He Won the Super Bowl… Then Lost Himself

Steve Weatherford2:24

And I don't know if you felt that way.

Steve Weatherford2:24

I wish I had the personal revelation of what life was about back then because looking back at my NFL career and like coming up, I was so insecure and fighting [snorts] for worthiness that I didn't really appreciate what I was getting to experience.

Now looking back on it, man, it's unbelievable. God is so good. I can't believe I won a a Sugar Bowl, won a Super Bowl, got married, I have six kids, and like you know, you look at your your Wikipedia page. It's unbelievable. But as it was happening, I feel like everything that I achieved, it was like I achieved it, and then it was always onto the next thing. Yes. Um and that's no way to live. And uh and I feel like where I'm at right now, I'm able to like sit and be present.

And so much of my life was about the the the and it wasn't about the relationships and um I feel like the enemy robbed me of a lot of the great things that happened in my life and I'm glad that I got revelation to what my life is really about before I was 60, 70 years old and now I'm winding the clock down versus okay, I've done some great things but those things that I did don't really determine my worth and now I'm in the point right now where you called me a couple days ago and like hey man, I'd love to have you come to Nashville and with all the busyness of what I have going on in my life nothing means more to me than relationships and relationships require a lot.

Yeah. And um if you're living a life that's all about yourself, you're not taking time to help people accomplish their goals. Um Zig Ziglar said if you help enough people get what it is they're looking for, you're going to get what you're looking for. That's one of the reasons that brought me to Nashville to help you with this because I believe in you. I love you and I feel like what you've gone through can be such an incredible life lesson to help people understand that um it's not about what you do, it's who you become.

Steve Weatherford6:59

You're going to learn a few things about me today, Ken, that you didn't know.

Okay. So, Louisiana as a young kid, what was that like? Different. You know, I would say I didn't know it at the time. Just like you didn't know how how you grew up.

Yeah, that's true. You thought that that was normal.

Of course. You know, just like I thought how I grew up was normal. I remember um we did like a an interscholastic uh competition where they would take like the two best athletes from the different elementary schools and we would all come together and do a competition. And I did really well cuz I'm naturally gifted. And um I had a a black fellow named Milton Clayton come up to to at the end of that event and come up to my dad and say, "Hey, your son's really special.

I'd like to invite him on to a track team that um that is full of elite athletes and and I think your son's got what it takes. And I show up at Southern University, which is an all-black college, and I was the only white kid out of 200 athletes. And I remember when I went out there, they kicked the crap out of me. And I told my dad, "I'm never going back there again." But looking back on it, um I feel like people like you and people like me that develop like this unbelievable drive and an almost like obsession to be great at something is typically born out of massive insecurity or childhood wounds and trauma.

And listening to to your book earlier today, I I had no idea what you went through that made you so great. And for me, I grew up wanting to be loved. Yeah.

Right? And wanting to wanting to be accepted. But I would say on that track team is really the first picture of what I got of what it really required to be great at something because the way that those guys trained, black or white didn't matter. The way that they trained was unlike any other even to this day. I mean, I've been on the Jets, the Giants, the Chiefs, the Jags, University of Illinois. I've still never seen an organization that worked harder than it was the the organization was called KY Track Club.

And they kicked out so many professional athletes. Remember Work Dunn? Yeah, of course. Flo Rida was on that track team. Countless other professional athletes came out of there. And I think without my exposure to that track team, I don't I don't think I'd be sitting in this chair with you right now. What what was your event? When I first started doing it, I was like a cuz I wasn't going to sprint with those guys. I was a 800 um and then they got me into the pentathlon.

Oh, okay.

So, the multi-event which ended up uh I ended up doing the decathlon in college. I don't know if you knew that it or not.

Steve Weatherford9:56

The exact same age as me. And so, when I went to the University of Illinois cuz he's probably about 43. I think he was high school class of 2001.

World champ, silver Olympic, silver Olympic at the Olympics. Yeah, he was the man. So, my numbers weren't where his numbers were, but my my excuse was I was playing college football at the same time. So, he was like a 7-ft high jumper and I was like a 6-9 high jumper. He was like a 10.7 in the 100 and I was like a 10.9, but I always thought that he was cuz he's a white guy, too, you know? I always thought that he was the greatest.

Steve Weatherford10:27

For sure because the the guys that can really crush it in the 100, they're just running the 100. They're not going to waste time training the pole vault or the javelin. You know what I mean?

Steve Weatherford11:49

My mom pretty much he was an accountant. Yeah. Uh my mom was a stay-at-home mom. I have an older brother, a younger brother, and younger sister. So, she she's a career mom. Okay. Yeah. I played four four sports in high school. I did soccer and football at the same time. So, I would play soccer games on Tuesdays and Saturdays, football games on Fridays. And then after those seasons was over, I would go to basketball and then from basketball to track. And I think I'm the only person in the state of Indiana to to graduate with 14 varsity letters, which is pretty tough to do.

Jesus. How important was it to play soccer as a punter? I would say 90 and I'm making this statistic up, but I would say 90% plus of the NFL kickers and punters were soccer players. Mhm. Just because the skill set transitions so much.

Yeah. The only reason I ever played football is whenever I was a freshman, uh our coach, God rest his soul, Wayne Staley, and this is in Terre Haute, Indiana, he left the football field because our our field goal kicker had graduated. And so, he goes over to the soccer field and he's like, "Hey, um Coach Baker, do you got anybody over here that's got a strong leg? We need a kicker." And at the time I was 108 lb, 5'8". And he comes over to the soccer field and Coach Baker points over.

He goes, "Yeah, over on that second field, there's a guy named Steve Weatherford. He's got a really strong leg." So, Wayne walks over to the field and he gets to where he's about 50 yd away from him. I'm hearing this story after the fact.

Yeah. And he looks back at Coach Baker and he's like, "This guy?" Uh cuz he as he got closer to me, I'm freaking 108 lb, skinny as I can be. And he's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, just just have him kick the ball." So, Coach Staley walks up to me and um in Terre Haute, Indiana, nobody cared about soccer. Yeah. And so, the football coach comes over to the soccer field, and I'm like, I'm nervous cuz he's the he's the biggest deal on our campus. He says, "Hey, Weatherford, I want you to kick that ball." And so, I nervously take couple steps back, and I'm like, "Man, this is my shot." So, I kick the ball with everything I have.

Boom, a bomb goes off. The The ball takes off, and he looks back at Coach Baker and goes, "Yeah, he'll do." And then I And then he he grabs me, and he says, "We're going to football practice." And so, he takes me into the locker room, and he's going to get me my shoulder pads and my helmet. And I'm so excited. I'm like, I'm on the football field or on the football team, and and I'm imagining like, I get to wear the jersey to school on Friday.

All the girls are going to love me. I'm massively insecure. And um and so, they're fitting me for the the helmet, and they put on a a s- a a small because my my frame is small. Yeah. And he put it on top of my head, it was like a yarmulke. Then they put the medium, then they go to the large, then they go to the extra large. The extra large doesn't fit. I have a double extra large helmet. And then they go to to get me the shoulder pads, and they went in the reverse order, large, medium, small, and that didn't fit.

And so, they stuck his head outside of the hallway, goes, "Hey, we got any middle school pads?" So, I have seventh grader pads, a double extra large helmet, and I remember going out to football practice for the first time, and I was like a bobblehead cuz I've got this white jersey on and this white helmet, and I walk out, and I look like a golf tee with a golf ball on the top of it. He gathers the entire team up. He's like, "All right, field goal." And um and I remember our long snapper, his name was Mike Canada.

Mike Canada was like 275 lbs, 6'4", big old barrel-chested guy, and he chewed tobacco during practice.

God. He gets over the ball and he's about to snap it, and the most popular was like Varsity Blues, remember Box? The the most handsome, most popular guy in school, his name was Chris Farr. He was our quarterback, and he was the holder for the field goal. And so, he's down, "His blue 42, set, hut!" Snaps the ball, Chris Farr puts it down, and I'm like, "Oh, man, this is my shot." And I charge at the ball and I kick it with all that I have, and I'm I'm I'm nervous to do a good job, but I'm also thinking, "I'm a soccer player.

Normally, when I'm kicking a ball, the ball's moving, I've got people coming at me, there's a goalie that I need to get it by." But now, I'm on the football field, and all I need to do is kick it through an H, and there's nobody that's going to going to stop it like a goalie.

Yeah. So, I kick the ball with all that I have, and it sounds like a bomb going off, just like it did on the soccer field, but the only problem was I didn't take into account that the ball is kind of oddly shaped,

And I needed some trajectory to get the ball up. So, the ball never made it more than 2 ft off of the ground, and I tattooed Mike Canada right on the left buttock. And the second impact was the bomb going off, and then the ball hitting Mike Canada on the left buttock, and I remember him standing up, and his eyes were redder than the devil, and he turns around at me, and I'm like, "Oh, I really jacked him." This is a true story. He chased me off of the football field, and I'm running, and I still have the memory of his cleats, cuz we go from the field to the parking lot, and then there's the locker room, and I just remember his his cleats on the cement, going And I'm running with all that I have.

I get into the locker room. Thankfully, Mike stopped and went back to practice. I took that off this gigantic helmet, gave it back to the trainer, gave of my my shoulder pads back, and I'm like, "I'm done. I'm not playing anymore." And and if it wasn't for my friend coming up to me the next day saying, "Hey, we got a game in 3 days. We don't have a kicker. We really need you, man." I'm like, "Huh, I'm not going back. Did you see Mike Canada? He he almost killed me yesterday." He goes, "Listen, if you go across the street, Martha, she works on Tuesdays.

She'll sell you Copenhagen. Buy three cans of Copenhagen snuff. Put it in Mike Canada's locker room with a note saying, 'I'm sorry.' And I bet you Mike will let you back on the team." So, I listened to him cuz I really wanted to wear that jersey to practice on Friday. And the next day Mike Canada was standing at the door of our high school and I was like, "He's going to kill me." And I walked up and he goes, "Hey, thanks, man." He gives me this big old hug.

And that was the beginning of my career. It was Mike Canada let me back onto the field. And the first game I ever played, we played our cross-town rivals. There's 10,000 people at the game and I hit a 49-yard game winner. Um and the the rest is history. I I I realized like I have a natural talent for this and now I put a ton of hard work and grind into becoming consistent and great at it. But I feel like there's probably a lot of people that are listening to this podcast that may have tried the thing that God gifted them to do and the first time they tried it, they sucked at it.

And maybe they never went back. And and if it wasn't for me trusting my friend and going and trying it again, my whole world would be a whole lot different cuz I think about everything that football has opened up to me. And like guys like you, like when you called me and you're like, "Hey, if you come, hey, bring your Super Bowl ring cuz cuz I I'd like to see that." You know, I'd never have any of those things. I wouldn't be sitting on a podcast like this.

Um it's I'm sure it's the same thing for you. The first time that you tried running, you probably sucked.

Steve Weatherford19:15

Yeah. If it was easy, everyone would do it and it wouldn't be novel to win. Well, that's It'd be like, "Oh, everyone can do this." Yeah, people listen to a podcast or watch a podcast like this and they just would never assume that we sucked when we started.

Steve Weatherford19:28

Yeah. Yeah, there's a scripture in the Bible, Galatians 6:9, that says, "Do not grow weary in doing good, for in due season, you will reap." And this is the key, if you don't give up.

And I think, in order to be great at anything, uh you have to have the ability A, to have vision to where you want to go, but then also the ability to delay your gratification. And if you can't delay your gratification in anything, you'll never be great at anything. Yeah.

Steve Weatherford19:56

Uh I punted kind of like just cuz they didn't have a a punter, and I would say, if you compare field goal kicking to punting, punting's a lot more difficult

Yeah. because A, it requires you to catch the ball, so you have to have some degree of athleticism. And in high school and college, typically, your snappers are not very good.

Yeah. So, you have to be a little bit more athletic to punt, but then at the same time, you've got to drop the ball. Yeah. And the ball's moving as you're kicking it versus a field goal, the kick's good or bad. And the ball is sitting there and it's still. So, um field goal kicking came a lot more natural to me. And uh I hit some big big field goals when I was in high school, which got me a little bit of attention. And then when I went to the University of Illinois, we had like four or five kickers that were competing for the job.

And uh we didn't have a punter. And so, coach was like, "Well, you're probably not going to be the field goal kicker this year, but if you can learn how to punt, we've got a spot for you this year." And so, that's when uh I said, "Okay, well, all I want to do is get on the field, so whatever it takes." And so, I just began the process of of honing my craft and and learning how to watch game film and pay attention to like the finer details of how you're dropping the ball, just like anybody would want to get great at anything, like runners, for example.

You look at these guys that [clears throat] are able to put put together these incredible times, they study themselves. Of course.

They're looking at their stride. They're not just paying attention to their training, they're actually paying attention to the mechanics of what will make you great, what will make you efficient consistently. And I think in order to be a great pro athlete, it's not how good can you be one day, it's how consistently can you call upon that skill when it matters most.

Steve Weatherford22:12

Mhm. What What other schools were you considering? Um when I was 15 years old, because of a long field goal that I hit, I got a scholarship from the University of Indiana. So, the Hoosiers offered me first. I would say I probably had 15 or 16 different scholarship offers, but the thing I Looking back on it, the thing that got me to commit to the University of Illinois is I went on my official visit. I was a senior, and uh my second or my first semester of my senior year, took my official visit to the University of Illinois.

And the first night that I was on campus, I'm I met a girl that became my wife, and I think that was the determinative factor the determinative factor that got me to go to University of Illinois. And it was like an hour and a half from my hometown, which is important to me. I wanted to be close to home. And um and one thing that the coach told me that incentivized me even more was the fact that he would let me run track and play football at the same time and kicking and punting, I mean, I became really good at it, but it wasn't like it was a real athletic outlet for me.

I mean, what are you going to after a football game? Oh man, I really crushed the other one. There was no like athletic outlet for me. So, in the spring time, I ended up running track and I remember going out I was I was very good at track in high school, but I think there's a difference between somebody that's good in high school and somebody that's elite in college, especially at like the Big 10 level. And I remember sitting down with with our track coach and he was like, "You want to run You want to run track?

225 lbs?" He's and you're a hurdler and a high jumper? He's like, "Well, well, what's your time in the hurdles?" And I'm like, "Like 13.9, 14 flat." He's like, "Well, that's that's pretty good, but you'll be like the third best on our team." And he's like, "What about high jump? How What do you high jump?" I'm like, "My best is 6 ft 9." He's like, "Well, that's pretty good, but you'll be about third or fourth in that." And so, I remember after that meeting, he said, "You can be on the team.

You probably won't score too much points for the team, but we we'd be happy to have you." And I remember calling my dad and just being discouraged. Man, I'm I'm not good enough. He's like, "Well, have you ever thought about the decathlon, Steve?" I'm like, "Dad, I've never even seen a javelin. I don't know how to pole vault. I don't have know how to do the discus. I'm sure the the shot put's not that difficult." And so, I I showed up the next day and I was like, "Hey, coach Angel, what about the decathlon?" And he was like, "Well, we don't really have one.

So, if you want to try it, you can." And thankfully enough, long jump came pretty easy, shot put. So, the technical events of like pole vault and javelin, they took a little bit of time, but within 1 year, I was I broke the school record and and showed some upside, you know, not enough that I was Trey Hardee, but You know what?

Steve Weatherford25:05

I didn't know that.

Steve Weatherford25:58

We were good We were good my my redshirt freshman year. So, the year we won the the Sugar Bowl Yeah. was the only year that I didn't play. Oh. And I think we went 10 and 2. And then the next 4 years I think combined we won nine games. Mhm. So, I I won 10 games my my freshman year when I didn't play. And the next 4 years combined we won like nine or 10 games, which honestly for my position ended up working out really well cuz we punted

Steve Weatherford26:31

My senior year we played against Penn State and uh and Joe Paterno and I had 10 punts at halftime. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah, at at 52-yard average. And the great thing was we played really good teams, so I got a ton of practice and a ton of exposure.

Yeah. So, at what point in college did you think like I might have a shot at like going kicking at the next level? I think pretty early on um because it's very difficult to compare a college running back to a pro running back because the guys that you are trying to tackle you when you're in college are way different than the guys are trying to tackle you when you're in the NFL, but a 52-yard field goal in the pros is the same as a 52-yard field goal in college and so pretty early on I think my my freshman year I broke the the school record for punting average and it was at that point where people were like dude you you might have a a chance to to go to the pros and even when I was uh in high school I remember fooling around and and setting the ball up at like 63 yards and trying to break the NFL record and now granted

I had a little bit of wind at my back and the balls were kind of overinflated and all for I had 60-yard field goals when I was in high school so the dream of playing in the pros became I guess a little bit reasonable because measurably they were the same distance um but also it's pretty difficult to make it in the NFL as a kicker and punter because there's not a lot of turnover. Yeah. You know, once a guy gets in as an NFL kicker or punter unless he screws the pooch you're going to have a job for quite a while so it's kind of a coin flip whenever you leave college and go to the pros depending on what team that you go to and looking back on it it was a massive blessing because my college special teams coach Greg McMahon ended up leaving the University of Illinois and going to the Saints as the assistant special teams coach and uh I played

Out my senior year and then when I didn't get drafted you have different teams that will call you and offer you to to come in and compete for the job. I wanted to go to a team that would just give me a shot, you know? Um and And ended up going to New Orleans because my my special teams coach said, "Hey, if you come here, I don't know if you're going to make the team, but I promise you that you'll get at least 50% of the reps in training camp.

And if you perform well in training camp, there's going to be a team that will give you a shot." And thankfully, looking back on it, it was the biggest blessing because the first day of training camp, I was competing with a guy named Mitch Berger, and he was 10 years in the NFL. He was a Pro Bowler. Um and so on paper, it didn't really look like I was going to have a chance to beat him, but he tweaked his groin the first the first day of training camp, and I just I let it rip all of of training camp.

I was just hitting freaking Scud missiles the whole time. I didn't care how far that they returned the ball. I didn't care about the net punt. I just wanted to put up huge averages because I wanted other teams to notice whether or not I had what it takes. And And then, when training camp was over, Mitch went to the coach and said, "Oh, I'm I'm healthy now." So, then they actually cut me. I went to uh Atlanta the next day to try out for the Falcons.

Had a really good workout. I was about to sit down, and at the time, their coach was Jim Mora. And I was about to sit down with Jim Mora, and I had a phone call. I haven't told this story in a while. Um I pick up the phone, and it was Mickey Loomis, the general manager for the Saints. And they're like, "Hey, how's it going, Steven?" I thought he was just calling to tell me, "Hey, great job in preseason. Good luck. I think you know, you'll you'll have a shot." And he said, "Hey, where are you at?" And I was like, "Oh, I'm in Atlanta.

I just got done working out for the Falcons. It went really well. I'm about to sit down with the coach." And he's like, "Well, you you didn't sign anything yet, did you?" I was like, "No, sir." He goes, "Well, well, Mitch told us he's healthy, and he's not. And uh we've got a game in 4 days. Uh we want to sign you. Get on the next flight to New Orleans." And I was just so excited that like, "I'm going to be a pro." I just said, "Okay, well, book my ticket.

I'll I'll I'll be there this afternoon." If I was smart, I would've have like, "Well, what kind of signing bonus you going to give me?"

Steve Weatherford30:45

Honestly, if I would have told him, "Hey, I want a signing bonus." He probably would have laughed at me and then just gone to the next person on his Rolodex. I was a punter. It wasn't like I had any leverage. And I remember my signing bonus when I came out of college. Uh it was $5,000. And I actually borrowed money and previous to going and and signing that contract, I'd asked my my she's my wife now.

Uh I asked my girlfriend to marry me and I borrowed $5,000 from my dad to buy her ring. So, when I got my signing bonus, I just signed the check over to my dad. Living off the love.

Steve Weatherford31:31

Justin Tucker.

Steve Weatherford31:40

What do they call it? The yips?

Steve Weatherford31:50

Block.

Yes. And I think it was uh looking back on it now, it was all of the off-the-field stuff that uh I think was the influence in him really struggling as an athlete. I heard he got in trouble with some some women at some massage parlors. And uh and then he ended up having poor performances and then all that stuff came out and Baltimore was like, "Yeah, we're going to go ahead and let you go."

Steve Weatherford32:23

He was the the best kicker that's ever played and he went from the best to the worst.

Steve Weatherford32:29

Yeah. It's mental.

Steve Weatherford32:29

Played three seasons, well actually two and a half seasons with with the Saints and then I remember we went to Bank of America Stadium. We were having a rough season and I didn't have my best game. And long story short, they ended up cutting me in the locker room. What was that like?

Me at the stadium. Come on.

I'm not kidding you. And the reason the reason that they did

Steve Weatherford33:06

I'm on the Saints. I I had a a rough game. They didn't like return a touchdown or anything, but the coach was looking for somebody to set an example of and at the end of the game I showered, I get onto the bus and and we're about to leave and the way our schedule was arranged was we were actually going to leave from Charlotte, North Carolina to go to London and that was right about the era where they started to play the international games. And I had one of the assistant coaches grab me off of the bus and say, "Hey, coach wants to come talk to you." or wants you to come talk to him.

So, they pull me off of the bus, I go back into the locker room and and I go into the little coach's office and the conversation was about 60 seconds. He's like, "Hey, I just want to thank you for your service. We're going to release you now." I'm like, Wait wait what?

Like just like that. Work your whole life to become a pro and and I ended up getting cut and I walk out of his office and and I actually it's funny. I just found this napkin, but their general manager gave me a napkin and said, "Here's your flight itinerary home." And it had like, you know, United Airlines, all the different numbers or whatever. And so, I had this napkin in my hand and I walk out into and we're underneath the stadium and and I walk out and, you know, Jeremy Shockey and Drew Brees and all my teammates are walking out.

They're like, "All right, Weatherford, let's go. Let's get on the bus." I'm like, "I got cut." And they're like, "Yo, come on, man. Let's go." And then I'm like, "No, I'm I'm serious. I I just got cut." And so, I watched all my teammates get onto the bus, and I'll never [clears throat] forget the sounds of the Graham bus and the air brake you know, going into park and watching two buses full of my teammates and my friends pulling off. And I'm standing there holding my bags.

And I felt like my life's over. Yeah.

Because my whole identity, Ken, was I'm an athlete. And I'd never been cut. I'd never been rejected. I'd never been not enough as an athlete. Now, as a student, as a friend, as a son, relatively speaking, I felt like a failure. But sports were like the one place, Ken, where like when I'm here, I'm the man.

Yeah. And now, I don't even have that. And I remember calling my wife, and we'd just gotten married. Um she's like 9 months pregnant. And I call her going, "I got some good news, and I got some bad news." And she's like, "Okay, what is it?" I go, "Well, the bad news is is I don't have a job. I just got cut." And she's like, "Well, what's the good news?" I go, "Well, the good news is I'm I'm not going to Europe, and I'll be home tomorrow." And um she's like, "Say that again?" And so, I shared it with her.

She goes, "Okay. Well, we'll we'll figure it out." And I ended up having to ask for a ride from the guy that cuts the grass, like the groundskeeper. He gave me a ride from Bank of America Stadium to a hotel in downtown Charlotte. And I remember getting into my hotel cuz all of the flights from Charlotte back to New Orleans were were sold out cuz all the the fans are flying home.

Yeah. So I had to wait till the next day, Monday, to fly home. And I remember going back to my hotel room and just like sitting there cuz I didn't graduate from college. I left like a semester early, so I don't have any skills. I don't have a degree. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life and I I grew up going to church and and things like that, but I was like, "Yeah, that's for other people. It's not for me." I just seen a lot of like religious hypocritical people and um I remember going back to my hotel room and being like, "God gave me this gift and and I I blew it." And and I remember laying on my bed just staring at the ceiling, Ken, and I hear this voice, an audible voice, saying, "I haven't brought you this far to leave you now." And I get up out of bed, and it's clear as day.

It's not in my mind that I'm hearing this. And and I stand up and I I'm like, "Hello?" And I hear the voice again saying, "I haven't brought you this far to leave you now." So at this point, I'm I'm starting to freak out. I go in the bathroom and I'm like pulling back the shower curtain. I'm looking underneath the bed. I'm looking for like a person or a speaker that's like that's where this is coming from. And and I can't find anybody or anything, and I hear the voice again for the third time.

And it sounds like it's coming from the window. And so I'm on the 13th floor in downtown Charlotte, and I go up to the window and I look down, and there's like this little park, and there's nobody in the park except for this tiny little black guy uh with a like a PA system, and he's preaching, but he's not preaching to anyone. He's just speaking, I guess, what what God's telling him to say. And so, I like lean my face up against the window. I'm like looking down and listening.

And and I probably for 10 minutes, I'm just listening to everything this little man is saying. And every single thing that he's saying is like he's speaking to me. And so, after like 10 minutes of it, I'm like, I'm going down there. So, I take the elevator down and I walk into this little park and I sit on the park bench. And this guy's got his PA system and he's talking like he has a whole congregation of people, but it's just me. And so, eventually, he just puts the mic down and he comes and he sits down next to me.

He's like, I feel like something's troubling you, man. And I'm like, My life's over. I I'm going to have a kid in a week or two. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like God blessed me and I I blew it, man. And so, we pray and uh I remember flying home and um the day I got home, my my son was born. And I'm like, well, I guess this is just what life's going to be like now. I'm going to figure this out, but at least I was home for the birth of my son.

And um and my wife and I were trying to figure things out. And looking back on it now, like I believe that God put that little street preacher in Charlotte, North Carolina to speak to me cuz he wasn't speaking to anybody else. And uh and it makes me think about the things that I'm doing now. Sometimes they feel like I'm not making a difference or like I'm insignificant. I'm I love coming on a big podcast like this and I believe it'll impact a lot of people, but I feel like there's a lot of times where God is asking you and I to do things that just don't make sense.

And you're like, nobody's going to listen. There's nobody even here. But I've learned through life being 43 years old now that uh it's a whole lot better to be obedient than it is to have all of the answers. You know, um I wish I could find out who that little guy was because he changed my life. And I think the the reason he changed my life is because he was being obedient. Um and I remember getting back from that and in the NFL um they have what's called the waiver wire, which means when you get cut it gives every team in the NFL the opportunity to claim your uh your contract.

And then now you'll just be on their team. And I remember getting claimed off of waivers by the Arizona Cardinals, by the Pittsburgh Steelers, and then the Kansas City Chiefs. And depending on your record, the worst team gets the first opportunity to claim you. And so the the the three teams that claimed me, two of those teams ended up playing in the Super Bowl. And I ended up going to the the Kansas City Chiefs and at the time they were like, I don't know, two and nine.

They're terrible. And their fran- their their franchise was terrible, their facilities were awful. But to me, I was just glad to be in the NFL on my own. I'm like, God, you're giving me another chance. And then I ended up playing two games for the Chiefs. And the only reason that they needed a punter is because Dustin Colquitt, their punter, ended up he was like shaving something off of his cleats with an X-ACTO knife and he cut his finger real bad. So they only needed me for two games.

So I played two games for the Chiefs and then I got cut. And then after I got cut, I told my agent, I'm like, well, call the Steelers. Call the Arizona Cardinals. And he's like, yeah, I did. Uh the position's been filled. So now I'm at home. I got no job.

Steve Weatherford42:21

The same season.

Ah. So a lot of people they'll watch this podcast and you know, maybe the the the the caption or the thumbnail of this is like world champion marathon runner and world champion football player, but people don't know one of the first records that I ever set in the NFL was the most teams started for in one season. I started

That's honest. Three teams in one season because I'd been cut so much. So like I got my PhD in rejection in my third season of the NFL and so that verse uh Galatians 6:9 means a lot to me. My son actually has it tattooed on his arm. And I'll say it again, do not grow weary in doing good, for in due season you will reap if you don't give up. And I remember getting cut for the second time and thinking like, well, now it really is over.

And a few weeks after that, Jacksonville Jaguars, the other worst team in the NFL,

Called me and said, hey, we want you to come in for a tryout. And there was like four other guys in the tryout. I ended up performing really well. I got that job. Played the last seven games of that season and then I ended up getting cut again. Jesus. And so yeah, I think it's easy to to do a podcast like this and people think it's just smooth sailing, but um listening to your story and all of the stuff that you went through, but the reason that you're here right now is because you didn't give up.

Steve Weatherford43:53

Actually, there's something on my phone. Let me look it up. This is actually it's funny. I just thought of this.

Steve Weatherford44:16

Yeah, so true. I I saw this um This is in my phone from eight years ago, and this is speaking to people that might be listening to this podcast that in their mind they haven't made it yet. They don't have like a a championship or a or a business exit or like something great

Yeah. they've done in their life. It's a list of people that you and I probably will recognize all of their names, but they didn't make it until much later in life. Um at age 23, Tina Fey, we've heard of Tina Fey. Tina Fey was working at YMCA. At age 23, Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first reporting job. At age 24, Stephen King was working as a janitor and living in a trailer. At age 27, Vincent Van Gogh failed as a missionary and decided to go to art school.

At age 28, J.K. Rowling, um that was the the gal that

Harry Potter. Yeah, Harry Potter was suicidal parent living on welfare. And I want people to listen to this. At age 30, Harrison Ford was a carpenter. At age 30, Martha Stewart was a stockbroker. At Julia Child released her first cookbook at 49. Vera Wang, that's my my wife's uh wedding dress, yeah. Vera Wang failed to make the Olympic figure skating team and didn't get editor-in-chief position at Vogue and design her first dress until she was 40. Stanley, he just passed away, didn't release his first comic book until he was 38.

Samuel Jackson didn't get his first movie role until he was 41. Morgan Freeman landed his first major movie role at 52. And then I wrote down underneath this, whatever your dream is, it's not too late to achieve it. You aren't a failure because you haven't found fame and fortune by the age of 21. It's okay if you don't even know what your dream is yet. Even if you're flipping burgers, waiting tables, or answering phones today, you never know you where you'll end up tomorrow. Never tell yourself you're too old to make it.

Never tell yourself you missed your chance. Never tell yourself you aren't good enough. You can do it, whatever it is. I love it. Ain't that powerful? Very. That's why that's why I feel like podcasts like this where real men will share real things. Scripture says it's the blood of the lamb, it's Jesus Christ, and the word of our testimony that sets the captives free. And that's my whole life now. And as I travel the world, and sometimes it's on big stages with thousands of people, and sometimes it's just sitting down on a park bench at a at a gas station and sharing with somebody what you've been through because I think it's so easy for us to say people would never understand or relate to what I've been through.

And you and I have had some conversations, and your book has revealed to me so much of what you've been through that I'm like, dang. You and I are like very, [clears throat and snorts] very similar. And that's the whole reason, aside from me wanting to support you and be a great friend, that I'm here because I'm believing that somebody's going to watch this or listen to this and realize I'm worthy. And the only thing that I need to do is not give up because if I can keep going and keep pressing in and and keep having hope then my breakthrough is tomorrow.

Steve Weatherford48:31

Got me through like to the next day. But, I think at that at that moment I I had the revelation that God is real. Okay. You know, like I felt like in that moment that God was using that man to be a messenger for me. And kind of to your point, I think when we hear other people's stories, we can do one of two things. It can give you permission or it can cause you to minimize what you've been through. An example would be my college roommate.

His name was Morris Virgil. And he grew up with no dad, he grew up in a foster home, he grew up never feeling loved, he was beaten, he was abused, was not loved well. And when I heard his story, I'm like holy crap, I'm never going to complain about my childhood because my dad is amazing. Now, granted my dad is a little bit more like Clint Eastwood, like he would communicate through looking at me and not necessarily words. Like I would get home, sometimes he would look at me and be like I would like go through like do I did I clean my room?

Did I take the trash out? Um My dad didn't sit me on his lap and rub my back and tell me I'm a good boy, but he was there. Yeah. And so, when I met my friend Morris who never had a dad, who never went to his games. My dad went to every college football game that I ever played in. I mean, he would drive to Penn State 18 hours to watch his son punt six times. I'd be on the field for 42 seconds and my dad would drive 36 hours just to be there.

Yeah. It wasn't like he was a big punting fan. Yeah.

He In his mind, he wanted to be the dad that showed up. And so, because I had a dad like that, I compared my story and my adversity or trauma to other people's and I was like, "Well, my trauma wasn't there, so like I shouldn't complain." And so, I didn't give I didn't give weight to what I had been through, but then as you grow a little bit wiser and you read some books and you realize how much ages 1 through 8 really develop your mind and your identity.

And so, if you don't have people in your life that tell you who you are, the world's going to tell you who you are. Yeah. That's a great point. There's a scripture in Romans chapter 12 verse 2 that says, "Do not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." And um and if we don't have parents and we don't have people in our lives that tell us who we are, we are just going to accept what the world tells us we are.

And that's why we see in society today, um I feel like the the craziest thing is, we live in the greatest country in the world and we are the most fatherless country in the world.

Yeah. We have less dads that actually show up. And it makes sense. Like, I think Europe is freaking laughing at us right now with this they/them crap and and the uh oh, you can go to whatever bathroom that you want. The fact that people that people negotiate what a man and a woman is, that you can just choose it based upon how you feel. And we got some of these kids that are like dressing up and identifying as cats or dogs, and that's not to be funny.

That's literally the world that we live in, and I believe that all, not some of, all of those issues that we face in America would be fixed if men stood up and started to be fathers, because that's We don't have a We have an identity issue. It's really what it is. And if we had fathers that would tell our sons and our daughters who they are, not who the world says that we are, I believe that things would be completely different.

Steve Weatherford54:00

Yeah. How did that problem develop? I didn't have a uh a a pill problem or porn problem. I had a pain problem. And as I was like reading and listening to your books uh or your book it became very very clear that it was the same thing for you and I don't want to speak for you but it seemed like you had trouble dealing with your emotions and your feelings and whenever you took pills you didn't have to deal with them anymore.

Steve Weatherford54:32

Um and I feel like the genesis of it for me really started I don't know probably kindergarten cuz I grew up with two brothers and a sister which they grew up the same way that I did. Granted they're built a little different than me. Um I don't own this label but the world would say oh he's got ADHD. And if we're not careful the diagnosis that the world gives us could be our identity and I remember before I even got a diagnosis I remember realizing how much different than I am from my family but I didn't realize how much different than I am from everybody else until I went to kindergarten and I had 27 kids in my kindergarten class and I got sent to the principal's office the first five days in a row.

So Monday through Friday the first week I ended up in the principal's office getting whooped cuz it was in Baton Rouge, Louisiana where the rules were a little bit looser and I remember this paddle board that was in my principal's office that had like his fraternity letters on it and holes through it so when you got hit, it hurt a little bit more.

Yeah. And I remember associating my inability to sit still and to pay attention as bad. And and and because I couldn't sit still and I couldn't listen, I got punished. And I got beat. And I remember one week into kindergarten just hating myself because all I wanted to do, Ken, was like be a good boy. Yeah. I didn't want to get in trouble. I didn't want to like not be able to sit still. And I thought the craziest thing was is like I'd get in trouble and then it was when it was time to go out for recess, part of my punishment was I had to stand on the wall.

So for a kid that needed to move around and get his wiggles out, when it was time to do that, I'm going to make him sit still and watch all the other kids play? Oh my god.

And so when I would go back into the class, I I didn't get any of my wiggles out and so the we just the pattern would just continue to to do that. And I remember at probably 8 years old was the first time where I started to have any type of like healthy pride. And that was when I was playing soccer or playing basketball because that was the only that was like the first place that I was celebrated because of my hyperactivity or my impulsive quick second making decisions because in an athlete, if you don't hesitate and make quick decisions well, which my brain makes decisions very fast, it was celebrated because as other people are hesitating, I already got the ball and I put it in the goal and you're thinking about who do I pass it to, you know?

And I remember going to like Sunday school. We went to church. Um I heard a pastor say one time, he goes, "Yeah, I had a drug problem when I was a kid." I was like, "Oh man, I I can relate to this guy." He He "Yeah, my parents drugged me to church every chance they got." Um and that's how my parents were. I was Wednesday nights, Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, I would get dragged to church. And um and I remember going to Sunday school and every single Sunday, I'd get kicked out of Sunday school for the same reason as I would in school.

But you're thinking, man, it's church. This is place where everybody's accepted, right? And the crazy thing was is I would get kicked out of Sunday school and for a lot of those years, my mom was the Sunday school teacher. And she's the most loving, most gentle person ever. But if there's nine other people in Sunday school, Ken, and you got one kid that's making a ruckus, you have to remove them so the other kids can learn. And I remember my mom would be doing these different games to make like memorizing Bible verses fun and engaging and she would give Tootsie Rolls or prizes if people would know the verses.

And um and I am intelligent and I've got great memory. And I remember I'd be sitting in the hallway like leaning up against the door listening. And my mom would say, you know, "Uh does anybody know this verse?" And I'd like, "I know it." And I would like say it from outside of the room. And I just remember my mom saying, "Steven, you're not eligible for the prize." From outside in the hallway. And I remember just more rejection and just feeling like not enough. Um but man, when I played sports, I remember like other parents coming up to me and be like, "Man, Steve, like you weren't on this team last year and we didn't win any games.

And since you joined the team, we haven't lost yet. You're such a difference maker. You're you're this, you're that." It was the first time that I remember adults telling me, "You're amazing." And one of the ways that my dad raised me that I think made me really great, but also caused me to like really beat myself up is he taught me how to be very critical of myself. And as an athlete, when you're very critical of yourself, it helps you to identify what needs to improve and to focus on it.

But when you grow up, I grew up with a mindset of I only pay attention to what I'm not good at.

Yeah. And I would never celebrate any of the stuff that I did well. And um because of getting kicked out of church and you know, these [clears throat] different things, like I I never really felt wanted or loved or celebrated when I was at church because all they did was talk about the commandments and the rules and don't have sex before you get married and don't say curse words and don't, you know, do the fun stuff. And so I didn't want anything to do with that, but then at 11 years old, I had somebody that invited me to an event that was kind of sort of a church event, but not really.

It was called the power team. And the power team and I grew up loving WWF, not WWE, those guys are [ __ ] I'm not And I love Logan Paul, but I'm not talking about uh John Cena and Logan Paul. I'm talking about Ravishing Rick Rude. I'm talking about Macho Man Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan, you know, the real OGs. I grew up loving those guys and I remember watching them on TV and my dad's such a good good man, but he he'd walk by and if he saw me watching wrestlers on TV, he'd say, "Turn that crap off.

Those men are this, they're egotistical, they're that, they only care about themselves." And at the end of the day, like he was probably right, but man, were they so cool. Their arms were so big and they were so strong and Hulk Hogan always wins and he loves America. But he's like, "Watch, as soon as he wins this match, he's going to he's going to win, he's going to put his arms up and he's going to tell everybody how good he is. Everything's about him. Yeah. And sure enough, he was right.

But then my dad would walk away, he'd turn the TV off, and he'd walk out of the room, and I'd turn it back on, cuz I loved it.

Yeah. I loved the confidence and the aggressiveness. Um and then so back to the story about the power team. I was 11 years old and it was in Baton Rouge, Louisiana at this church called Come Meet Baptist Church. And um my dad took me and I remember walking into this church and uh it was a collection of like six to eight guys that looked like Macho Man Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan. Just the biggest men that I've ever seen. 6'6, you know, former pro athletes and college athletes, and it was before the internet.

So I had never seen I'd never gone to a pro game or a college game. I'd never seen men this big. So I remember walking in and seeing the biggest men that I've ever seen doing the most incredible things that I've ever seen. They would stack up bricks as tall as them, and they would freaking break them. And then they would take Major League Baseball bats and bust them over their knee. And I remember being front row. And and like pieces of of the bricks and and of the the bats would fly off into the the crowd, and I remember holding them in my hand.

I'm like, "This is real. This is not a stunt." Just being completely blown away, but also being shocked because the church that I grew up in, you had to wear khakis, you had to tuck your shirt in, and you had to like act the part. But I would also see the men that would go to this church, and they'd have their shirt tucked in, but as soon as church was over, they'd go in the parking lot, spark up cigarettes, and mother F this and mother F that.

They were not like they didn't want to be at church. And I walked in and seen these guys that looked like Macho Man Randy Savage, but they also showcased a different part of being a man that I had never seen. So they had this one guy, his name was Keith Craft. He um at the end [clears throat] of the the the strength concert, essentially what it was, is he shared his testimony of of his life and what he he'd been through and and how God saved him and delivered him and how he'd been set free and how Jesus is the answer.

And I'm like, "Hold on a second. This 6'6" 280-lb guy is talking about the same Jesus as the church with the khaki-wearing Christians. I don't know about that Jesus, but the Jesus this guy's talking about because I saw the same unbelievable athleticism as of professional athletes, but also this when he started talk about Jesus, he just started crying. And I'm like, he was gentle and he was kind and I'm like, "I want to be just like that." And when I grew up, I had these dreams of living this huge life, of being this athlete and being confident and being buff and all these different things, but I all always remember that dream being discouraged by the church people because they're like, "That's not important.

You need to do this and you shouldn't drive a Cadillac to church. You should give your money to the poor." And I was like, "Hold on a second. So, if I follow Jesus, I can't have fun and have nice things, you know?" Um I don't want anything to do with that because I felt like God put dreams inside of me that I I wanted to go do and be, but then I go to church and they're telling me that's not what God wants you to do.

And it was like this weird battle. And then I saw this guy and he was a picture of possibility for me. I'm like, "Man, if I can be a man of God and be like that, that's what I want." So, he gives his testimony. At the end of his testimony, he said, "Hey, officer, come on up here." And he signaled to a Baton Rouge police officer to come forward. He said, "Put these handcuffs on me." And I I'm 10 ft away from this guy. I can hear the chains.

I know they're real. And he said, "These chains represent the bondage that the enemy has on you." And he says, "And this is not enough for my God." And he said, "Officer," and he's holding the microphone while he's handcuffed, "bring another pair of handcuffs up." He puts on two pairs of Baton Rouge Police Department handcuffs. And he goes, "I'm going to count from 10 to 1, and then I'm going to break these chains with the power of God." And so he counts down from 10. He does it in this extraordinarily dramatic fashion.

And then when I saw the chains fly, I'm like, "That's what I want to be." And he goes, "And if you want to be like this, and you want the power of God, you need Jesus in your life." And if And he explained the gospel of Jesus Christ. He said, "This is not about religion. This is about a relationship with God. And if you hear my voice right now, and you feel like you've made mistakes." And I'm like, "Oh, yeah, that's me." "If you feel like you don't fit in." I'm like, "Oh my God, that's me." He's like, "I believe that today's the day that you're going to give your life to God." I'm like, "Oh, yeah, that's me." He goes, "I'm going to count to three.

And if you feel like I'm speaking to you, I want you to raise your hand." I threw both of my hands up. I'm like, "I want that Jesus." And I I prayed the prayer of salvation, which is essentially saying, "God, I repent of my sins, and I confess with my mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord. And I invite him into my heart." And I remember praying that prayer. And I remember something like like an energy, like a peace, like I just I finally felt like I'm enough.

Maybe I don't fit in in my family. Maybe I don't fit in in Sunday school. Maybe I don't fit in when I go to school. But this guy says the way that I am is exactly how God designed me to be this unique different way. God has a plan for me and he also shared a verse with me, Jeremiah 29:11, where it says, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." And I was like, "Man, if God made me this way on purpose, I don't understand it, but I believe it in Jesus' name." And for the next 6 months, my mom didn't have to tell me to read my Bible, my mom didn't need to tell me to brush my teeth or say my prayers.

I belong to God and I want to be good and God will help me be good. And um I went from 6th grade into 7th grade and I went to this this school called Family Christian Academy. And um I actually got a scholarship to go there. They let me go to school for free if I would played sports because they noticed I was a good athlete. And I had this teacher and for to honor him, I won't use his real name. So, Mr. Johnson was uh was a man that took a special interest in me.

And I love and I honor my dad, but my dad grew up with a really old school dad

Yeah. didn't love on him, didn't tell him who he was. But this guy, every time I went into Mr. Johnson's class, he had something encouraging to say to me. Hey Steve, like I like your new haircut. Hey Steve, I can tell you're working out, man. Your legs look really strong. It's just Hey Steve, great job on the on the test last week. I know like you only got a C plus, but I can tell you gave really good effort. And he just really celebrated me and I got words of affirmation.

And and I had a man in my life that I admired that told me who I was. Yeah. And uh I didn't realize it at the time, but he was grooming me. And he asked me to stay after class one day and he came up behind me and he started like rub my shoulders. He's like, "Hey, what I want to tell you, man, you're just you're really special. Like you're you're different than the other boys. Get up. Give Give me a hug." And I stood up out of my chair and I remember him hugging from behind, and the next thing I know his hands are are going down my stomach.

Oh man, and he's commenting about my body. And the next thing I know as I I hear the metal of my belt undo, and he pulls my pants down, and then I black out. And the next memories, praise God, the next memories that I have is when everything was over, and I'm pulling my pants up, and I'm running out of the I'm running out of the classroom. My heart's beating out of my chest. I go to my next class, and and I remember just burying my head in the desk and and crying.

And the teacher comes up and he's like, "What's wrong?" And I'm like, I couldn't speak. He's like, "Maybe you need to go talk to the counselor." So, they walked me down to the counselor, and I walked in there, and I just exploded in tears. And and they were like, "What's wrong?" And I couldn't say anything. So, they asked my parents to come in. The next thing that I know my parents are coming in, and and because I had so much shame, I didn't want to say what happened.

And so, I just said the teacher touched me and made me feel really uncomfortable. I didn't tell them like how far it went. And um and I told myself, I said, "I'm I'm never going to tell anybody what happened." And uh and it was at that point that I really really started to hate myself because I told myself, I'm like, "Man, if I ever tell anybody what happened to me, these feelings of of feeling broken and dirty and unlovable, well, they're confirmed now. They would definitely never love me." And um and so, I just kind of like package that up, put it in the basement of my life, never to speak of it again.

And about 6 months after that, at that same school, I had a uh I had one of the one of my my friends at school give me a porno VHS tape and I knew because how I was raised that I wasn't supposed to watch that but I remember seeing it and like I liked it. I thought it was exciting and then I was like I discovered masturbation and now I'm like man you watch pornos and then you do this thing and like these fireworks go off in my brain and like feels good.

And so it became like this new drug for me that when I'm feeling rejected, when I'm feeling abandoned, when I'm feeling lonely, when I feel like not enough, I can sneak off into a private place and and these fireworks go off in my brain and it makes me forget about how I'm feeling just like maybe for you or for other people alcohol or pills or sex or making a lot of money or being known and loved by people you get this high from and so it became it became this like dirty little secret that I have and um and I remember going to high school and um just being really confused because I had no attraction to men but now I thought well because this happened like does this make me gay?

And I was so scared to ask my dad because I thought like what if he says yeah, you're a [ __ ] now. And I don't love you. I don't want you anymore. I already kind of felt like maybe my dad doesn't love me. Um so I get into high school and I was watching VHS tapes with my mom a couple of years ago and she paused it in the middle of one of my basketball games. She goes look at your face. Look at those other little boys faces and those other little boys are like hey basketball is fun.

But then she paused she look at your face. And I was She said, "That's how your face looked in every game that you ever played." And And it was like a revelation to me. Sports were not fun for me. Sports were not like an athletic outlet. I was desperate to be a winner because if I was a winner, maybe just maybe, Ken, I could be enough to be loved. And so looking back when I said earlier like I didn't get to enjoy any of the stuff that I did is because I wasn't competing to win.

I was competing to be enough. Um and you fast forward I mean, that's why I played four sports in high school is because if I wasn't winning, I'm a piece of [ __ ] I'm worthless. And I was desperate to have my dad and and other people tell me that I'm good, tell me that I'm a winner, tell me that I'm a love enough. Four sport all state, first person in my family to get a scholarship, set all of these records. And with everything that I achieved, I thought at some point like my dad's going to pull me aside and be like I'm proud of you.

And um with every achievement, when I didn't get that, obviously didn't celebrate it and I'll just move on to Well, if he didn't tell me I'm enough and I'm I'm worthy when I got a scholarship, maybe if I become all conference. Well, I'm all conference now. Maybe if I become all American. Well, I'm an all American. Maybe I need to be all American in two sports. And so looking back on it, I didn't have this incredible drive to achieve because I loved it. I had this incredible drive to achieve because I wanted to be enough.

And um I remember calling my dad after the Saints said, "Hey, you're going to be a New Orleans Saint. You're going to be a New Orleans Saint on Sunday. Like, you made the team." And I remember calling my dad and saying, "Dad, they're stitching our last name on the back of New Orleans Saints jersey. I'm number seven. And to my right, Dad, you're never going to believe it. The guy next to me is number nine, Drew Brees. Hey Dad, the guy to the other side of my locker, number five, Reggie Bush.

Dad, I I made it. I'm a pro." And I expected my dad to say, "I'm so proud of you." And the next thing that he said was, "Well, hey, I want you to understand like you're not like Drew Brees and you're not like Reggie Bush. If they have a bad game week one, they're going to have that locker on Monday. You won't. You need to stay focused." And looking back on it, it wasn't like my dad was trying to like crap in my Easter basket. He grew up with a dad that was very critical of him.

And so I think in my dad's mind, he wasn't being critical of me. He was keeping me focused because my whole life they said, "Steve, you have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder." Which means, in my dad's mind, I need to make sure that I keep my son focused. And so, I guess in my dad's mind, if he celebrated me or held me high, I'd lose my focus and I'd relax. And so much of the way that your brain works and my brain works, that was formulated from ages four to about 10.

That's what science says. And my opinion of myself

Steve Weatherford1:16:35

At ages four to 10 was I'm different than other people. And because I'm different, it's not a good thing. And so I began to be very critical of myself. And so anytime I would do something great, like win a championship, it was very easy for me to give the credit to my coaches and to my teammates. And it was never because of me. But if we lost, it was my fault. Um and so looking back on on my athletic career, I don't remember any moment where I was like I'm a stud.

I'm good. Like I'm worthy. Even like the night I won the Super Bowl. It was February 5th, 2012. And I had the greatest game of my life in the biggest game of my life. I set a Super Bowl record for most punts inside the 10-yard line. My first punt of the game was down to the 2-yard line. And the very next play was Justin Tuck sacking Tom Brady in the end zone for the first two points of the Super Bowl. And I'll never forget Justin Tuck, 6'6", 280 lbs, coming up to me.

I'm on the sideline, just this little punter. And he grabs my shoulder pads. He goes, "You're the reason that that happened, man. You're amazing." And I remember just being like, I think that was like the first time that somebody like really told me like I'm I'm a big difference-maker. And it started to get in a little bit cuz I respected Justin so much.

Steve Weatherford1:18:24

Yeah.

Steve Weatherford1:18:43

Well, that's what the enemy does. The enemy conformed to me to think something of myself than what was the truth. It's kind of like uh remember going to the carnival when we were little kids and you'd go in the you would go in the the little maze and they would have mirrors in the maze that would give a reflection to you that was not accurate.

Yeah. You would go in front of a mirror that would make you look really short and fat or really tall and skinny and I feel like the enemy loves to conform the beauty of what God made. And um and I remember when the Super Bowl was over and the confetti's coming down and my first impulse is like, "Where's my son?" So, I find my son in the bleachers and I pull him out. The confetti's coming down and and I remember I get up like pull on my jersey and I turn around.

It's freaking Al Roker. I grew up watching this little guy and he said, "Hey Steve, what's it feel like to be a Super Bowl champion?" And he throws the mic in my face. And uh and I was it was such a surreal moment, Ken, that I looked at him and I go, "Oh my gosh, you're Al Roker."

And he's holding the microphone waiting for me to speak and I just looked at him in shock. And he was like, "Okay." And he just moved on to the That That was my post-game interview. That was like my moment. He was like, "What's it feel like to be a Super Bowl champion?" And my only answer was, "Oh my gosh, you're Al Roker." And and I remember going up onto the stage and

Steve Weatherford1:20:22

They handed me the trophy and I had such a great performance in this game and it's on TV. It's documented. Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth were said at halftime, I don't think we've ever said this before, but if we voted for a Super Bowl MVP at halftime, it would be the punter, Steve Weatherford. So, it's the biggest game of my life, and I had the greatest, most impactful game of my life, and I remember them handing me the Lombardi Trophy, and the only thing I could think of, where's my dad?

And I find him, and I'm I'm handing this trophy to him, and I'm expecting like the heavens to open up, and my dad to say, I am so proud of you. And I remember him taking the trophy and looking at it, and then just going to show my mom. You know, and this is not a shot at my dad. My dad is a wonderful I honor him. He had no idea these things were going on inside of me. Um and I remember getting back to my hotel room that night, you know, we went to the Super Bowl party afterwards, and freaking Kenny Chesney's there, and it's it it was crazy.

And I always said, man, if I ever win a Super Bowl, I'm going to get so wasted, it's going to be unbelievable. And I remember getting to the Super Bowl party and having one beer, and looking at my wife and saying, I don't want to feel any different, because everybody was just telling me how great I am. And I remember getting back to my hotel room, swiping the key card, and walking into my room, and putting my bag down, and sitting on the the bed, and turning the TV on, and ESPN's on, and like they're showing my highlights.

A a punter. Now, granted, there's been games that I've played in where like I felt like I was stealing, because I got paid all this money, and like I didn't really do much. But in this game, I I did it, Ken. And I remember watching these highlights, and it was the first time that I was able to have like my own thoughts with myself. And I just remember like not feeling any different. And then I hear this noise up at the window. So, I walk over to the window and I look down and it looks like Mardi Gras in downtown Indianapolis.

It's 2:00 in the morning and you can't even hardly see the street. There's just a mob of people and they're partying, they're taking selfies, they're taking shots, they just look so happy. I remember noticing they don't even have Giants jerseys on. These people are having the time life and their team didn't even win. They're just happy to be somewhere where something great happened. And here I am 17 flights up. Had the greatest game of my life in the biggest game of my life. And I don't feel any different.

And I just remember this weight, this like just heaviness of like depression coming over me because I realized everything I sacrificed to experience this moment and I don't feel any different. And I think for people watching or listening to this can probably resonate with having a goal or an achievement in their in their mind of like an amount of money or like hey, when I get to this place, I'm going to be enough or I'm going to feel okay. I'm in that moment because I know that I'm about to sign a multi-million dollar cuz I did this on my contract year.

And um and I'm in that moment and I don't feel any different. And I knew in that moment was my sixth year in the NFL, I knew in that moment that the amount of time that I was going to spend in the NFL, those days were numbered because I realized that for me to do or achieve more in the NFL was going to require so much more. And when I realized how little did it gave me, I just knew that this was not what my life was supposed to be about.

I knew it had to be something more, and I didn't know exactly what it was, but I knew that there was a hole inside of me that needed to be filled, and the NFL and money and fame were not going to do it.

Steve Weatherford1:24:43

Looking back at it now, it was a god-sized hole, but I didn't realize that in the moment. So, a couple weeks after that, I ended up signing a 5-year contract for $13 million, a $4 million signing bonus, and didn't feel any different about myself. I was very happy to bless my family, um but I didn't grow up with much money, and having money didn't make me feel any different. And so, I ended up playing 3 years of that 5-year contract, and then out of nowhere, I retired.

And my dad, my mom, my coaches, my friends, my wife were like, "What are you doing? You're walking away from millions of dollars for 6 months of work. You're a punter. It's not that hard." And at the end of the day, like, I I I knew what they were saying, but I had saved enough money that I knew that I had about 36 months to figure it out.

Steve Weatherford1:27:17

Yeah, I know. And the first time I took a Percocet felt like I got a warm hug from God. You know, like every all of the feelings of inadequacy and and fear and doubt, they were gone and I was like the happiest person ever. And so that turned into um drugs turned into alcohol turned into massage parlors while I'm married, then the guilt and the shame of not being the husband that I knew I was supposed to be and my wife is such a unbelievable faithful loving wife, she didn't deserve it and so I'm never going to tell her this.

Um and so I just bundled that up and put that down in the basement next to the stuff that we talked about earlier. And so there is just so much shame, there was so much guilt, there was and and here's the deal. It was my fault. And I thought maybe I can achieve some things that would make it better or make it go away. And I'm retired, my marriage is falling apart, I've got four kids and and my wife's like, "Well, this ESPN thing's not working.

Like, why don't we just move to San Diego? That's where we spent all of our NFL offseasons. Maybe you can be happy there." So, the day before we're about to go to San Diego, I was like, "I'm not going." She's like, "What do you mean?" I'm like, "I'm not going." She's like, "Well, I'm taking the kids and I'm going to San Diego." And so, like right before she left, I decided to go and um I'm suicidal at this point. I like everything that I love, I'm ruining.

I get out to San Diego and um we're out there for maybe a month and because I'm so unhappy, depressed, anxious, suicidal, I didn't have the self-awareness that I have right now. And I said

Steve Weatherford1:29:25

Oh, yeah. And where are you getting them?

E- even worse. Doctors?

Yeah, anywhere.

Steve Weatherford1:29:30

No, not on the street. No, I mean, I'm a pro athlete, you know, I've got I've got back injuries, you know.

Yeah. So, I had no problem getting the uh getting the Percocets, but now I'm in California, you can get as much weed as you want, too. Yeah. So, now I'm going to psychiatrists and psychologists and hypnotherapists to try to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm doctor medicating, I'm self-medicating, I'm just like just trying to feel okay. None of it's working and I'm like I'm praying that one of these doctors is going to say, "Oh, here it is. You've got bipolar type two. That's why you have these extreme highs and lows and you have this incredible impulse problem control.

Um, but nobody would tell me what was wrong with me. Um, and I remember sitting my kids down and saying, "Your mom doesn't love me anymore. We're getting separated." I blamed everything on her. And um, and I ended up leaving the house and renting an Airbnb for $79 above somebody's garage in Solana Beach, California in San Diego. And and I remember having a about a pound of weed next to my bed and a Glock 17 9 mm thinking to myself like, "How can I make it look like an accident?" And uh, because I my family's better without me, better without me here being here.

And um, and during that time that I was separated from my wife, it wasn't very long. It was like a week and a half. I had a friend that said, "Hey, maybe you should go to church with me." And he had no idea what I was struggling with, but he's like, he could tell, "You ain't right." And so I called my wife. I was like, "I want to come home. Will you go to church with me?" And she's like, "Okay." So, there's a church, at the time it was called C3, and now it's been renamed Awaken Church in San Diego.

I remember showing up to that church 10 minutes late because I knew they had those like overly joyful people outside of the church, you know, the greeters with the bright shirts with the bright shirts that will meet you at the door being like, "Hey, how are you?" And and I knew if if they asked me, "Hey, how are you doing?" then I would tell them, "I want to kill myself. I don't want to be here anymore." And so I showed up 10 minutes late and I remember walking into the church.

And uh it was the first time that I've been to church in 15 years. Um because I went to church when I was in high school cuz my parents made me go. But when I was in college, when I was in the pros, that that's for you guys. That's That's not for me. My purpose is out here. And I remember walking in and it was the first time I've been in church in 15 years and my experiences of church up into that point were very religious.

It was about the rules, the regulations, the laws, and all these different things and boxes that you needed to check and and there was no There was no unconditional love. There was not about the relationship with God. It was about a religion. And so, I remember walking in and feeling like this energy when I walked into this room. And I remember walking in seeing people like you and me. People with neck tattoos and backwards hats and cut-off t-shirts. I'm like, "They never would have let this fly where I'm from, you know?" I'm like, "Okay, maybe this is This is a place where I I could be." And I I remember seeing guys that look like you and me and they got their hands raised up.

And they're like actually singing out of their mouth during the worship, which I never saw when I grew up. The men had their hands in their pockets and they just The women sang, you know? That was a female thing to do. And all of a sudden I'm seeing these big, strong men legitimately worshiping God. And some of them have tears coming down their face. I'm like, "But they didn't look sad." And I'm like, "This is different." And I found the darkest place in this auditorium that I could find.

It was in the upper left corner. And I sat down and I remember my wife, because we were not doing well. She left a seat in between us. So, she didn't even sit next to me. And she just, you know, and um the worship got over and then the pastor walked out and his name's Dr. Matt Hubbard. And he walked out, and he started in on his sermon, and like 30 seconds into it, he stopped. And he goes, he points his finger right at me, and he goes, "Hey, you." And I was like,

And he said, "Yeah, you." "God's telling me right now that you've been gone for a really long time. God wants you to know that he sees your broken heart. He sees your hurt, and he wants you to know that he's going to deliver you, he's going to heal you, and he's going to use you in a supernatural way." And as he's saying all these things, he goes on for like a minute, and I didn't realize at the time he was speaking prophetically, and I'd never been around prophecy.

And that's when God speaks to a prophet, and that prophet is used as like a vessel, and he's telling me what God's saying about me. And I remember looking behind me to see who he's saying these wonderful things about, and there was nothing behind me but the wall, and I'm like, "Okay, he's talking to me." And everything that he was saying, Ken, was like, he was speaking right to me. And he finished his sermon, I don't even remember what his message was about, and I remember as soon as the message was over and more worship started, I walked out of there real quick cuz I'm thinking to myself like somebody's going to recognize me cuz I just retired.

Um and I left, and I got in the car with my wife, and I said, "I don't know who that man is. How did he know those things about me? I've been to church in 15 years. How did he know that? You could have the most extensive Google search of all time. How would he ever know that?" She's like, "I I don't know." I was like, "Maybe this is the place that's going to fix me." She's like, "I I hope so." So, we go home and I decide the psychiatrist didn't help, the psychologist didn't help, the hypnotherapist didn't help, the pills didn't help, the weed didn't help, the exercise didn't help.

Maybe God can help me. And so, I started to go back to that church every Sunday. And about 2 months after the first time that I went, they had a men's event called Emerge, which is like a men's conference in the middle of the desert in Southern California, and about 2,000 men go to this event and they camp out for 3 days and they have amazing speakers and competitions and stuff like that. And um and I remember my son, who's 18 now, was 11 years old at the time, and one of the things I didn't mention earlier was when he was 4 years old and I was I pulled him out of the bleachers at the Super Bowl, the first thing he said to me was, "Dad, we did it.

We won it all. When I grow older, I want to be just like you." And when he said that, I thought, "Well, if he wants to be a pro, he's going to need to grow up just like I grew up." And so, the generational curse of being really critical of your son, I was like, I didn't know it was a generational curse, but I'm like, "Well, I got to treat him like my dad treated me." And so, if he had 18 points in a basketball game, should have 24.

If you had 15 rebounds, could have had 20. Everything was like, "More, more, more." And so, at 11 years old, I trained him like a pro from age 4 all the way up until 11 years old. And he absolutely hated me. But he was a great athlete. And I resented him because he didn't appreciate the the pressure that I was applying to him to make him great. And in my mind, you said you want to be a pro? This is how it's done. And so, I get invited to this men's conference, and you're supposed to be 13 years old to go.

But I asked the pastor, I'm like, "Dr. Matt, like can I bring my son?" And he was like, "Yeah, you can bring him." And so, we get out to the desert, and they gave each person that came this 2 by 4 that had two holes in the side of it, and then a string, and they give you a marker, and they say to each person they say, "I want you to go sit by yourself and ask God what did I bring into the desert that you want God to take away?" And so, I sat down, and I wrote down guilt, shame, corn, pills, self-hatred, self-condemnation, lust, love of money, all these things about myself I hated.

I mean, my board looked black by the time I was done with it, but I was at the end of myself. Like, I I didn't care that people saw porn on this board. I wanted to kill myself. If this weekend doesn't work, Ken, I'm probably going to check out. And um I wrote all this stuff down. I put this thing on my back, and so I'm walking into the tent to hear the first speaker of the weekend. And I sit down, and I had a friend that invited me to go to this conference.

His name was Nick Unsworth. And I sit down, and the first speaker walks out. I don't recognize his name, but he's a big old guy, white-headed hair, huge arms, like not the type of pastor that you and I think of when we think of a pastor. This guy's a freaking gorilla. And he walks out, and he grabs the microphone, and he just pauses, and he just looks out over this ocean of 2,000 men. And then he spoke into the microphone, and as soon as he spoke into the microphone, I felt like this lightning bolt from heaven hit me and all of the sudden my skin started vibrating.

I felt like I was floating out of my chair. I legit grabbed the sides of my chair to hold on cuz I didn't understand what with There was something physical that was happening to me. And so this continues on for like four or five minutes and eventually like I'm looking around to see if it's happening to anybody else and they're just sitting there. And I look at my friend Nick. I'm like who is this guy? And he ruffles around with his program and he's like uh Keith Craft.

And I'm like I don't recognize the name so I take my phone and I Google the name. The third image that popped up was a picture of the guy that was on the stage from the 90s and he had a mullet and he was breaking bricks. I'm like that's the guy from 1994 in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. That's the guy that gave me a picture of what a man of God could be. And my mind is freaking racing but I can't hear any of the words that this pastor is speaking.

It felt like I was at the bottom of a swimming pool that was filled with like jello and somebody had a megaphone trying to speak to me and all I could hear was sound waves. Wow. Wow. It while I'm having like this visceral reaction and I don't know what's going on but I know that like I I'm supposed to speak to this man. So he gets done with his message and I run around the side of the tent and everybody's trying to go up to him to talk to him.

I'm grabbed legit grabbing guys by their neck throwing them out of the way so I can get to the hem of the rabbi. And I get up to him. I'm like pastor this is probably going to be really weird for you but my name's Steve Weatherford and I just vomited everything that I achieved. I'm like you have no idea, but in 1994 you came to my hometown and you changed my life. And because of that, you gave me permission to pursue the dreams that God put inside of me that I achieved and I'm in a really bad spot.

Can we talk? And he's like, yeah, send me a DM. I'll speak you at the end of the weekend. And so I walked back to my seat and I go to find my friend Nick Unsworth and as I'm I feel like I'm walking on clouds as I walk back to my seat and I feel like I had three revelations about God in that moment. The first revelation is that God is real. The second revelation is that God is good. And the third revelation is that God had been operating outside of time for the moment that I was in.

And that verse that that man told me in 1994 Jeremiah 29:11 for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you. I had questions and so later that night I asked somebody. I was like, I believe that God is good. And I believe that he's real. But this verse where it talks about he only has plans to prosper and not to harm me. How could God let these things happen to me? And the man said to me, he said,

Steve Weatherford1:43:00

I don't believe that God authored what happened to you when you were 12 years old. I believe that when sin and evil entered the world, I believe that God allows some things to happen. He didn't author that thing to happen, but if you give that trauma and that hurt and that pain to him, God will use it. He'll use it together for good and he showed me a verse. It's in Romans. Romans chapter 8 verse 28. It says that God will take all things and use them together for good for those that love him and those that are called according to his purpose.

And I knew in that moment, I knew that God was real. And I decided in that moment, God, I love you, but I still don't understand. But I'm going to release what happened in the past, and if you'll use it, I'll give [clears throat] you everything that I have if you save me. And the next day they had a bonfire and they gave each man an opportunity to come to the front of the line and to pray a dangerous prayer and release all of the burdens that they brought into the desert and release them into the fire.

And that when you release them into the fire and pray this prayer that that's you laying down your understanding and saying, God, I don't understand it, but I'm going to give it to you. If you can use it, it's yours. And so I prayed that prayer and I said, God,

Steve Weatherford1:44:24

I've made mistakes and I repent of my sin. Meaning, repent means to turn away and to get into formation with God. And said, I repent of my sins and I confess with my mouth that Jesus Christ is your son, that he died on the cross for my sins, that that he died and he rose again. And I'm going to invite him into my heart. So I prayed that prayer, I threw those things into the fire and I went home from that event. And I knew that God was real and I knew that it was good.

And I I told my wife, I said, I have some things I need to share with you. And I got down on my knees and I said, babe, there's some things that I've done that you don't know about. And this is the man that I used to be. But if you give me another chance, I'm going to be a man of God. And she said, I mean, she was blown away and and very hurt, but she said, Okay. And um and that man that God sent back into my life, I asked him, I said, would you coach me?

Would you like just like I was an athlete, you know, like I'm coachable. I'll I'll do whatever you tell me to do. If you tell me to cut it off, I will cut it off. I will not negotiate. If you tell me to poke it out, I'll poke it out. If you tell me to pick it up, I'll pick it up. And over the next 9 months, he got on the he got on a Zoom call with me. I showed up every month, notepad, pen, recorded in everything that he was teaching me.

I took it like it was an order from God. And and over the course of 9 months some of the ways that my brain I felt like it was just broken all of the sudden it I started thinking differently. Um the shame, the guilt, all of these different things that I was carrying around that just made me feel like I was a million pounds. Month over month they began to get lifted. And now some of the ways that I was just stuck in the mud all of the sudden I've got some momentum.

And like my wife is starting to notice This is not like a Tony Robbins event that you went to and it's just like, "Oh, he's a different man for a month and then it he's back to his old stuff." No, it was like month over month like I'm I'm growing and I'm healing and I'm like I'm getting a new identity, but the identity is not in the things that I've achieved. The identity in this is is in the word of God, in who God says I am.

And after about 9 months, my wife is starting to know some major differences and I was like, "Babe maybe we're supposed to move to Texas and like get closer to this man. I mean, can you imagine how much more I could grow and and and and be better for us if I could just get in proximity to this?" She's like, "I'm open to it." And she loves California, but she was just she's watching the love of her life be changed. Um and she'd watch me struggle for a long time just like, you know, Shelby was watching you struggle for a while.

Steve Weatherford1:47:23

I believe it's going to minister to her soul. Um so, we prayed a prayer. I said, "God, if if I'm supposed to move to Texas, will you highlight something to me? And I'll freaking give everything away. And I'll go." And uh for 90 days, I don't feel like God highlighted anything. And I was I was frustrated. Um but I was I was learning to hear from God for the first time. So, I'm like, "Not only do I know that you're real and you're good." Like, I I'm beginning to not just experience your unconditional love, but like I feel like you're you're speaking to me in in my mind.

And [snorts] um and after 90 days, he I didn't hear anything. And then I knelt over my my wife's bed like a little kid. And I prayed out loud. She heard this prayer. I said, "God, I feel like you're not highlighting anything. Would you slam a door shut? And if you slam a door shut, I'll run through the other door. No questions asked." And 4 hours after I prayed that prayer out loud, our landlord, and we had the sickest house in San Diego that we're renting, and the owner called me.

And he said, "Hey, we're a little nervous about this COVID thing that's happening. Um we're going to sell the house. You got 50 days to get out." And I'm like, "Okay, Lord. I'm going to Texas." So, we packed up our house, gave a bunch of stuff away, sold some stuff. We packed everything up into a U-Haul, and we drove to Texas. We didn't find a house to rent or to buy. We just started driving. I mean, it was like recklessly pursuing the Lord. And when we get to Texas, and and I entered into the most hardcore discipleship that I could.

I said, "I want it all. I want it all and I don't care what the price is." And um and he just taught me what it was to be a man of God and he taught me the father's heart. Like, how does God really view me? And and what does it mean to be like Christ? And so as he's teaching me these things, this micro momento momentum that I had from these Zoom calls all this sudden started to become a tidal wave. And now like I'm changing, man.

And the crazy thing was is when that landlord called us and said, "You got to be out in 90 days or 50 days." My wife was 7 and 1/2 months pregnant with our sixth kid. So it wasn't like it was easy time. So we moved to to Texas. We have our last child and I named him after that mentor. And um continued to go to that church. It was like month over month God was taking things from me but also making exchanges from with me. Um in the book of Revelations chapter 3 verse 20 it says, "Behold, I stand at the door and I knock.

If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I'll come in and I'll dine with them and then with me." And I feel like that the Lord was speaking to me through that verse that says, "If you open the door and you let me in fully, I'll sit down with you and I'll make an exchange. I'll take your hurt, I'll take your trauma, I'll take your pain, I'll take your self-hatred and I'll give you beautiful things." Um and that's what that man taught me to do.

He taught me how to lead myself according to the word of God, not in a religious way, but in a biblical way. And um and I sat under him and did everything he told me to do and did my best just like a good son would. I wanted to make his dreams come true. And so as I began to build his church and build his different things that he was passionate about, after 3 and 1/2 years of that mentorship, the Lord came to me in a dream.

And it was the most real dream. And the Lord told me that the same spiritual covering that this man was giving me that allowed me to heal and to take off the weight of the world and to pick up my cross and follow Christ, that I was supposed to do the same thing. And I was like, "I don't know what that looks like, Lord, but I'll do it. I'll do anything you tell me to do cuz you can have it all." When I came home from that event initially, before I repented to my wife, I um I made a covenant promise with God.

I said, "God, I know that you're real and I know that you're good. I don't want to kill myself anymore. I don't have this overwhelming depression or anxiety, but I still find myself waking up at 3:00 in the morning and like defending myself, you know, because of the things that were done to me. And so there were still some things not right in me, but I told him, I said, "I'm going to follow this man that I believe that you sent back into my life. And if you transform my mind and you heal my heart in this next year, I'll give you everything that I have.

And anytime a microphone is put in my front of my face, the only thing that I will share for the rest of my life will be the testimony of what you've done in me." So obviously he transformed me. And I finished my discipleship, the Lord came to me in a dream and told me that the event that changed my life, that I'm supposed to recreate that experience for other men. So I didn't know what it was supposed to look like. I mean, I'm not going to invite 2,000 men out into the desert, so I'm asking God, like, what does that look like?

And the Lord told me, "Open the Open the doors of your home and let men come in in the same unconditional love that I gave you, I'll give them." And I'm like, "Okay." So, it was 3 years ago that I did my first, I guess you could call it, men's event in my home. And um seven men showed up. And the first time I did it, it was more like a a leadership teaching workshop. And I had like a workbook and they had all these things that I thought God wanted me to do.

And then at the end of the event, I walked them through the same process and prayer that the Lord took me through, where I helped them, "Hey, write down everything on this piece of paper that you came into my home with that you want God to take away." And I shared my testimony with them as an example. So, these men are all sitting on my couch writing down guilt and shame and addiction and all these things.

One quick question.

Steve Weatherford1:54:14

Well, you have to think about what my wife experienced in me previous to me having that dream. Yeah. She watched me go from a depressed, suicidal, impulsive degenerate that was constantly letting his feelings be his leader to watching me transform into a man that's worthy to be followed.

Got you. And that you'd have to ask her, but she's still probably holding her breath, you know, like I hope this doesn't fade.

Steve Weatherford1:54:58

Hey, babe. What are you doing? I'm doing a podcast. Kenji just asked me a question and I was like, "What? Uh I don't know how to answer that." Um after the Lord got a hold of me and um you know, I confessed all these things to you and I'm following this mentor.

Uh when I told you that I felt like God wanted me to recreate the same event that I went through, he asked me, he's like, "What did your wife say?" And then you called, so what were your thoughts whenever God was changed

Steve Weatherford1:56:06

So, you weren't you weren't excited about random men coming in that were struggling with porn and pills and some of them didn't even believe

Worried about those men as much as much as the real weird freako ones that we have sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. They they're the ones that need saving the most.

Yeah, that's right. Um well, while while I got you on the phone

Steve Weatherford1:56:32

She's like, "I love the work that you do, Steve, but do we have to have them come in our family home?" With the six kids. Yeah, with six kids. We got any

Okay, well, you call you call me when you're done. All right. I I love you. I love you. Bye-bye.

Well, if anybody I knew that was going to be Is that not the Lord, though? Golly. I mean, if anybody's listening to this and they're thinking to themself, "I wonder if he if this is real." Well, there you have it. There's my wife. Um, where were we? You was you were talking about

So, I did the event, right? So, I did the event and at the end of the event, the first one that I did, um, I had the guys write everything down. And then, um, I took them outside and had like an outdoor fireplace, just like

Yep. And then and I I walked them through this same dangerous prayer that I prayed that God would not just take all of those things that they wrote down, but that that God would take them and give them something good in its place. And so, prayed that prayer and one by one these guys would throw their their burdens into the fire. And after that event, all the men went home. I'm an athlete, [snorts] so I like I'm I would say addicted to a improving, right? So, one of the ways I improved as a football player is like you watch the game film.

And you you ask questions and where can I improve? And so, I called each guy and I said, "Hey, can you share with me what was really great about this event and like what could improve?" And seven out of seven guys said, "Hey, all the leadership stuff was really powerful, but at the end, when we prayed that prayer and you put your hands on me, I experienced something that I've never experienced before. I I felt God." And I was like, "Well, that's good feedback." So, the second time I did the event, instead of doing like 90% leadership and 10% Holy Spirit, I did 80/20.

And then I got feedback. It was the same feedback. Man, like I experienced God. So, then the third time, 70/30. The fourth time, 60/40. All the way up to I'd done the event 11 times and every single person that came to my event received Jesus Christ and encountered the Holy Spirit. And they were changed. And so, I was like, "Surely, surely, God, your hand is on this." And I did the event once per month. And then, the men that had been coming to the event that were getting rocked by God were like, "Can I come back, Stephen, and help other men to encounter God the way that you helped me?" This Friday will be the 62nd time that we've done the Launching Pad Leadership Experience, and it's too big to be in my home now.

Uh we cap it at 100 men, and because I have enough men who have encountered Jesus to come back now, I teach men what my mentor has taught me, and I've got

Steve Weatherford1:59:43

480 men who have gone through this super intense leadership discipleship that he brought me through. I I've taken it and put it into a curriculum that men can experience taught by me over Zoom. Um and I get with them 1 hour once per week for 12 weeks. And my mentor got with me 1 hour once per month for a year. So, I took it from a year down to 12 weeks. And um men's [clears throat] lives are getting changed, their marriages are getting restored, men are finding what their true calling and purpose in life is.

And this is what I'll be doing for the rest of my life. Cuz I can't think of anything more important than people encountering the unconditional love of the creator of the universe. I mean, I've won Super Bowls, I've made millions of dollars, I've had bunch of cars, and this, that, the other. There is nothing that compares. And there's a verse in scripture that says better is one day in his presence than a thousand elsewhere. And again, if that's not the truth, dude, and that's part of why I feel like God sent me here to be with you is not for this podcast recording, is to share this testimony with you because I feel like you're on a you're in a journey for purpose.

And I feel like this running is a great thing, but I feel like this running is the thing that's going to lead you to your real purpose and your real calling.

Steve Weatherford2:03:41

Enough Enough to think like, "I should feel differently about myself." Yes.

Steve Weatherford2:03:47

I don't feel like God is calling me to do that because if God was calling me to do that, I couldn't be here with you right now.

Yeah, that's interesting. I'd need to be in Dallas, Texas shepherding my flock. And I feel like God is calling me. And maybe that will be later on down the road, but I also feel like there will be doors that will be closed in my face when I have a prefix of pastor. Mhm. But if you have Super Bowl champion precede your name, there's a lot of doors that will be opened. And I've been outspoken and like loved on you enough that you're like he's like a religious guy but he's not a pastor and until God speaks to me I feel like I'm more effective in this capacity because I feel like my great calling is to be a wise counselor and a friend for men like you.

Men that are searching and men that want more but they don't know what more is. And when God gets a hold of you and he will get a hold of you. When he gets a hold of you the impact that you're going to have Ken will probably be greater than me. The same reason that our mutual friend Mike Posner God used me in his life and now he's on fire for Jesus Christ.

Mhm. You've seen his social media. It's undeniable.

Yeah. And he's probably the smartest person that I know. Yeah. I mean he graduated from Duke in three years. He's read more books than I can probably count. I was at his house for his birthday like uh two weeks ago and you came over and we were sitting with his fiance and he's like "Hey Steve, what's what's a good book that you've read lately?" I'm like I don't really read unless it's the Bible. So you didn't say The Other Side of Hard by Ken Wright?

It hadn't come out yet. And and notice when I was speaking earlier I said I was listening to your book because I think there's great knowledge in books but I want to know more about God. Yeah. You know and I feel like listening to your book is helping me to understand you more and there's definitely value in there but the word of God has changed my life. Yeah. And if I'm going to spend time reading anything it's going to be the promises of God and there's 7,437 promises from God in the Bible.

And at this point, I've been recklessly pursuing him for 8 years. And I feel like I've gotten to experience 12 or 15 of those promises. And I feel like the more I submit myself and the more that I learn, the more that I get to experience and the more that I get to experience, my relationships get to experience. And the more that my relationships get to experience, the only way I'm going to have my maximal impact is giving it away. That's why you experience Lyle Phillips the way that you do and you're experiencing me the way that you do.

Scripture says, "Freely have you have been given, freely that you should give." And so, when somebody like you calls me and says, "Hey, I want to spend time with you." As long as it doesn't impact my family and my kids, I will drop everything for an opportunity to sit with you to share with you what God has done for me and give you an opportunity to receive the same goodness that he's given me that I do not deserve. Um and neither do you, but that's what makes God so good.

Steve Weatherford2:09:22

And fitness tips.

Steve Weatherford2:09:59

Well, crazy to say, thank you for your compassion, but I feel like it's one of the greatest things that's ever happened to me. Because when I come on a podcast like this or have conversations with people, and I go there, and like the tears that I've shed on here is not the pain that I experience now. It's when I share that people realize like man this this guy's not here to like self-promote or sell supplements or cuz when you share that it's not pretty.

It's not sexy. It's not cool. But I say that because I'm I'm in a place of freedom now. And if God wouldn't have delivered me from that situation, there's a lot of people that would never resonate with me cuz you're right. I am 6'3", 240 lbs of twisted steel.

But what I look at myself as back then was not that. And uh just like you, I tried everything else. I would have been great if I was like Tim Tebow, but Tim Tebow's story does not resonate with you. I love him. I honor him. But he hasn't been through things that would allow him to say, "Oh yeah, I'm just like Tim Tebow." Mhm. And um You've heard of Sherlock Holmes. You know the Mhm. would solve all these different mysteries and he had a specific way that he would solve mysteries and it was called the process of elimination.

And that's what I needed to do. I'm hard-headed. I needed to try everything else. And the only thing remaining was Jesus. And um and I also believe that there's a possibly a fear that you might even be encountering right now that man if I if I do make this commitment and and give my life to Jesus, will I still be able to create massive success in my life? Like That's right. Will I still be a champion? Like could I make an exchange with God and and give him my grind and and give him my work ethic and and give him my obsession and still get the things that it is that I'm after?

And and that was something that I encountered too cuz I'm listening to this mentor say like you're doing too much and you're trying too hard. God wants you to give up that cuz I used to use this hashtag hardest worker in the room. Mhm. And I would like hang my hat on that's why I'm a winner. And I used to think to myself like if I give up that identity of being a grinder will I still be a champion? Will I still be successful? Will I still make money?

Can I still provide and protect my family? And I feel like the Lord wants to know if you give him your grind, he'll give you his grace and when you win these races he'll get all of the glory. And he'll get all of the the accolades that you once wanted that when you got them, they didn't mean anything to you.

Mhm. And he wants you to know that he will give you more than you could ever and this is scripture more than you could ever ask think or imagine. And that's the life that I'm living right now is my marriage I mean listen to my wife. I mean I literally say hey, when I repented all those things, did you hear her like mad or angry? She is so thankful for me. I don't even think my wife has ever cursed at me. I mean aside from like putting my hands on her which I've never done I've done everything else I could to hurt her.

Mhm. And she didn't leave me. And for her to experience the man that God is creating me to be today I can't speak for but I think that she would thank God for those things that happened to me. And now God is actually using them to pull broken men and broken marriages and broken families and give them the same way God used my mentor to give me a picture of possibility. Wait a second. God could heal that. God could fix that. Yes. And my life is a living testimony of the goodness and the grace, not the grind.

The goodness and the grace of God. So, when I say like I went into intense discipleship, the intense part of it was not being busy. Mhm. And I think for you, and I know for me, being still was one of the hardest things that I ever did. I used busyness and achievement as an idol. Meaning, if I ever would just relaxed for a day, I could never do it.

Steve Weatherford2:14:46

When you look when you learn to trust God, you will learn that you are not working for victory anymore. You're working from it. I'm working from the victory of what Jesus did on the cross for me, and I know that sounds very religious. Mhm. But that's truly where I'm at. Like, I know that God's got me. I just talked to you about an investment that I made 4 months ago. I had 10% of a company that was worth $350 million.

And in a month, it's worth nothing. And I don't care, because I know that God is going to provide for me. And I don't have tens of millions of dollars in the bank. Like, I have enough that my family's fine. I don't drive a Bentley. I drive a Suburban with cloth seats.

Do you know what I mean? And I freaking love it. I could have a Cadillac I got enough money I have a Cadillac Escalade with all the massaging seats and all that stuff, but I don't really care. I used to be the type of guy that would have Rolexes, and and I would buy these different things to impress people that at the end of the day, I don't like them.

Steve Weatherford2:16:52

I do. I do. I'd love to pray a prayer at the end of this. Would that be okay?

Please. All right. So, for everybody that's um that's listening to this podcast and maybe you're like you're like Ken where you're like, man, I feel like he's like speaking to me. Um you can pray they can pray the same prayer that I prayed and um being saved is as simple as these are the three steps like you and I admitting like I've made mistakes. I need forgiveness. That would be step one. And the second step is is being able to confidently confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is the son of God that he died on the cross for your sins, step two.

And the third one is saying, I want to give my life to God and I I want him to make me more like Christ. So, I'm going to pray this prayer and I would love for you to repeat it after me as the people are listening to us here. Give me your hand. All right. Say this, Ken. God God I need more of you and less of me. I need more of you and less of me. I've made mistakes. I've made mistakes. And I repent of my sins.

Steve Weatherford2:17:58

I don't want that life anymore. I don't want that life anymore. I confess with my mouth I confess with my mouth. That your son That your son Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sin. Died on the cross for my sin. He died. He died.

And 3 days later And 3 days later He defeated the grave. He defeated the grave. Jesus Jesus I invite you into my heart.

I invite you into my heart. To be my Lord To be my Lord And to be my savior.

And to be my savior. Holy Spirit Holy Spirit I give you permission I give you permission to consume my life. To consume my life.

That the rest of my life That the rest of my life would be the best of my life. Would be the best of my life. In it's the name of Jesus Christ I pray. In it's the name of Jesus Christ I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. If you prayed that prayer, I would love for you to send me a message on Instagram like Ken said. I I answer all of my my messages. I would love to help you with like what are the next steps look like?

Because it can be really overwhelming because you probably if you prayed that prayer, you probably have a long list of people that you don't want to be like that say I'm a believer in Jesus Christ. Um and it can be really overwhelming like well, where do I start with my new relationship with God? I want to be somebody that's in your life to be more than an encourager. And I don't even need to be your mentor, but I would love to help you with some of the next steps to you know, once you make this this decision like how do you do what I did?

How do you let Jesus begin to transform your mind so it thinks differently and and heal your heart because that's what it did for me. The world conformed me on like who I thought God was and what his plans were for me. I want you to know right now God doesn't really care if you go to church. God doesn't really care if you tithe 10%. Those are things that make you eligible for more of the goodness from God, but there's certain things that are important to God and there's certain things that are recommendations and I want to help you figure out the difference between the two and the rest of your life would be the best of your life.

This is an awesome podcast.

Steve Weatherford2:20:14

Love you, brother. You, too. Boom.