped out of the sport.

Um I fought at 140. So it didn't matter, you know, if the eating disorder, depending on where it was, if it went, you know, if say I gained weight to 160 or if I gained weight to 175, there have been times when I've been 200 lb, it didn't matter what I went up to because then I had to take it off. So, these weight fluctuations in this yo-yo diet became incredibly insane. The weight shifts that I was taking off were insane. And the more the eating disorder got, the more those shifts were happening in like a short period of time.

In my early career, when I could, you know, okay, so I'm I'm I'm undisiplined out of training camp. I feel like I'm not boxing. I can do whatever I want. I'm going to drink some beer. I'm going to eat pizza. I'm gonna do all the things that I'm not going to do in training camp because my discipline is 100%. Then I go to training camp and my discipline is 100, you know, but maybe I gain, maybe I'm 170. I take all that weight off in whatever training camp is 6 weeks, 8 weeks.

It's not healthy. I do the same tactics, but I make weight and then I go back. The problem was when the binge eating episodes happened and I couldn't control them and they came randomly and they were mixed into camp. Now those weight fluctuations were happening in camp up and down up and down up and down and the weight depending on where they were. If it was way up, it had to come off by a specific time. So the more the eating disorder progressed, the more the weight tactics I used became even more unhealthy and put my life at even more risk.

Danny O'Connor43:31

Yeah. I started at the PAL, but they were they were a small like it it there was no one competing out of there. It was just an environment for kids to come. As I progressed, I kind of outgrew places. So, I I you know, I left Framingham to train in Worcester because now they had more people and they had higher level. And then, you know, I I leave there and I go to Boston. And so I trained around Boston and I was at like Peter Welch's gym.

And then from there the progression is I went to train with Demetrius. Demetrius and his dad, right? He's he's the guy. He he's one of the best of the world. Mhm. Okay.

So now I'm driving to Providence every day living in in Framingham back and forth to Providence every day training. And when I turned pro was with Demetrius's dad and another guy and we turned pro and I was with I was with them probably until uh until my 14th fight.

My 14th professional fight. I was training um out of Rhode Island

Danny O'Connor44:28

13-0.

Danny O'Connor44:33

After my 14th fight because that was my first professional loss.

Okay. I had manipulated myself by starving and dehydrating for so long and so disciplined because I knew that that was my opportunity. That was like the big fight I was waiting for, right? I was fighting another kid from New York who was undefeated. And that was like, hey, this is the one. Who whoever wins, you're going on. And so I was trying to be so extremely disciplined, I caused myself to be anemic.

Danny O'Connor45:02

I walked into the ring anemic. I got beat up really bad um in front of the whole world, like a shell of myself. Uh I went to the hospital after they found out I was anemic. I had like some uh my liver enzymes throughout the eating disorder. Liver enzymes is one thing. It's always it always goes crazy from the up and down and abuse you give it. But

Uh so when I came home from that, I really thought my career was over. Like

You know, it's a little bit more mainstream to lose now.

Yeah. But I felt like back then nobody wanted to lose, especially someone that nobody really knew. I wasn't coming through the ranks, right? So I thought potentially my career could be over like this promotion company might drop me.

Danny O'Connor45:44

So at that time I wanted to find a an elite camp. I wanted to find a training camp that was the next level even even more than this. And um ultimately I hooked up with a trainer out of Texas who was elite who had a had a bunch of huge name fighters. Um and I actually knew someone that was already training there. So it it was a it was a good connect.

Danny O'Connor46:10

Ronnie Shields. One of the one of the best trainers in the world. And and I'll tell you

Danny O'Connor46:16

Edwin Rodriguez. He was another middleweight. Yep. And so he fought Andre Ward for the belt and he trained out of Worcester. So I I came like he was my roommate at nationals, Edwin. Um and so it was easy for me to call him and be like, "Hey, what do you think?" Then I talked to Ronnie and

Ronnie's one of the best human beings you will ever meet. Nothing to do with boxing. Like

That guy cared for all his fighters. He cared for me. He he was just such a a good man and a coach. And so plus he had trained so many elite fighters. Like I knew like, okay, if I if I go down here into this camp, it's next level and if I'm going to do this, I'm going to go to the next level. So that was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. My wife, who was brand new, and my child, who was a month old, the my my first child was born a month before

Um the Brero fight, that 14th fight.

Um and and it was one of the hardest things I that I ever had to do. You know, it was just constant conflict. I felt like I should be home with my family raising my child and but I'm not. I'm away at training camp. So, um, as much as the opportunity was amazing and the people were amazing,

Texas was a really dark time in my life. Not just because I was away, but because that's when the eating disorder progressed. That's when it was

Danny O'Connor47:37

Well, I mean, if if she asks me, I'm I'm telling her I'm not I'm not hiding it like to her. She's just not seeing it. Like like when I'm living at home, she sees me the night before the weigh in, going to the sauna with my sauna suit on, hadn't drinking water since the day before. In the sauna, in and out, home, barely talk, laying down, wake up, don't take a shower cuz I'm scared the water's going to put some ounces back on me and just go weigh in.

So she sees all that, right? But I was already that before I met Diane. I was already the fighter. She already met me when I was the fighter, right? So like

Danny O'Connor48:13

The problem was I normalized it.

Danny O'Connor48:16

I normalized stuff that put my life at risk that I shouldn't have. And so yeah, it was just another Tuesday when I had to lose 15 lbs by 3 days. You know what I mean?

Danny O'Connor49:03

Well, if you figure someone like Joey Chestnut, right? So, 76 hot dogs, 10 minutes. That's roughly like 20,000 calories.

Danny O'Connor49:10

So, sometimes I was eating 60,000. So, that's three of those 76 hot dogs, right? And so, like sometimes I ate 20,000, sometimes I ate 40,000.

Danny O'Connor49:27

I'll give you the last binge. I had a relap binge that and I hadn't had it for years and it and it it snuck up on me. The [ __ ] got me, dude. It snuck up on me.

Um, everything came together in a perfect storm of a bunch of different things and it snuck up on me. And that binge, it was um it was a it was a 48 hour binge. So, it was two days. It was a weekend. It started like Friday, ended Sunday night. And in that binge, you're talking about five large cheese pizzas, three jars of peanut butter, roughly 90 to 100 something rice cakes with peanut butter on every one of them, multiple boxes of cereal

Danny O'Connor50:12

No, just the boxes of cereal. It was all It was never, you know, and sometimes it was like two two rotisserie chickens. I mean,

It it was never like I'm going to go eat all this healthy food and binge on it. It seemed to always be like the unhealthy food that was the stuff that like got you, right? Like the like the savory crispy like I could eat bags of chips and boxes of cereal and blocks of cheese, right? All in this 48 hour tornado of a binge. And you know when I first started binging, like I didn't even know your body could do this. Like it used to scare me so much like how the [ __ ] am I eating all this food?

Like like to the point where like I don't have food cues today. I don't know when I'm hungry. I don't know when I'm full. Like it's broken cuz I've override them so much. And you look like you know I'd eat all this food literally to the brink of like having heart palpitations. I couldn't breathe. I'm so like you're talking about Thanksgiving dinner times a million to the the body is so adaptable and such a a crazy organism. You don't even know what it's capable of until it happens.

And so I'm thinking my stomach is going to tear. I don't even know where all this food's going. And then you're at a point where you're going to involuntarily vomit. So you're now you're going to vomit. So that 48 hour binge is spent with eating to the point where I cannot stop. Cannot until I vomit, then probably pass out for a little bit, then wake up and go right back to it. There's been times when I've been to the grocery store five or six times in a day in between vomiting, throwing up, passing out, and then eating some more.

And so like it it be and here's the other thing. I'm not intoxicated, right? I'm not drunk. I'm not I'm not high where I can like shift my pleasure or I'm literally stuck in my body uncomfortable trying to stop but can't stop. And so it it for the longest time it was the biggest like mind bend to me because like if if I'm gonna do something I'm gonna go do it. And I and I've proved that many times in my life. If I want to do this I'm going to I'm going to have the discipline and I'm going to go do it to the highest level.

And if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out because of an external something not something I didn't do. So now when I'm trying to do something that I can't control, no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard, no matter what's on the line, right, the world championship belt was on the line, my health was on the line, my family, my money, it didn't matter what was on the line. Nothing equated to being able to control this action that was so clearly killing me.

And I'm trying to hide it from the whole world because I got to get on the scale every day. You know, I'm looking like this. Well, if anybody thinks that I can't make weight in a weight class sport that's my job and my profession now it's a liability. Who's going to want to let me fight? Who's going to want to work with me? Right? And so on top of the fact that I don't have a men community to be like, "Hey, Bill, what's going on with you?

Like, how do you feel? I'm [ __ ] figuring this thing out on my own. Like a science experiment, dude."

Danny O'Connor53:29

Yeah. Sometimes nine pounds, sometimes 14, sometimes 10.

Danny O'Connor53:32

And that's the thing exactly like in that training camp for the world championship belt my time in Texas that's why it was so chaos because these binge eating episodes would come randomly that I couldn't control that would then they would then spike the weight then I'd have to try to cut the weight just to have some normaly and and try not to have people realize it but it's not for the official weighin it's just for every day right so now I'm cutting weight every day up and down this yo-yo effect just to try to get to the one weigh in to weigh in to go fight.

So, it became this chaotic. Okay, I had this binge and now I'm 10 lbs heavier. Now I got to go, you know, to Bikram yoga for 90 minutes with a full sauna suit on and sweat out six lbs and then not drink water cuz I'm going to go for another run before I get to practice just in case they put me on the scale. Then I'm going to get to practice. I'm going to act like everything's okay. I'm going to have my full workout and then I'm going to go home for night.

Now it's a crapshoot. Am I going to be able to maintain that and feel pretty good and wake up the next day? Or am I going to have this other insane binge that I don't know when they're coming and now it goes up again and then I got to stay up a little bit extra late to take it off before I go back in the morning. I mean, that time I got that time I got on the scale and and there was that weight fluctuation, I had left the gym at like 3:00 in the afternoon and then reported back at like 9 in the morning.

Right? So, it happened literally overnight. I couldn't understand it yet. It was hard for me to tell you what's happening to my body and these weight shifts when I didn't even understand it. I didn't listen, I'm fully aware what happens if you drink alcohol, right? I'm fully aware what could happen and what can happen if you just do it socially, right? At least I know the options and I can make an educated guess before I take that drink.

I had no idea what the [ __ ] eating disorder was. I didn't know men could have it. I didn't even know it was a thing other than the word eating disorder. I still to this day remember in Texas, right? It's after a binge. It's after I have to call in sick to the gym, right? There was times when I was so comomaos in my room that like they had to send fighters to my apartment knocking on the door cuz I didn't show up, right? And it was a time that I had a crazy binge the night before.

And you know, I just knew like, man, this like this craziness is going to kill me. I can't keep going on like this. Like, this is nuts.

Danny O'Connor56:15

So, I never missed weight in my life until that eating disorder came to the point where I couldn't control it anymore. And when the binges came, because I never had a binge in a training camp ever. When I when I went to and toll a certain point in my early career, I never had a binge eating episode in a training camp. My discipline was 100. It would not break for anything. If I had 3 ounces of this food at this time that needed to be eated, I ate it.

And then at that time, and if this workout had to be done, it was done. And if I had to wake up at this time, it was done. That's the level of the discipline I had. and I could turn off eating and always maintain that in training camps until the eating disorder progressed to a stage around 2014ish that I couldn't control the intake anymore. So now those binge eating episodes started happening in training camp,

Danny O'Connor57:28

Dude, 100%. Ronnie was Ronnie was the best. He used to be like, "You can't do this. You can't do this to your body." Like, you you be an athlete. You just, you know, maintain your weight. Don't don't do the yo-yo, right? Because I think in and not even just Ronnie, anybody that was around me in kind of close proximity could see the weight fluctuations. I mean, dude, I used to h first of all, I had three different wardrobes because I knew if I'm binging, I'm going to be up here and I couldn't fit this one.

Or if I'm starving and I'm making weight, I'd have to have this one. So, like

If I if there was people around me in my close proximity, they would see stuff off. Like I used to not after a fight I used to just hide at home because when these binges took over and I look so bloated and out of shape and disgusting nobody would have even like you didn't even recognize me and I didn't want to be seen like that. So I used to hide at home, right? But if you were around me in the gym and you saw these weight fluctuations, you for sure knew like what are you doing?

But I think to like the world and this is what happened when I came out with the eating disorder. The one thing I realized is like a lot of people just don't understand what an eating disorder is. That's what I realized from talking to all these people. So, they saw these weights, but I think it was just chocked off to the yo-yo diet. Maybe I'm not disciplined at home and and I'm eating and I'm and I'm just thinking I'm going to lose it later or whatever it may be.

I don't think anyone ever could have realized the depth of what it was and the loss of control of what it was. Right? Because you look at the first time I did not make a weight class in my life was the Boston Garden, right? Think about that. The Boston Garden was the most important [ __ ] fight of my life because it was the Garden. Yeah.

I didn't care about it was the Garden, the most important fight of my life.

And I I mean I definitely I I almost died. I had to leave training camp weeks early and lie to coach Ronnie and tell him that I just had to go home for media because the binges were so crazy and I just I couldn't be around. So, I went home and that's the first time that I did not make weight.

Danny O'Connor59:36

I missed by a couple and we re Well, first of all, I took off a ton. I mean, dude, I couldn't even walk out of my bed. I was so dehydrated. We like people on my team had to call and be like, you know, he's not going to make way. Like, I was a mess. I was I was a mess. And so it was only by a couple, but as the eating disorder progressed, um, you know, one time I missed weight by like, you know, 10 pounds.

Danny O'Connor1:00:04

Yeah. And it's because a binge, you know, it was down, but then a binge hit and it went back up and I'm trying to take it down. So by the time I actually got to the weigh-in, I was a whole different weight class and I had to renegotiate the scale. That's the thing. the more the eating sort of became uncontrolled and progressed, the less control I had over anything and the more extreme trying to take it off became.

Danny O'Connor1:00:30

Yeah. I mean, I wasn't even making a lot, but I gave up a couple thousand.

Danny O'Connor1:00:34

Yeah.

Danny O'Connor1:00:37

I won. Yeah. I have never stepped in the ring in any of my life from 2005 until I stopped boxing at 100%.

Because of the way I made weight, it's impossible. Your body, even in pros, 24 hours later, which that's a whole different animal. I make 140, then I come back into the ring the next night and I'm 165 24 hours later as a pro cuz you don't you get the day before we win, right? But you can't do what I was doing to myself in terms of dehydrating, depriving myself of water, sweating all this weight, and then think that you're going to recover to go compete in a professional athletic thing.

When somebody's fighting you, I'm fighting another human being who's trying to hurt me. And so that's what I always say, like I've never stepped in the ring at 100% ever.

Danny O'Connor1:01:23

The Boston Garden should have been like one of the highlights of my life and and it was actually a low point for me because of the way I made weight and I got beat up in the fight. Like you know you do all that stuff to deprive yourself from your body and then now you're going to get punched in your head.

Danny O'Connor1:01:45

Exactly. So it's like double. So like I'm now taking more punishment than I should be taking because you know I left that fight I think with with you know some black eyes or whatever that I shouldn't have had that you know the kid he shouldn't have touched I should have went in to that, you know, highlight of my life in front of all these Boston athletes and uh you know, uh I think there was like 10,000 people at the Garden that night for me. I'm the main event.

Like this isn't a this isn't a sports team where I get to share it. This is my night.

Danny O'Connor1:02:13

And I and I and I can't view that night as a positive thing

Because of everything that went into it. And honestly,

Danny O'Connor1:02:22

You know what I mean? That's like most of my fights because of like how I approached the weight, what I did to myself. and then having to go in and then fight in addition to that. You know, it it boxing became such a negative thing for me because of the weight and and because of what I did to myself to make that weight that it just became this this negative thing that that I just hated I hated to do it. I hated to want to do it.

And um it was such a conflict because you know at one point I love this thing and I wanted to do it and now I don't don't like it and I already have this conflict about fighting in general. I don't love fighting man. I don't I don't like hurting other people and I don't like being hurt. So like

Boxing for me was just an eternal conflict. You know what I mean? It just and the and the eating disorder and the weight class always was a conflict. They always went in adversity of each other, you know? So, it just spiraled uphill into this crazy chaotic thing that put me that ultimately left me in the in the ICU because the again, you know, keep going that way, keep going and there's probably only going to be one, you know, two different things. You're either going to realize it and get do something different or you're going to die.

And unfortunately, you know, I was going to die for that WBC World Championship belt.

Danny O'Connor1:03:48

After 10 years.

Danny O'Connor1:03:51

Jose Ramirez.

Danny O'Connor1:03:53

Fresno. And he was good. He was a tough tough scrappy uh kid from Fresno. And he was a champion. And um

Danny O'Connor1:04:02

Fresno.

Danny O'Connor1:04:05

Yeah. Yeah. Well, hometown, you know, he's a champion.

Danny O'Connor1:04:10

Tough tough.

Danny O'Connor1:04:19

Uh, I go to training camp in Colorado.

Danny O'Connor1:04:22

That's where I like to have my training camp

Danny O'Connor1:04:25

No.

Danny O'Connor1:04:26

So, nobody. And so, that's what I was trying to stay on before.

I couldn't be in elite training camps anymore because I didn't have the ability to control my weight or to answer the questions they were having me. So, anytime someone kind of got close to my weight, I had to get out of there. I left Coach Ronnie. And so, now I'm just having people help me. This guy will hold the mits. This guy I'll bring in as a sparring partner. And I'm just essentially going to coach myself at this point. So, that's what I did. I set up a training camp in Colorado and I brought my family.

I knew from early on in Texas that the eating disorder was always affected negatively more when I was away from my family. Yeah.

That it just always was. They were my They were my recharge button. And so I you know, obviously this the most important fight of my life. You're all coming with me. I'm not like any anything that I can like mitigate to make it better for myself, I'm doing it. So everyone comes with me.

They're staying at a house at the bottom of the mountain. I'm staying at the training camp house at the top of the mountain with a couple like a friend, someone that holds a mitts, um you know, a sparring partner that I paid to come in and I'm going to have my my training camp. problem is just like just like Texas. Um it's it's the up and down yo-yo, right? These binge episodes and I know I can't control them and I know I can't hide them.

Danny O'Connor1:05:54

No. No. It started before the food even went in your mouth. It a bit. And this is what I'm saying, Ken. I literally have starved myself so aggressively with so much discipline on point at the drop of a hat for so long that all of a sudden I felt like I broke myself.

I could not stop anymore. I felt like

Danny O'Connor1:06:16

It always started with the urge. There wasn't food first. There was always this like internal urge that just nothing satisfied nothing. It didn't matter if I went for a run, if I tried to drink some water, if I thought about something else, if I played a video, it didn't matter. This urge would just develop. And it was me basically spending days trying to remedy that urge. I'm going to go for a walk. I'm not going to think about it. I'm going to call somebody. And it would every day would start out with that.

Danny O'Connor1:06:49

And then it would turn

Danny O'Connor1:06:51

Yeah, there were definitely cravings for for specific food. It always started with the urge and then there were always cravings attached to it like you know it just depends like maybe if I saw pizza at the grocery store the day before or something like

Danny O'Connor1:07:10

Yeah but except that's not what happened and so then that's another downside. I at one point I was so scared to eat because that would kick off the binge that would give into the urge and then I'd be gone. So if I just ate one little bit, I was gone running. And so it became a point when I was so [ __ ] scared to just eat a little food because it would kick in that urge and that binge

That it was this. But it's backwards cuz now when you starve and restrict

And you're not eating,

It's causing the the wanting to eat even more, right? And so it's this like vicious negative negative cycle, man. And so like that's how it always started. And here's the thing, like you can quit drugs, you can quit alcohol, you can't quit food. And I knew that. So originally I thought, you know, and I'm trying everything, every single thing you can think of to try to remedy these binges, not give into them, quit them, not do them, whatever you want to call it, right? And so like there was one point, you know, I figured like, all right, well, how what if I use food?

I'll try to use food because I'm gonna have to eat. I can't not eat for the rest of my life. So no matter what, even if I figure this eating disorder out, which by the way, I didn't have someone to say, "Yeah, you're going to be able to get through this." I didn't know if you could or not. You know what I mean? And so I thought, well, like maybe I could just try to remedy it with food. So I had like these petite peas. They're frozen.

And so like I would have these little cups of peas when those urges started. And I'd try to like

Feed the urge a little bit.

Danny O'Connor1:08:42

But keep it like, you know what I And there were nights when literally I had a cup of peas, frozen peas,

And I would eat it from

2:00 in the afternoon until midnight before I go to bed. And yes, I ate seven bags of peas or 10 bags of frozen peas. But

Danny O'Connor1:09:02

Right into me. Frozen. Sometimes I put protein powder so that they would be vanilla tasting cuz I was just trying to [ __ ] surv. I was just trying to get through it, okay?

Because I knew then there's another level to the binge that once I gave into those urges, I was off running. And when I was off running, that's when it was dangerous. It could be grocery store five times. It could be it could be anything. There was times when even after my wife told me like, "Listen, you can't eat the kids foods. Like, I've been to the grocery store three times in the last three days. Just whatever is going to happen, don't eat the kids food." And then she'd wake up and every single thing in every [ __ ] cabinet was gone.

You know how that made me feel? There's a lot of things that make me feel like [ __ ] but the fact that I still couldn't [ __ ] do something for my kids makes me feel like the motion. And I know that maybe a small thing that yeah, she'll just go back and get them, but the fact that I was trying to do something for my child and I still couldn't, that [ __ ] hurt me. So like I tried to curve it. I well, first of all, I tried to stop it, right?

In 2014, when I realized that this was out of control, when I kind of like realized, okay, eating disorder, let me figure this out. I stepped away from boxing. I stepped away in 2014. I got professional help from

Danny O'Connor1:10:22

I quit first and then came back.

Danny O'Connor1:10:33

I step away for a year cuz I know I'm in trouble now.

Danny O'Connor1:10:38

Well, I had to pull out of a fight. I had a huge fight on TV and it was basically like a try out for Golden Boy because it was it was, you know, they were promoter. It was a co-promoter with me

And training camp was insane.

We had these like my fit foods, you know, those services. Yeah. Yep.

Yeah. So, I picked up a week's worth of my food. A week. Yeah. put it in the fridge,

Come home the next day, have a binge, eat every single prepared meal for the whole week in that night in that binge.

Danny O'Connor1:11:08

I woke up the next day. I understand like, okay, so I quit the sport. I step away. I don't tell anyone I have an eating disorder. I don't even know what it is.

Now I'm seeking information, right? I I go to eating disorder clinics. I go to a an inpatient hospital in Waltham that I'm not committing to. I'm just going to like see if there's guys there, understand the eating disorder. I I ultimately I didn't feel super comfortable in the eating disorder culture. So, I found a sports psychologist who was from Boston and he was the man. He wasn't specialized in eating disorders, but this dude was good. I liked him. I felt comfortable. So, we talked athletics, sports performance, and then I sprinkled in like, "Hey, I got this [ __ ] eating disorder, man.

Like I know you don't know but like let me talk to you a little bit. So I'd sprinkle in stuff just to get his mindset and and I read books. I thought first when I stepped out of the ring I thought I'm going to go home. I'm going to quit this thing right away and then I'm going to go back to boxing and get my world championship belt. Right? I thought overnight I'm buying books on like mental warfare, how to control your mind. I thought I could just control my mind better, right?

Control my mind better and then I'm good. naive to think because you know 15 years later sometimes I still feel like I was at step one right so like

I didn't realize how complex and deep this thing went so I got the professional help through him

And I started learning about eating disorders like they have meta and all these different organizations in Boston that I would go to and you know hey what's an eating disorder understand the variation right like I might have one that's completely different than yours but both of our lives are at risk and that's why there's so much complexity in them um so I started started learning about them and I started trying to remedy it. I got a job at a grocery store. I worked at Trader Joe's and I did it because I was like a science experiment.

I had this little journal which was part of my thing. So I'd write down all day like how I felt if a binge was there, what I was feeling, what happened after the binge, and like I'd go back to like other days in the journal and be like, "All right, well, what the [ __ ] happened here that maybe I can do here and do different?" And I got a job at the grocery store because I figured like if this shit's [ __ ] me up so much, I got to like figure this thing out.

So, I'm going to go be around it all day. I need to figure this thing out. And ultimately, a year of doing no boxing, no weight class, and you know, just living with my family with professional help and and just doing all these things on myself to try to figure this out. I felt like like a better place than I was before. Like the binges weren't necessarily gone, but there was a time when they were every [ __ ] day.

Danny O'Connor1:13:49

And then they went to like maybe once a week or, you know, once every two weeks, once a month. You didn't know when they were going to come. And so, like, it definitely got better. And like, I'm not going to give up my dream of that world championship belt, especially for this psychiatric illness, mental health, whatever you want to call it. Hell no. Hell no. So, I'm going to go back to the sport. So then I go back to the sport of boxing and continue my career until 2018 when I get the world championship belt.

Danny O'Connor1:14:28

No. So I go back to the sport with a handle on it.

Danny O'Connor1:14:32

And it gets crazy again and it's like a progression. It just gets worse.

Danny O'Connor1:14:43

The training camp house that I was living with at the top of the mountain, I knew I couldn't be there anymore because these binges urges were coming. I couldn't control it. I I originally I started by just sneaking into my room to eat. Yeah.

And I'm like, "This is crazy, dude. These kids, they're going to see like I can't be here." So, I left that training camp house and went to the bottom and stayed with my family. How many people were staying in the house?

Uh maybe like four, three or four.

Danny O'Connor1:15:15

Yeah. I mean, not really. I mean, I'm the technically I am the boss. And that's what I learned from like technically like that's what I learned from Coach Ronnie. Like, I knew I couldn't be around elite people anymore because there's not like I couldn't explain it.

Danny O'Connor1:15:28

Okay.

Now I'm the boss.

Right. And so like no one's going to say nothing to me, especially since you're my friend and and they getting paid,

Right? And and I'm just, you know, I'm going to go down with my family. Like

Danny O'Connor1:15:38

I'm not one of the athletes that ever needs to like I can train out 100% with my family ne literally with me. Like I'm not one of the athletes that needs a separation. I don't need to be hidden from anything. I can do discipline, whatever. So like it's it wasn't weird for me to go down and live with my family. But what happened was is just like Texas, the binges were so crazy and random and the weight fluctuations were so up and down that, you know, I'm training with them in a normal training camp type, but then I'm going back down and it's a crapshoot.

If I have a binge now, I might be going to Bickram yoga for 90 minutes with a sauna suit on to sweat it out or and then coming home and running or I could maybe not have a binge that night but the next morning. So, like it was again that up and down craziness. And when it was time to then go to Fresno, which we went up earlier, I was scared to eat, man. I was scared to put anything in my [ __ ] mouth because I thought it would kick off this binge that would that, you know, if I'm having binges, training camp, like fight week.

Danny O'Connor1:16:44

It's going to be insane. So, I'm scared to eat. So, I stop eating. I just completely stop. try to put nothing in my mouth, stop drinking water because I already know my weight is crazy high because of the fluctuations, right? Um, so I go to Fresno, weigh in day comes, I wake up early, like 4:30 in the morning, and I know I'm in trouble. I had already stopped peeing, so I wasn't even urinating now. You know, it it I don't even know how many days it had been since I stopped peeing.

Like, I already knew I was in big trouble.

Meaning you were depleted.

Danny O'Connor1:17:13

No, I was 12 pounds over when I woke up the day of the weigh-in.

Danny O'Connor1:17:22

Or drinking water for multiple days and stop peeing. So, so I know I'm in trouble.

Danny O'Connor1:17:28

Okay. But I go to the sauna and I'm going to take all that weight off. Okay. In and out of the sauna. And it was a

It was a a not a boxing gym. It was like a a normal gym. And so the sauna was off the pool. And I remember, you know, first of all, the sauna is tough. When you haven't eaten or drinking, it's more miserable. When you got to wear the sauna suit, I look like an Eskimo. You know what I mean? It's miserable. So,

The best way for me to not die and feel good is like I go in for a little bit. I try to sweat. I go out. I go in. I go out. I go in.

Um because once

When you're in that state, it takes so long to break a sweat. It could be hours before you even get a sweat. But once you break a sweat,

Then your body will sweat. So in

One time I came out and I laid down because the pool was connected to the sauna and I laid down on the apron of the pool literally half dead

And all the staff came up and they were like do you want should we call 911? Are you okay sir?

Danny O'Connor1:18:26

You know and I'm just like back in the sauna. So I go back in do everything and I get within one pound. So, I get back to the hotel when it's like basically time to go to the weigh-in and you know, I'm I'm still within one pound, almost there. And now, listen, if you don't make that weight, you don't win that belt. So, I could have weighed in seven pounds over. We could have renegotiated and I could have went on and whatever. But,

Danny O'Connor1:19:01

No.

Danny O'Connor1:19:03

Like any athlete any I mean I'm sure you know you're never going to do some different [ __ ] on the day of competition that you've never done just you won't do it because you don't know how you're going to react

Um but desperate times desperate desperate measures and this is what I was talking about weight cutting tactics have progressed so much like I had no idea what a Epsom salt bath was I'd never been in one yeah

Right so we need one more pound got a little bit of time before we go to weigh in going to going to do this Epsom salt bath

Danny O'Connor1:19:38

So at this point I couldn't even speak. I what I remember from the bath is it was so scalding on my ass and like my back literally burning me and I didn't even make a noise. I couldn't even talk. I just right into the water. It was and like that's the state I was in basically right. And so

You know I don't know how long I'm in there. I get out and then basically I die in my hotel room. I collapse on the ground and this is a pretty crazy like you know whatever you want to call it like an outer body type of it was nuts man because I I collapse you know all I can think about running through my head is my family Diane and my wife I love the belt I love being a champion but nothing trumps me being a dad and a husband that's that's all they care about in this world when it comes down to it

So that's they I just remember they're running running through my mind and it was really weird because I wasn't uncomfortable anymore like I wasn't and listen at that state of making weight there's no position you can get comfortable it's so [ __ ] miserable dude it is like I can like it's just horrible but I'm not like that anymore I'm nothing I'm not not uncomfortable and it was a real weird feeling because there's people in my room now conjugating my best friend here and like people know like I'm in trouble And it was like I was kind of standing up listening to everybody talk real clear.

Danny O'Connor1:21:06

But I knew I was lay, you know, I know like I'm passed out on the ground.

Medics come, right? We call 911. Medics come, they take me out the hotel room, bring me to ICU. I I come to in the hospital. I remember like they open some door and like the light. It wasn't it wasn't like, you know, a tunnel to God. It wasn't like that. I was in the stretcher somewhere and they opened the door and the light from outside came in. I remember being like, "Oh, what the fuck?" But then I come to in the hospital and uh oh god, man, I can't tell you.

First of all, I got to deal with the repercussions that I just did that on weigh-in day in front of the whole world, right? This world championship fight is a huge caliber in front of the whole world on TV. And I just did that essentially ruining my career in a blink of an eye.

Danny O'Connor1:21:56

Fight is canceled. I have to deal with all the repercussions of of like the commentary team, the business end, everybody just not really understanding because I didn't give anybody the chance to understand, right? So, nobody knows really what's going on. They just hear I didn't make weight and then

Danny O'Connor1:22:22

Yeah, for sure. Um, you know, but but why did that happen is what I'm getting at. Like was I just undisiplined eating Twinkies in my room and you know what I mean?

Danny O'Connor1:22:34

There's a big difference. There's a lot of context behind it. And like if you read my book and see the whole journey, like you'll understand that, but nobody's going to understand it.

So I, you know, I get to watch this fight and watch me not doing it and my dreams slip through my fingers, right? M

And I will tell you the hardest thing that I've one of the hardest things I've ever had to do is 2016 I had another opportunity to like skyrocket a big fight. Same kid that beat me the first time at Lowell Memorial in front of the whole world on TV in front of my whole community. And in the first 30 seconds he clipped me out of nowhere. And I and listen that was when the eating disorder was at like a a better spot. Like I did make weight unhealthy, but it wasn't horrible.

I was in great shape. I felt like I was going to win that fight, hands down.

Danny O'Connor1:23:23

Dude clipped me in the first 30 seconds, right?

Out cold in front of everybody. Everybody stands up and nobody talks. It's like one of those moments. Everyone's like waiting to see.

And my wife is ringside. She went to every single fight. She supported me through everything and she's ringside.

After that day, she never went back to her. I never let my family go to another fight. I never let my kids come. I never let her come. Um, so she never, so now she was in the role of, you know, waiting at home by the phone for me to call, hey, I won or, you know, whatever. Which it always was one. I only lost three times, right? So it was,

Um, out of whatever 35 professional fights, whatever my record is, 33, whatever. Yeah.

Um,

But this time it wasn't that, right? Like I I had to I and I and I remember like yesterday I had to call her from my the hotel in the ICU, you know, tell her, you know, basically I almost died. Nobody's getting paid. You know what I mean? Cuz we didn't work. You know, I probably ruined my career. Not really sure if I'm going to come back from this.

Danny O'Connor1:24:25

You know, sorry to let you all down. I know you've been on this journey with me the whole time because, you know, I'm not like I'm not like some, you know, I I didn't just have this fast track like, you know, I made the Red Sox, now we got the team playing. Like, there were sometimes in my boxing I had to get a job. Wow. You know what I mean? It's up and down, right? So, like they've been through everything with me and and now, you know, I have to call and and tell her all this.

Um, and then I still have an eating disorder that's [ __ ] wrecking havoc in my life and I don't know what the [ __ ] to do with.

Danny O'Connor1:24:57

So, that conversation that I had with with calling Diane that day was man, it still like hurts my stomach to this day was like one of the hardest conversations I that I ever I felt like I almost felt like I just wish I had died laying in that laying in that that hospital bed. You know what I mean? I just almost wish like damn, man. I wish almost like that, you know, and I don't wish death ever. Like I love my life and it would have been detrimental and I don't wish that but in that moment it's like damn dude like all these things just came crashing down.

Um, and ultimately it was it was probably like the the cement hard rock that my new life was built on without an eating disorder like with through the recovery and like all this stuff because at the end of the day I normalized all the [ __ ] I did to myself and I normalized all these crazy weight cuts and these weight, you know, pounds I was taking off and yes, I felt shitty, but then I would win and I would keep going.

Yeah. Now I'm almost dead and now it really puts in perspective like [ __ ] am I doing for a belt for a sport? Absolutely not. Like there there is nothing that's going to come between me and my children and my my wife Diane who's my best friend. So like

It really snaps stuff into perspective of like all right what are we doing here? Not only what are we doing here but what are we going to do in the future right? What are we going to do? Are are you going to get the eating disorder under control? Are you going to go back to boxing? Are you going to find out what's next? like what are we doing here? And so I think that um you know I flew back to Colorado. That's where they still were, you know, waiting for me.

Jobless, not sure if my boxing career is going to go on. And um ultimately, you know, that's where I started like serious treatment for the eating disorder. from 2014 when I first left and all the way to 2018, I was learning a ton of information about eating disorders and talking to a ton of professionals, but I also didn't do anything specialized in eating disorders because there was no guys. There was no culture. Like, so,

You know, I'm going to AA to talk to guys and I'm doing all this different stuff, but nothing 100% specialized to eating disorders. When I went back to Colorado, that's when I got specialized. I had an eating disorder dietician. um you know, overeaters anonymous meetings. I went to a intensive outpatient facility where like my wife and kids like drove me every day and then picked me up and

There's no way I could have went if Diane didn't have my back. Like I was so [ __ ] scared, dude. I just I didn't know what like it was just crazy. And so that's where like the treatment specialized um in eating disorder specifically.

Danny O'Connor1:27:30

I turned it around through everything coming together over a long period of consistent time. Like I don't think it was that one facility. I think that one facility gave me some amazing things but then talking to this you know professional gave me more amazing things you know uh doing this meeting gave me stuff.

So I think it was like everything that kind of came together.

Danny O'Connor1:28:17

I mean it started in 14.

Danny O'Connor1:28:20

Started in 14. Really? 134. Um and and I mean I went to the top of the mountain and drank psilocybin. You know what I mean? And and you know like literally my hand was shaking because I don't I'm I don't want to do drugs. Like I don't do you know what I mean?

Danny O'Connor1:28:36

It was scary and intense and uncomfortable. Um, but ultimately I actually did have a good experience with it and it wasn't a nothing was a fix all. Nothing I was going to go to. And then it was and that's the thing like

You know like say you have an alcohol problem. You go you get sober and you're sober but you're going to the meetings and you're doing stuff. At least you're sober. Yeah. Like that is a victory. You're not drinking. You're doing all this stuff.

With food it's different. Like I can't stop eating. So, like I'm going to do the stuff. I'm doing the stuff. And I don't feel like any one thing took away those binge episodes. I feel like I feel like a lot of them together helped me just continue to get over it until until I I didn't have those urges anymore, till I didn't have the binges anymore, till I could I mean, there was some there was one point when I binged so much on a consistent basis that I was scared not to do that.

It was weird to not binge like and even when I wasn't binging, I was still emotionally eating all night long. You know what I mean? So like it it it and that's why I think there's so much complexity in these eating disorders that like I still had to maintain this relationship with food for the rest of my life and I still had to eat for survival and I had to take what was now so out of control and put it back in control. But if I knew how to do that, it would have never been out of control.

So it was very much two steps forward, seven back, five forward, eight back, 10 forward, nine back, right? It was never I got sober and then now I'm sober for 30 years and getting my chin. Never like that.

Danny O'Connor1:30:31

Absolutely.

Danny O'Connor1:30:41

Nope. I feel like I am free of an eating disorder. And I feel like that's like the message I need to tell people because I didn't have that message. I didn't have a guy tell me like, "Oh yeah, I had an eating disorder." And then I beat it.

So I didn't even know if it was possible cuz I had heard so many stories about people, you know, still having some sort of issues with food, but just living what's the new normal. And I didn't want that [ __ ] I didn't want none of that. I wanted no problems, no issues, no new normal. I wanted myself back and I wanted to be free. But I didn't know that was possible. And you're talking about a recovery journey here that's, you know, 20, 15, 10 years long.

Like there was some points when I woke up and I was like, I just don't even [ __ ] know if if this is even possible. Like this is insane, dude. You know what I mean? So like,

But I got to a point where I do not feel like I have an eating disorder today. I've I've been through all these different types of things to facilitate change. And now I work with a doctor of psychology on a weekly basis that we just we just monitor. And therapy is another thing. I don't ever like go to therapy and just talk about all this bad [ __ ] Like I you know what I mean? I go to like game plan like how am I going to get better?

What you know what I mean? And so like it's how I use that platform. I'm not going to grow any crazy bad stuff. I want to go talk about the solutions. And so I you know I have a lady that I've worked with for a long time now who gets me and understands me. I was with her when I had the relapse. So, you know, I don't know the last time. I don't know when officially I stopped binging. Maybe it was early 20s or whatever. But then I had one really crazy relapse.

Um, basically in the process of writing that book that I wrote.

Danny O'Connor1:32:22

I think it was 24.

Danny O'Connor1:32:25

That was the one I told you about. Two day, you know, multiple pizzas. You know, that was that was that one. Vomiting upon, you know what I mean? That's that's the one where my wife was putting the coffee beans on top of the vomit. So I wouldn't have to vomit on top of vomit. Yeah.

Right. And so uh that was a a relapse one that shook my world cuz I hadn't I hadn't had that in so long.

My body wasn't used to it, man. It wasn't used to it. Like it just had no tolerance for it. So it was crazy. But I have not had urges or binges since I can remember since that time. Um I had to rebuild from the start. Everything. It wasn't just not having this urge and this action that's killing me, but I had to like build this new relationship with food, you know, because food was so mechanical for me. I I eat what I had to for nutrition, for food, for performance, and then what the binge eating episodes made me eat.

So, like it was never a me thing. So, I had to like build this new relationship with food. I had to understand what I liked, what I didn't like, because eating disorders are not just a physical thing. They're emotional and a mental thing. So, I had to like put all these pieces together and figure out all I mean there was a time when I showered in the dark for two years cuz I couldn't look at myself.

Danny O'Connor1:33:40

You know what I mean? And so, like it's not just this act that, you know, this addiction act that I can't control it, but this mental aspect snuck into that fueled it, right? And all those negative things fueled it. And it was like this crazy negative cycle that then you got caught up in this binge, but it actually is going to make you worse and then, you know what I So, I had to like build a a new slate with everything. And I have a lot of things that I do now on a daily basis that are just part of my routine.

Like, I don't have food cues anymore. I don't know when I'm hungry. I don't know when I'm full. So, I just know I have to eat and then four or five hours later I have to eat again. Never starve myself. I can't starve myself because that's just walking me down the path of overconumption later on, right? So, like I had to like build a whole new relationship with everything, with myself, with food, with this binge eating disorder. Um, and you know, I think now I feel like I got to a point where like I'm I'm free.

And and I'm sure you know from addiction that's the that's the thing is I had this monkey on my back every second of every [ __ ] day 24 hours a day. It didn't matter. Everything revolved around it. Everything. And after 20 years to not have that, to be free, to have my mental space, to be able to have conversations and live life and do stuff,

It's like this freeing feeling that I wasn't ever sure if I was really going to get here,

You know what I mean? And so I keep I keep the maintenance with with the with the therapist and, you know, we're always checking in and making sure stuff is good. And I actually talked to her yesterday, you know, before I came here. And if there's things that I think are going to elevate stuff in life, maybe I'll, you know, talk more specifically about them and I'll have a game plan. I knew like I like I told you, I drive a lot of places. I always have snacks so that I don't have to starve.

And um because I don't have an end point. I don't have the oh, you're full, you know? I kind of just, okay, this is my portion size for right now. This is what I eat. When it's done, I stop. And having the ability to start and stop is like Unbelievable. I lost that ability for a lot of years.

Danny O'Connor1:35:59

Get help. Get support and get help. And I don't mean that in a way where like you have to go to this because when I went into the eating disorder culture and it was it was predominantly females, I was uncomfortable. I didn't feel like I belonged. I still don't. I never felt like I found the connection that someone would get if if they went to like an AA and he you drink and I drink, right? I never felt like I got that with a man. And I I a lot of women that I've met in that world have been amazing.

But I needed a man, you know, I needed someone like me. And so I never felt like I got that. So I'm not saying to go put yourself in a position like that. I'm saying you can find supports. I I built supports because I didn't have those guys. So, like my wife, she doesn't have an eating disorder, but she's one of my biggest supports because she's been with me through everything. So, I built a support team of people that I trusted, that I was comfortable with, that I could be open and honest with, and that could help me get over this eating disorder.

So, if someone is struggling right now, there's really two things to eating disorders, which are really important. Number one is awareness and intervention, like early detection, right? I look back at some of the [ __ ] that before I lost control that I did on I used to starve myself, right? Go to training camp and then for the two weeks after before I had to go back to training camp, I would willfully go eat as much as I could thinking I missed out on the ice cream or the pizza, right?

But then I'd stop.

So I look back at times like that and I'm like, damn, I gave myself the eating disorder. I grew it. I exacerbated it.

Danny O'Connor1:37:32

With no awareness that it could be a thing. Right. So early detection, early prevention, awareness, that's essential. But if you're already down the path, you got to get you got to get help. You got to get support like and and trust me, I know how lonely it can be. The eating disorder for me was one of the most isolated journeys ever because mostly it was done with no one that I felt could understand it, right? And so

But you you need that support, right? you you you it is so much better as a team and people looking out for you and and being able to assess and game plan with you to get to where you want to go. You know what I mean? And so that's what I would say to anybody, man, woman, it doesn't matter what color, size you are. If you're affected by eating disorder, you're talking about a psychiatric illness that has the second highest mortality mortality rate behind opioids out of all of them.

Yeah. It's a it's it's such a serious health thing because you got to look at it like this, Ken. Food messes with so many systems of your body. Like I've made myself anemic. I've turned myself orange. I've had, you know, the initial stages of of organ failure from the dehydration. I've had blood in my semen. Just because you stop doing something doesn't mean that now the health effects a little bit later aren't going to be a repercussion of that, right? It affects so many health systems that it's a really serious serious thing that you have to deal with and you got to get support.

You got to get help.

Danny O'Connor1:39:06

Weight class, a fighter's life or death battle with an eating disorder.

Danny O'Connor1:39:54

Yeah. And you know what? I I'm I'm happy that I did it, The Unique Story, because I'm basically trying to change the perspective and culture for the rest of time, right? And since I wrote and published that book, I've been getting messages from guys all over the world that are really heavy, you know, a first responder, a hockey player, and parents. That's the broad that's the thing. Like,

Danny O'Connor1:40:18

Adolescence are affected. I've had parents messaging me that are frantic telling me about their children. And so, like, there are guys out there. There are people out there. There's a ton of people that are affected right now that have no community that are just suffering in silence. And I think that's the biggest thing that I was trying to give everybody is, hey, this is what I went through and this is exactly what it was. And if you're being affected, too, there's a way out, man.

Danny O'Connor1:40:44

Yeah. Instagram. The real Danny O'Connor. That's like uh the platform that I that I'm the most active on.

Danny O'Connor1:41:02

Thank you.